35M here and just realized that I haven’t hung out with my friends for a whole 8 years ever since I moved and havent really made any new friends since. At work I dont really talk to anyone cause I am quiet, awkward and social anxiety and trauma is a bitch. But I do get lunch with this coworker here and there during work days and I just realized her life and mine are completely different. She’s always got events going on, hanging out with friends, family stuff, talking with everyone at work. Stuff that I dont have the opportunity to do since I dont know anyone here even though ive lived here for 4.5 years. In fact she’s actually is quite a bit younger than me and she’s got all these going for her. This whole contrast makes me feel very empty and see what life is supposed to be and all that I lack. I felt like my last 8 years have amounted to nothing (and my life to some extent). Though I dont really want to go back to where I used to live either. The culture there is just not for me.
I am not on talking terms with my family so that’s another difficult part of life. In fact my beloved dog was put down not long ago and no one told me.
The only thing that has kept me sane all these times is my gf. She’s wonderful but I felt like I’ve robbed her life. She used to meet people so easily. But ever since she stayed with me, her friends have all sort of boycotted her for various stupid reasons and now she’s not as open to meeting ppl any more. I treat her very well and stuff but I felt like if I’ve never met her, she’d be much better off.
Life feels so empty… and I just realized that my life have always been empty… 35 years in and I dont feel like I’ve made life any worth a while this whole time.
4 comments
so start doing things that will make your life feel less empty? also you have a gf who stays with you so that’s a win
Please don’t lose all hope- you are worthy of love. It sounds like therapy would be a good place to start for addressing trauma, social awkwardness, and feeling alone. A therapist is there to listen to you, won’t judge or criticize, and can help with suggestions or things like role playing. The help helps!
The other thing you can look into is volunteering. People feel better when helping others. And feeling better about yourself leads to self love and grows confidence. Doesn’t matter if it’s at a soup kitchen, animal shelter, library, religious organization (if that’s your thing), environmental clean up group, or whatever. It feels good to help and gives you a mental boost.
Or take a class through an adult enrichment program. You’ll find other people who have similar interests that way and you’ll see them repeatedly so you don’t feel pressure to build a relationship in a day. For example, I joined a horseback riding class through a local community college 15 years ago and met one of my closest friends that way. We were both in our 30’s, and it took a while for us to warm up and get to know each other. We started out talking after class while doing chores around the stable, then started going to lunch after, then hanging out at each other’s homes or finding an event somewhere that mutually appealed to us, and before we knew it we were friends.
Both joining a class or volunteering will help you meet other people who you can practice social skills with. Eventually it will help you find the people with whom you feel comfortable – Your People. It takes time, and it can’t be forced or manufactured, but it is possible!
Just start doing things. I lead a very boring life of staying home and playing videogames or roaming the internet for most of my youth.
Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed a good chuck of it but other people were out there living.
Now I try and fill my calendar up as much as possible. I’m a bit obsessed with seeing what else I can add here and there. For example this weekend I’m waking up early to workout (deadlifts) then going for a hike, catching a movie around 11. After, I have run some errands, wash my truck, clean the house. Watching the UFC fights later that night.
I just try to pack my days with anything other than sleeping in and watching TV all day.
Atleast you have a gf you can do stuff with even if you don’t have friends. She can be your best friend go do stuff with her and plan things out