Hey everyone. My former close friend and I had a falling out last year. We had been friends for about 4 years when this all started. Very long story short, she is married and confided in me that she had feelings for her patient. I am also friends with her husband. Friend and I are both physical therapists. She then began hanging out with the patient, and I would also join in group settings. Eventually it became too uncomfortable to hang out with them as they were both very flirtatious. Mutual friends asked me what was going on between them. Friend confided in me that her feelings for patient were the strongest she had ever felt for any man. She was essentially having an emotional affair and frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if it was also sexual. I told her I couldn’t get behind what she was doing anymore and I didn’t want to hang out with them together and I recommended she transfer him to a different therapist (which she did not do).
We argued over the situation a little bit and basically stopped hanging out. I always held out hope we’d be friends again but it doesn’t look like we can get there. A few months ago she told me she stopped hanging out with patient because he was “toxic” but recently she has been hanging out with him again.
It makes me so sad that she was willing to give up our super close friendship over a man. I’ve recently been seeing a therapist about it because it has really been depressing to me.
Lately, I have been wanting to reach out to her and see if she’d want to have a conversation about how things went down and maybe try to pursue friendship again. I really miss hanging out and laughing with her. We did everything together and she was my main support system where I live (I’m a transplant from another city and didn’t know anyone when I moved here). However, I just don’t know if this will lead to further emotional pain. Do you think it’s a good idea to try and rekindle things with her?
TLDR: experienced a friendship break up with my best friend that has been very painful; is it worthwhile to pursue reconciliation?
3 comments
Did you let her husband know what is going on?
It’s hard to lose a friendship but ultimately it sounds like they are making these choices… to lose a friend, lose a husband and possibly gain a toxic relationship. This is a train wreck waiting to happen.. don’t climb on board because you miss how things were. Focus on finding healthy and meaningful relationships elsewhere.
Also- Is her husband aware of this relationship?
Tell the husband, show receipts if you have them since its sounds like she will lie her way out of it if she can.
Your friend is not a good friend or a good person, and you should not reestablish a friendship with her. She is a bad friend for putting you in this position and choosing this dude over you. Shes a bad wife because duh. Shes a bad PT and should probably lose her license /professional membership for this, ut’s extremely unethical. If you become friends again, she will probably betray or screw you over at some point. If shes willing to do it to her husband and to throw away her professionalism and possibly her career, of course she will have no qualms about screwing over a friend for her own gain.
Friendships formed after a move take on huge importance due to the relative isolation and loneliness when moving to a new city. So I underatand why you want to reconnect. But your energy would be better spent finding new friends who are better people.