I’m 27M and my whole life I’ve never been able to socialize. I’ve recently found out that since I was in kindergarten my parents kept getting warned by teachers that I was extremely reserved and during break times while the other children played I kept to myself doing my own thing.
When someone asks for advice on how to make friends, the answer is usually to join a hobby group or class so as to meet people with mutual interests. I used to only have solo hobbies (which I naturally gravitate to) so I decided to join a group class (BJJ) about a year ago. I’ve been going there regularly for at least 3 days a week for over a year now but I never managed to become friends with anyone: I’m just the person people say hi to before moving on.
I have nothing to talk about and don’t know how to connect. Also I think I come off as awkward and weird but I try to not think about that. When people ask me how’s it going I have nothing else to offer except a “not bad”. Believe me I’ve tried connecting with people by asking them what they do and other stuff like that but it never develops any further and it only works to start a conversation once. Meanwhile the other people, even those who joined after me, form friendships and crack jokes with each other.
I’m close to giving up and accepting myself as a person who doesn’t bond with others but for now I want to try so that at least I’d know that I gave it a solid attempt.
1 comment
Not every person is destined to be life long friends, but you can branch out a little bit by starting conversations.
You have hobby groups, so you’ve got people to try this on. Start simple: learn someone’s name.
That turns a casual hi into a personal address.
When they ask you how you are, think of something a little more than “not bad”. Weather is a good one, and use your answer to ask a question. “I’m enjoying the colder weather, have you been to the pumpkin patch?”
Or whatever activity. They gave you an opening, so give them a question back. It will feel awkward at first but it gets easier.
This is something you can even practice casually. When getting groceries, talk to the clerk. A hey, how’s your day? It’s easy quick and if you say something embarrassing, you get to leave in two minutes!