Myself (M29) and my gf (F28) have been together 5 years, living together for 2.5yrs. I have had rollercoaster feelings for the majority of this year, where sometimes I’m sure I want to marry this girl and other times I think I don’t.

I keep fantasying about being single but not sure if this is influenced by all my friends being single and that we’ve had problems with intimacy for a couple of years now. It’s slowly getting better after talking about it. Over the last few months I’ve been trying to delay booking vacations that are too far in advance as I’m worried I’d be expected to propose.

I’ve spent my entire 20s in just 2 relationships just 6 months apart, and I feel like I’ve missed out on things in life and the freedom being single brings. There are things I want to do before I settle down that she won’t do with me. But do I really need to do these things?

About a month ago, I met another girl who I had an insane connection with and she felt it too. And since then I’ve gone from being unsure about my relationship to unhappy. I have to actively try to make conversation and be engaging with my gf because I’ve just zoned out. We acknowledge we’ve both been complacent with each other for long time and she wants to work through it.

I know relationships are hard and need work. Is this a case of that or is it time to call it off? Maybe my unhappiness will return to just being ‘unsure’ as my crush on the other girl dies out. There’s a lot of good stuff about our relationship which I don’t think is easy to come by, which makes all this harder.

I often want what I can’t have in life which also makes me think I shouldn’t listen to my feelings. I’m so confused. I also don’t want my crush on someone else to influence my decision. But I can’t stop thinking about her either.

I’m looking for some wisdom/advice or some thought provoking questions I can ask myself which can help me understand my feelings and come to a conclusion. Thanks.

tl;dr after 5 years together, I don’t understand my feelings. How do I know if its time to end it or work through it?

47 comments
  1. It sounds like you’re ready to be single. You’re 30, and you’re starting to worry that your girlfriend expects a proposal. So, unless you (a) want to get married, AND (b) enthusiastically want that with your girlfriend, I don’t see any reason to “work on” a relationship you’ve had one foot out of for a year.

    What are the things you want to do before you settle down?

    You’re right, the crush is irrelevant. Crushes come and go. Focusing on anyone else is a distraction.

  2. > keep fantasying about being single but not sure if this is influenced by all my friends being single

    >and I feel like I’ve missed out on things in life and the freedom being single brings

    Do her a favor and let her go. Youre not sure what you want & you’re looking for outside validation too much to be a good partner. You’re allowed to struggle with self identity but it’s selfish to put most of the blame on the relationship. You’ve checked out mentally so be honest & free your girl to find someone who knows they want to be with her. Good luck.

  3. I think you could work through this with a few sessions with a therapist. Other commenters are saying break up, but it’s not a good idea to make major life decisions when you’re feeling lost and confused. I’d try therapy first. Big breakups at your age are hard. Once you’re around 30 most people are off the market so to speak.

    Also be wary of those “instant connection” type of crushes… instant connection does not guarantee a healthy relationship, in fact often the opposite. Those relationships tend to be high drama and short lived. Stability is long term material and stable relationships are often with people you grow to love rather than have fireworks with.

  4. I’m sure not all your friends are happy to be single, honestly.

    On the other hand, what you’re doing is worse than having an affair. Be honest and I would advise you to be there for your gf and stop with the drama

    The grass is not greener and you will probably regret your poor decision

  5. 5 years is quite a commitment. It would feel unfair (if I were the woman) if I were asked to wait even longer for you to decide if you want a longer-term commitment (marriage). But, that is me… and you know more about what her long-term desires are. But, if I were her and you weren’t sure by now, it would be best for me to move on (no matter how difficult it would be to break up). I wouldn’t want to “waste” six, seven, eight… years if you were just going to end it anyway because you were unsure. No one wants to walk down the aisle with someone who feels lukewarm or indifferent. Most women want a man to be fully in love with them – especially at the point when considering marriage. And, through many of your points, it shows that your attention and loyalties and thoughts and intentions are divided.

    No one here is going to be able to give you the answer you are seeking. Only you can. And, that would probably be best answered through a short-term season of appointments with a counselor/pastor/confidant who should pose questions to you that you may not ask yourself or which you may procrastinate/avoid asking…. and volley back and forth with you (something we cannot easily do here to challenge you). You will likely not find a scenario which gives you everything you’ve posed as ideal (in the above description), but the counselor can help you distill down to what is most important to you. Many employers have EAP (Employee Assistance Programs) which give you a handful of free visits for a particular issue (confidential) that would be perfect for this kind of life issue. This EAP info is usually posted on the HR/Personnel bulletin boards or you can ask the HR/Personnel staff to inquire how to reach the service (usually a toll-free number to start the process). I wish you the best.

