I still have noone to talk to, and inconsistant around girls
It’s been couple of days and people are already starting to create their social circles and I’m still alone. I fear that I have limited time to do something about it because making connections won’t be as easy as it is first few weeks of a freshman year.
I like to think that I’ve made a great progress in the past 1-2 years, part of it is thanks to my therapist, part of it is just desire to have friends and love life – things I lacked in my teens (i’m 23). There are many social situations where I have to push my comfort zone, but still sometimes I have no balls.
My issue is that It always has to be me to initiate things, noone truly is interested in me. Noone messages me first other than 1 girl who wanted to split the bill for nightclub cloakroom
I have no idea what im doning wrong, I walk up to people I have classes with and they don’t seem to be annoyed with my presence, we talk for a bit and it goes nowhere, then I see them after classes going back home in pairs. I asked multiple people if they want to do something after classes, they always had something planned already and there I am going back to my dorm room all by myself. Dorm life also sucks, it’s not like in US, besides like 20% of people who are already living in this city, vast majority just rents rooms. I have a dorm room for myself but share bathroom with 1 other guy who is already on 4-5th year of his studies.
On thursday there was a consensus that we should do something as a group, yet our messanger was dead af with noone making plans for the night. I decided to do it myself and 15+ people came, I made an announcemnt on our messanger group and PMd some peope who I talked with before. What’s heart breaking is that some people came with a friend or two who they met during our classes.
I was pushing myself and treid to talk to everyone who didn’t give me cold shoulder girls and guys. I had many good conversations but still they didn’t lead to any friendships. I feel like I had more and better conversations with girls, which surprised me but still when we later went clubbing It was very hard for me to push myself to for example ask a girl for a dance, sometimes I would ask, sometimes i couldn’t muster up courage, one situation that stuck in my mind is when 2 girls walked up to where I was dancing and they seemed to wait for something. It doesn’t matter if they wanted me to do something or they just wanted to dance there, what matters to me is that I had no balls to even ask. It’s the same in between classes, sometimes I want to walk up to a girl but freeze up cuz I have nothing of value to share or ask.
It hurts to alwyas be the one walking up to people, makes me feel unwanted.
My plan now is to start PMing people for more fun activities such as board games. I talked with some about it to gage their interest but I don’t want to invite people who I don’t know well enough to avoid awkward silence and I can’t just PM someone who I had no word with and ask if he/she is interested.
Lastly I signed up for japanese at my uni and also am recruiting for clubs but again, i fear that I will be an outcast there with no friends
1 comment
I didn’t find friends until my second year, when I finally pushed myself to go to a board game and RPG club (that I later ran for two years), and didn’t make friends on my course until at least the second. Push yourself to go to things! Particularly for things like board games, where there’s a built-in activity and you don’t need to initiate convos the same. Well done for taking the initiative to arrange something, and don’t be too disheartened; comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disappointment.