those who struggle with mental health, what do you want people to know?

17 comments

1. If you’re going to “destigmatize mental illness”, commit. Its easy to be soft and understanding when the symptoms are simple and easy to ignore. As soon as one progresses into the territory of depression causing lapses in self care, or anxiety causing your friend to cancel on you last minute, or really any other symptom of any other mental disorder, those pretending to advocate scatter. Mental illness isn’t pretty and it isn’t fun – its illness. People with schizophrenia, OCD, any personality disorder, etc deserve empathy and the feeling of being able to be open with their reality and seek help without shame as much as any pretty white teenage girl with poetically-sad depression.

2. Don’t treat me differently or pity me. Just don’t.

3. That we can’t turn it on or off. My disorders stay “awake” throughout the day, I WISH I could turn off depression, bipolar, anxiety, etc. (I’m genuinely diagnosed with quite a few)

4. Try to be more empathetic if you can with strangers. If you have nothing nice to say, just say it in your head and move on.

5. During dark dark periods I became a very negative/pessimistic person, too critical, paranoid & not interested in doing anything and make unreasonable demands.

   So if you come across someone/friends/family member suddenly have a change in personality and becomes very negative, try not to take it personally, be patient, keep in touch and regularly check in with them, be a good listener & gently nudge them to seek professional help.

6. I’m labeled as SMI. I am perfectly lucid and capable of understanding you. Do not talk to me like I will explode or go off the rails at any moment. I am not a ticking time bomb. Even un-medicated, I am a pretty chill person and I don’t roll like that.
   Even the so called people who are there to help me at my medical clinic talk to me like I am stupid and like I don’t know what is going on. I am a human and I have feelings and they are capable of being hurt same as you I will not “snap” and hurt you.

7. If I’m talking negatively about myself don’t be like “oh no that’s not true” unless you have an actual argument. Like for example if I say I’m not good at anything and you try and reassure me that I am but can’t give me a single example that makes me feel WAY WORSE.

   I’d rather someone say literally anything else, even agreeing with me and/or deflecting is fine. Just match my energy really

8. I’m committed to healing. So I dont hang around people who don’t want to heal.

   Also, I have been able to stop myself from using my mental illness to guilt trip. So I dont tolerate guilt trips from anyone either.

9. Stop forgetting that I have a mental illness. I will not keep explaining my behavior. You’ve been told. Also, it’s not my job to explain complex PTSD to you. Do your own research.

10. That it’s okay to get help.

11. I’m not doing it on purpose. I don’t want to be this way. I can’t accurately express my suffering; it’s deeper than how I describe it.

12. Just because we look okay, doesn’t mean we are.

    There are bad days where we can be smiling and sociable. There are bad days where we want to stay home all day and be sad and tired and alone. Both of those days can feel the same way internally but look completely different externally.

13. That the “cure” isn’t that easy, I personally hate it when random people suggest ways to help

    I struggle with depression and anorexia, and I’m so tired of being told “oh, just ___” as the cure. For my ED, I’ve tried “just eating”, I’ve tried “just not counting calories”. I’ve tried it all. For my depression I’ve tried “just getting out”, I’ve tried yoga, I’ve tried the gym, I’ve tried healthy eating. I’ve tried going to bed earlier, going for a walk

    Unless we’re really close, you don’t get to give suggestions. And even if we are close, don’t do it like that. My partner and I work together to find things that personally help me, but again he knows me well, knows what I’ve tried, and knows that eating one meal isn’t gonna cure my eating disorder, or going for one walk isn’t gonna cure my depression. I’m just tired of unsolicited advice from random people

14. That struggling with mental heath is not just being depressed or angry. There’s also a numbness (the one I went through). Numb can be numb to emotions, numb to words, numb to physical feeling, and even numb to things that used to make someone smile once before.

    It’s okay to be numb, just take your time to think. And let emotions out. Because personally, I tried to hide my own emotions and it took me so long to finally love myself enough to let it go. I appreciate my emotions, I appreciate the numb.

    And, like an old ad said **it’s okay, to NOT be okay**

15. That you should treat me with respect whether you know about my diagnosis or not.

    I shouldn’t have to give a three-hour powerpoint presentation about a condition I don’t know much about myself just so I’m not dismissed, ignored or treated with scorn.

    I don’t blame you for not understanding my ADHD (I don’t even understand it, so I definitely don’t expect you to), just don’t be an asshole.

    Are my “quirks” dangerous? Are they going to hurt you? Do they pose a risk to your safety? If the answer is no, please keep your opinions to yourself.

16. Healing is a lot easier said than done. I thought when I first began my little healing journey, I’d be fixed up within the next few years. Boy was I wrong. I’ve been working on my mental health since high school and there’s so many different beasts I’ve uncovered within the past 2 years. I’m 25 now. What’s that saying? Different levels, different devils? The deeper you go, more intense wounds are revealed. It’s rewarding but it can really fucking suck at times. I think I feel hurt more often than not.

    It’s partially my fault for buying into the whole “yoga, crystals & herbal tea” mommy vlogger kind of healing. I thought it’d be a lot prettier than it is.

    Sometimes it’s screaming & throwing things around your apartment. Other times it just watching your favourite cartoon because you need to treat your inner child.

    Bottom line: mental illness fucking sucks. And one thing I recently found out: not everything can be healed. So I’m trying to prepare myself for 20 years from now when I may still be struggling with my sexual assault, the tragic death of a loved one, depression & anxiety. Taking it day by day for now.

    EDIT: I said all of this in response to something I see often these days: “go to therapy”. Someone has to want to do the work & more importantly be ready to look themselves in the eye and take responsibility for hurtful things they’ve said and done, not only to other people but themselves as well. Therapy is not an easy or quick fix.

17. that although on the surface I might seem like I have it all under control, I don’t. that doesn’t mean I want pity or anything like that, that just mean that some days it might be harder for me to handle easy tasks because what’s going on inside is requiring a lot of energy.