  6. Regret is a funny thing- regretting this in the future would not mean that this was the right relationship for you and you can’t live your life to avoid regret. Instead you focus on living with the responsibilities of your choices.

    It doesn’t sound like you are able to live with the responsibilities of choosing this relationship at this time.

    In the future, if you miss her or ‘wish you had not broken up’ it will just be because you learned and matured. At this point you’re emotionally cheating on her and it doesn’t sound like you are sharing that with her…

  7. 29 F here. All I can say is that I am in a similar boat (plus other relationship challenges) minus taking to another person. Biggest advice I can give to both of us is to listen to your gut, and sometimes there is no right or wrong answer… Just have to do what feels right. Even if you break up, who knows… you may get back together? Choices aren’t forever unless you make them forever. They say the grass is always greener where you water it… just depends if you’ve checked out already or not. Sometimes its okay to be selfish… sure it sucks hurting others, but but are you willing to put your own happiness at that expense? Let us know how it goes 🙂

  8. My suggestion is to sit in your car alone in a peaceful place and start talking to yourself about what you really want. Don’t think about your crush.. think about yourself and the relationship you are in now. If there is something you’d love to do and she won’t do it with you(obvi if it’s something sexual etc. don’t go out and do it with someone else) you are still capable of doing that thing on your own. Never stop yourself from doing anything just because she doesn’t want to. Obviously it’s important to think about the pro’s of the relationship but sit there and think to yourself.. what are the cons and how do they effect me? Am I able to fix the cons with her or compromise? I also went through a similar thing where I felt like I’ve been missing out on being single in past relationships, personally it told me a lot about how I feel about the person I’m with because what it came down to is the stability of a relationship and the fact that I can love someone and not be in love with them. It’s time to put your big boy pants on and understand yourself and your relationship enough for you to make a very very important decision for yourself, just know it is okay to have doubts by default but those doubts are being manipulated by the outside world not by you. Listen to yourself and know for yourself what is right for you. Live and make these decisions for you!!!

  9. Please leave this woman. You’ve already wasted most of her 20’s don’t take the last few years of it she has left. She deserves someone who’s sure of her.

  10. I DO NOT RECOMMEND breaking up. I was actually in the same situation with one of my previous relationships years ago questioning if I wanted to continue. Looking back I would change or at least try a few things before I ended it. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side like we think, although I don’t regret my decision I think I would have tried to salvage it first and that’s what I would suggest. When you’re with the same person for awhile it’s normal to feel bored of that person and get curious, however I wouldn’t cross boundaries while still in a relationship with someone. Find a way to add intimacy into your current relationship. If you’re both sexually active I would suggest cutting it out for awhile (few months) I find this can help. Spending too much or too little time together can also play a factor. Anyways I would really consider salvaging rather than making a decision you might regret later because the single life is only “fun” temporarily I’m sure your buds can tell you that.

  11. you mentioned you thought you wanted to be single because you feel you missed out
    and inthe next breath you met another girl and basically have the hots for her
    switching girlfriends and you’ll be where your at rn with this new one down the road.

  12. at some point in your life you need to put everything into 2 categories
    #1WANTS
    #2NEEDS
    I want a Corvette-do I need it. no! would that money be better spent on something else?
    Now are you both meeting the needs of the other partner wants?????

  13. There is a lot to unpack here and more to know since we are only hearing one side. Relationships like you said can be difficult. Doubt often pops up. Having crushes on people is common. You will have more then just this one. Often when it comes to feelings for either a person you are with we say we have to be in love. Love is not an emotion. It’s a choice. There are days I love my wife and days I look at here like she’s a nutter. If you can’t talk to your girl about your doubts then you will have a had time talking about other things. One thing I think you should definitely talk about is intimacy. I would suggest looking into tantric. Western society has intimacy way messed up. A good book is tantric orgasm for women.

  14. This poor girl! She stuck it out for you for 5 years during her 20s and wasted all of that on you. And now after FIVE YEARS you’re asking this? You didn’t think to check in maybe 2, 3 years into the relationship to see if you wanted to get married? And now you’re asking Reddit if you should dump her because you’re unhappy with the sex and want to bone this new girl?

