I (24F) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for 6 months now. We’ve adopted a dog together about 5-6weeks ago.
Several days ago we had the biggest fight yet. Trust was broken. We both want to fix what happened.
We have similar goals in life and we’re on track to become physicians in the near future, we love each other and are planning on moving in together in the next couple weeks/months but we are practically living together anyway. We don’t want to break up and take a break of any kind. We are able to communicate with each other well most of the time and know that we need to go over what happened.
I’ve been going to therapy for several months now, she finished hers but is planning to come back.
It feels like we need help from somebody else to get over this argument.
TLDR thinking of starting couples therapy with my girlfriends but don’t know if it’s too early
My questions is: is it too early to go to couples therapy? Has anybody gone so early and did you find it successful?
7 comments
You could always go for therapy together but then do keep in mind that this shouldnt be the case for everything eventually.
You both will have to learn to solve things together without external intervention.
Im assuming this is your first big fight and since both want to fix this, it would be better to go for the therapy.
It’s never too early to do any kind of therapy imo. I definitely advocate for it. If you and your SO are willing to talk thing out openly, honestly, and kindly with each other but need outside help to either mediate, facilitate, give un biased input that could help sort things out then yes I believe it’s never too early to do it.
In my last relationship we did couples therapy but our relationship failed. The couples therapy did help but we didn’t do the work that needed to be done on our own and together outside of therapy. My ex partner, had a lot of personal issues and growth to work and our therapist recommended she do individual therapy and she completely disagreed and felt like she was fine and had no issues and I got burnt out from the emotional rollercoaster, distrust, and that non of family or close circles (best friends) really approved or enjoyed us being together. So in the end I failed to do my part or to put in the effort to make “it” work but at the point I no longer was “in” or had any heart in the relationship anymore.
Anyways, if you’re both willing to do the work in and outside of therapy go for it! Finding a therapist you both like and vibe with takes time. We went through 2. We started therapy at 5.5 months and our relationship ended on the 8th month.
The first glaring problem is, 4 months is *definitely* too early to get a dog together. That’s a 10+ year commitment. I think y’all went into this way too fast. I understand you care for each other, but it’s not like there is a history of this relationship working in the past and things have changed. You don’t have a baseline to get back to. It just sounds like y’all are two different people, and therapy can’t make you compatible.
What was the fight about?
Six months in, things should be fun and easy. If they’re not, you’re not right for each other.
Dating isn’t about doing everything to make it work. It’s about finding out if you like each other enough AND if you’re compatible in the right ways. It sounds like you two just aren’t the right fit.
It is NEVER a bad time, or a bad idea, to go to therapy. EVERYONE could benefit immensely from the insight & growth potentially gained with the emotional guidance of a nonjudgmental, unattached, objective professional.
Good on y’all for being open to it. Best of luck.
Better to do it before you move in together, which, by the way, is a terrible idea this early. Bad enough you got the dog, don’t dig a deeper hole.