    I agree that you’d be doing her a favor to leave, but also really really feel bad for her having given all these years and love to someone so selfish.

  15. Just remember, cupcake phase is a thing. All these movies show a boring wife, and a fun new girlfriend the person just met. Yeah, the begining of relationships are like that. Like picture the begining of the relationship, I’m guessing it was exciting and new, time changes stuff…but also sounds like you’ve got a hand on the door. You’ll end up growing resentment and FOMO …so, let her go. Have your fun, and do everything you want to before settling down. It’s the most fair thing you can do for her….I mean, you’ve already got a crush and daydream about someone else.

  16. The grass is greener where you water it. Attraction fades, in a few years you’ll be in the same position with this new crush of yours.

  17. If you know yourself well enough and have a firm understanding of the trajectory of your life, ask yourself: Will I regret this 5 to 10 years from now?

    One thing to think about as well:
    When have you been wrong about something in life? When did you do something wrong thinking you were doing the right thing? Focus more on social mistakes or situations where you were emotional and made a less than optimal choice, and situations where you had a blind spot; more specifically when your perspective or assumptions about the world were wrong or underdeveloped.
    You may want to make a decision now but really be patient. Distance yourself and consider adopting a different philosophy…. Then follow through with your decision.

  18. If you’re still unsure and bounce around with your feelings after this much time, move on. You’re wasting your time and her’s too. Part of it probably is seeing your friends single and thinking about things you wanted to do before settling down. If you settle down with those thoughts in your head, they will never go away. When you’re 50, you’ll be thinking about what you might’ve missed and resentful toward her. You said there were a lot of good things about this relationship but you didn’t consider any of them important enough to mention so I’ presuming they’re insignificant or that sentence is supposed to deflect questions about why you’re still with her.

    Move on so both of you can look for someone you care enough about to not question what you’re missing.

  19. You say you’ve talked about this with your gf and she wants to work it out.

    Does she also know you’re fantasizing about another woman that you have a crush on? I don’t think it’s fair to stay with her if simply meeting this other girl has caused you to go from just unsure to totally unhappy. I didn’t really see you list anything you love about your gf other than saying a vague “there’s lots of good stuff.” But then with this other new girl it’s “an insane connection” that you can’t stop thinking of her.

    Maybe she says she wants to work it out now, but imagine staying with your gf another couple years only for you to finally decide you’re going to leave. She’s already in her late 20’s and you aren’t sure, don’t take up her 30’s as well.

  20. I was going to advise you to be realistic about the ‘single fun’ you are fantasizing about till I read about your crush on someone else and how it’s pretty much changed, well, everything.

    We can try to excuse infidelity all we want and for good reason, but in the end, there’s no denying that getting cheated on can really break someone’s spirit, especially when the betrayal comes from a long-term partner. The thoughts you are having are not uncommon, but people don’t always have another person in mind while having them. If you get married to your current girlfriend and then you end up cheating, it’s going to hurt you both. It’s obvious why it would hurt her, but it would hurt you as well to know that you became a cheater. Now you will argue that you can control your impulses and won’t actually cheat, but that’s what most people who end up cheating on their partners think till they cross a line they can’t come back from.

    I am also concerned about how your girlfriend doesn’t know about your crush. I feel like I would notice that something was off if my partner had a crush on someone (but that may not be accurate). Is your current girlfriend attentive to you? Or is she coasting as well?

    I suggest breaking up. You don’t seem to be looking FORWARD towards any future with your girlfriend, and any thoughts you have of marrying her seem to be only related to the time you have already spent together. You’re still young and you’ll both find someone else. You should go live the life you want to live (or at least try to) instead of growing resentment towards your girlfriend by thinking that she’s the reason you can’t.

  21. Everyone’s experience is different but I can tell you if another woman caught your eye you are with the wrong one. If you get lucky enough to find the right one you may admire a woman for her looks but it’s a swift passing thought. You won’t click with another woman if you have the one you should marry. Something about you will change. It’s a rare thing but it’s worth searching out.

  22. How would you feel if you found out your girlfriend had met another guy? Said she had an amazing and instant connection to him and it’s made her question your entire relationship? Said that she essentially felt she was ‘missing out’ on getting to enjoy being single (which is just a nice way of saying you want to have a lot of sex with various people) and was worried you’d propose.

    Would you want to stay with her? Would you want a future with her, knowing all of that?

    Let her go. Let her find someone who actually wants to be with her. Because this? Isn’t fair to her. You can question everything all you want, that’s okay and healthy. But just be honest about the fact you’re emotionally cheating and resent her because you can’t act on it.

  23. You are not married and are already into someone else AND wish you were single. YES its time to break up. You may regret it or may not either way it doesn’t matter, what matters is that your girlfriend deserves better.

  24. You’re not ready for marriage. End it amicably and go get some life experience. Let your GF do the same.

  25. I echo seeing a specialist or professional to help you both sort out your thoughts and maybe remedy any underlying issues before making a big decision. Something I heard before stuck with me, sometimes people have 85% of what they want and seek the remaining 15%, thinking that 15% will be the 100% they’re looking for (if that makes sense). Idk if your partner is that 85% to you but it’s also my personal belief that holding onto someone if you’re half out the door isn’t fair to them, and while you’re deciding if she’s worth it to you, there’s probably someone out there that will love her at face value.

  26. In all honesty I think you’re suffering from a mild case of FOMO which is very usual for this age. But keep in mind, what you’re hearing from your single friends is not always 100% true. While they may get lucky sometimes, they are probably feeling quite lonely other times and get rejected too.
    You have to ask yourself how do you see your life in 5 years and work to make that happen.
    In terms of your relationship, maybe think at the bigger picture, do you see yourself with her?

  27. You are 29. You are still young. Yes you have been with your GF for 5 years but as things stand, could you see yourself with her in 20 or even 40 years time? If there is any doubt then don’t propose to her.
    You have too many years ahead of you to settle and be with the wrong person.
    Life is too short to sacrifice your happiness by being in the wrong relationship. If you aren’t 100% onboard with a future with your GF now then I don’t think you ever will be. It sounds to me like you have just outgrown each other now.

  28. Honestly I was aware of the commitment issues that was bothering her even if she was not aware. And I know how much it killed me after 5yrs to watch it cave and spiral in a downfall. Be single and let people know your intentions. Maybe ask or talk to actual people about things instead of whatever this is. I hope you find yourself, being alone actually helped me more than people realize. Try it.

  29. Reread what you wrote and imagine your girlfriend wrote it. How does that make you feel if you read that knowing she sincerely barely liked you, didn’t respect you, and was carrying on an emotional affair with her coworker jeopardizing her source of income? You still interested in her?

    If the answer is no then you need to excuse yourself from this person’s life and leave her alone permanently. She is a person not your property on loan you’re debating whether to return or purchase. A person with hopes dreams and expectations and now that she’s spent 5 years helping you build your life, you want to bail because you’re seeing dividends and want to go put them down on some half conceptualized adventure with no goal. What city? Why? What work? What purpose? What’s the financial future look like spending city money on housing? How does that impact your savings? You sound like you either never matured or are regressing.

    You need a therapist to help sort this, Reddit can’t fix this with rhetorical questions. And you owe your girlfriend a confession about the other woman so she can actually give consent to stay with you. If she wouldn’t choose to sleep with you if she knew the truth then you’re using to deception to sleep with her and it’s nasty. It’s not as nasty as cheating and exposing her potentially to physical consequence but it feels rapey af after the fact when they ultimately reveal they’ve used deceit to gain consent, it’s violating.

    Tell her the truth and deal with the consequences. You keep acting like she’ll be oh so devastated and couldn’t possibly replace you. You have admitted yourself you’re boring with no outside interests. I seriously doubt she’s gonna never recover here bud, pretty sure she’ll be better off and her family will most definitely get over it no matter how big and bad you think you are. You are not her husband and have strung her along for 5 years, they won’t be devastated to lose you, they’ll be pissed off to find out what kind of man you are as they should be using your girlfriend while you pursue other women. You don’t want them to see you for who you are and you’re fishing for an alternative to doing the right thing.

    You don’t have to tell her you’re cheating but you definitely need to break up with her in that case bc you know for a fact you do not have her consent for that and it is more than you just daydreaming about sexy women. She deserves better and you deserve a professional counselor who can help you developmentally catch up since you seem to not have grown very much from these two relationships and need assistance with some basic relational concepts if you’re going to succeed after this.

    You are not your girlfriends god and get to decide her fate for her. Tell her the truth and let her decide if she consents to being with you anymore. I bet no, which means end this if you can’t put on some courage and just tell her. If you can’t tell her you definitely shouldn’t be with her. This is all very very obvious, you don’t even like her and find communicating with her a chore so just release her from whatever manipulative web you’ve woven you think she’s gonna have such a come apart if you go.

    Honestly you should be too old for this, especially after 5 years, this is how teenagers behave not people who can get a mortgage. You’re burning precious time for everyone for absolutely no reason, you guys can be friends if you still want her around, people fall out, it happens, how you’re handling it though is incredibly incredibly arrogant and it was difficult to read. I feel very sorry and embarrassed for your girlfriend, you don’t love her if you’re being like this and definitely should not waste anymore of her time if that’s the case.

  30. This is why I couldn’t be with someone who hasn’t been single for an extended period of time in their youth. I would be devastated to learn my partner still wanted to sow their oats after years invested in a relationship.

    This isn’t going to end well, op. You only gave yourself 6 months of singleness only to jump into another relationship. You don’t know what it’s like to be single and independent. For some people they don’t need/want that phase but you want it and it won’t go away.

    You are already emotionally checked out and sticking around to keep up appearances. Do you want to cheat on her? Cus you’re already on your way. You’ll probably regret breaking up with her but it’s better than wasting her time any longer or cheating on her down the road.

  31. Leave her. I would be absolutely devastated to know the truth as you’ve stated it, if I were her. I’d expect several bumps in the road after 5 years together, but if you’re not ready to marry her now, why would you ever be? And if god forbid you bring children into this hot mess, what kind of resentment will you have then?

    Let’s be real. It’s probably never going to get better. And she deserves better than an emotional cheater who’s only just realizing as he’s approaching 30 that he wants to have sex with a bunch of different people to feel fulfilled.

    If it’s been several years of these types of issues, you should have figured it out when it started. It’s too late.

  32. My honest opinion. Go somewhere you like to go. Spend time by yourself try to spend more time just by yourself.
    The thing is if you aren’t ready to propose. That’s fine. But the biggest thing you need to do for yourself. Do you want that woman to be with you till the day you die? If not you need to move on. Or… try to sit down and talk about this with her. Explain your concerns. Your feelings. How you feel. Remember. You are the only one that can decide what you want and what you desperately need within your life. Others will do what’s best for them. You gotta take care of your self even with being in a unhealthy or any sort of relationship.

  33. As someone who was single for most of my 20s, travelled the world etc, I can tell you – if you are an extrovert who likes to have people around it’s not all that amazing. I spent most of my singledom wishing I was paired up. I finally started enjoying being single around the age of 26. Then I met my husband a year later.

    We are now getting divorced after 20 yrs of marriage and two kids. Turns out I wasn’t quite as happy being single as I thought when I was 26. I settled and ignored our incompatibilities. I am naturally a people pleaser who wanted too much to be agreeable and (being honest) have kids.

    What I am saying is that your decision here needs to be based on self-knowledge about why you are doing this. Will you be able to enjoy being single and seeing the world? Or will you just hook up with someone else because you will get lonely? Are you staying with your gf because you want someone to keep you company? If you know that you don’t really go well with your gf and you will love being single and making your own adventures BY YOURSELF you should be straight with her now.

    Of course, the crush should not figure in your decision at all. I was crushing on someone when I realised my marriage was in a bad way. I went to therapy and my decision to leave is not connected in any way to that crush, which has now passed.

  34. Please do her a favor and end things.

    I was married for 8 years to a man that I thought really loved me and was sure he wanted a life with me. It took him 10 years of us being together to tell me that he had no idea what he wanted out of life. He was unsure if I was the woman for him or if he wanted family life, this was two kids in as well. He constantly talked about how he never got to experience sex with other women or going out to bars and strip clubs like he thought he wanted to.

    I am a thousand percent happier now that we are divorced. I have a partner who actually knows that he wants a life with me and our children and he shows me every single day.

    You want to go sow your oats? Go do it. Do not string this poor woman along and waste her precious time. 😔 it’s so hurtful and unfair. You need to be true to what you want and respect her enough to tell her the truth and allow her to move on and find someone who actually loves her.

  35. Tbh when I was in a 6 year relationship with my ex I felt the same..I was only 22 at the time but I got a big crush on another guy and it kind of showed me how done I was with the relationship. I broke up with him shortly after DESPITE how “healthy” our relationship truly was. Sex felt like a chore, I didn’t want to cuddle him when we watched tv together anymore, the love just wasn’t there anymore.
    That break up was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I’ve been in one other relationship since then with a toxic dude, it taught me so much.
    Now I’m with someone who is perfect for me in literally every way. We are so much more compatible than anyone I’ve ever been with. Even looking back, that crush I had when I was in my other relationship wasn’t real, we weren’t compatible and I now realize I probably just had a crush on him because I was so done with my current relationship…

    If you aren’t excited to marry this woman, please just break up! Your life isn’t worth settling for.

  36. Do her a favor and break up with her…I felt this way with an ex of mine I kept craving the single life while I was with him and he wanted the serious commitment so I broke up with him. At first it hurt but I know I did the right thing he is now happy with somebody else and I’m happy for him.

  37. I’ve just been through this myself with my ex. Please just tell her you feel this way. You are not alone in this relationship.

    My ex told me after he started lying to me about meeting female coworkers, becoming distant and pushing me away that he didn’t know if he was ready for a future with me and needed time on his own after 4 years we spent together.

    The heartbreak and pain he caused me by lying to me could have been avoided if he had openly talked to me about it.

    The thing is I wanted to marry him. When I asked him if he wanted the same he agreed many many times. I always told him that there was no pressure because I too want someone that wants me. So I believed him when he told me that.

    In the end we just went through a very messy breakup because I found him lying to me telling me he was out with his guy friends when he was having drinks with a girl at work everyone has a crush on apparently. I still wanted him back but it’s only now starting to set in that maybe I do deserve someone who wants me the same.

    Funny thing is last month I went through the same doubts. We have our differences which I was focusing on a lot more. I told him how I felt because when I felt the doubt it was a sign for me that there’s something in our relationship I wanted to address so that we can work towards it together.

    I gave this guy 4 years of my twenties. I’m 27 but I had my life planned with this guy. I feel so lost.

  38. I feel like young people think there are an unlimited number of people we will connect with and love. That’s not true. Finding someone you connect with and feel heard and seen by is rare. Now you gotta ask yourself if your current girlfriend is that to you. Is she a great woman that you’re thinking of leaving because you lack excitement? Is she someone who makes you feel seen and heard, someone you’re compatible with, that you want to leave because you want to explore?

    The grass is always greener on the other side. Just think it through before you do anything drastic

  39. Some comments here mention you might get back together and that is just wishful thinking. I am in your girlfriend’s shoes right now, my husband doesn’t know if he wants to divorce or not, he is afraid to make the wrong decision. First I was devastated, now I am just becoming more and more bitter over the fact he probably wants to throw our relationship away without really working on it first. He says he wants to give it a last chance but he isn’t even trying to do that, which is what hurts the most and I will never be able to forgive him for that.
    If you don’t give your relationship one last honest and fair chance and really work on your relationship, then you should be prepared she will probably never be able to forgive you if you break up with her and then change your mind.

  40. Relationships are indeed hard and need work. But it sounds like you are just being selfish and want everything your girlfriend gives to you with the freedom to look at other women. You need to work on yourself more than you need to work on the relationship. You can’t have everything in life. You did miss out on things by not being single throughout your 20s, sure. But what would you have missed out on if you were single? Were you not happy throughout your entire relationships? Because if you weren’t, why did you stay this whole time? The grass will always be greener on the other side. If you want to have fun and focus on yourself, then maybe you should do her a favour and let her find someone who is ready to fully commit without looking at other women. You are wasting energy focusing on things you don’t have in life. When you are in a relationship, your life is no longer just about you. It’s easy to have fun in things that are temporary, but loyalty is hard to come by. There’s not going to be many people who you will be able to spend the rest of your life with. Stop chasing dopamine and focus on real happiness and what you think would be best for your future. You aren’t 20 anymore so you can’t be wasting time mourning the loss of the life you chose not to have.

  41. You should end it. Relationships shouldn’t be about you trying to convince yourself not to end it all the time, which is what you are doing.
    You simply want to be in a relationship, just not with this girl.

    When you end up marrying someone, it should be with total conviction, sure, everyone gets cold feet at some point, but that’s usually jitters before the wedding day, not a constant barrage of doubt throughout your relationship.

  42. I say this with kindness, 5 years is early to be having all these issues combined, and it sounds like you’ve felt this way for a minute. Let her go, and let yourself go. It doesn’t make you a bad person for changing, but keeping someone around just for comfortability can.

    Find someone who doesn’t make you question, and learn about yourself some

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