I always took the heart the advice to never fake orgasms, I’m a bad actor anyways, and I don’t like lying.
So whenever I was asked after sex if I orgasmed I tried to be earnest and I’d kindly say no but that I was okay. I thought it was the right thing to do.
My partner would look a little sad, but say nothing and we’d hang out or he’d go outside for a smoke. He’d never mention it again when we would have sex the next time, the scene would just repeat itself everytime I was honest and tell him I didn’t orgasm, at times he wouldn’t even ask me or assume I did orgasm and sometimes I’d correct him.
Is this behaviour something that can be corrected or is this a red flag?
6 comments
Well is he doing something wrong? Is he finishing to fast maybe
He probably needs some help learning how to make you orgasm, communication is key. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag though other than maybe inexperience, I tend to think if you have to ask if someone had an orgasm then they likely didn’t, it’s usually fairly obvious.
If you want him to finish you off, try asking, or guiding his hand.
I suspect he’s disappointed in the situation or himself for not being able to get you off, but not sure what to do and doesn’t want to make an issue of it since putting pressure on you to orgasm would likely just make things worse. Talk with him about how it makes him feel, and explain how his reaction makes you feel. Then discuss how you would like him to act and react in similar situations.
It might be worth (if it’s true) saying you didn’t orgasm but it was really good and you had a lot of fun. Then you can add what you really liked. Maybe he did something that got you close, next time you could focus on that more.
Have you orgasmed from penetration before?
Did you ever offer any feedback or suggestions to help you orgasm beyond telling him that you didn’t? Maybe his prior partners were able to orgasm from just penetration, but you can’t. If he asked, and you told him that you didn’t orgasm but didn’t give any guidance about how to get you to finish next time, then I don’t blame him for not knowing how to respond. It sounds like he was feeling inadequate for his performance but wasn’t comfortable asking what he should be doing differently.
Now, if you were giving him feedback about how you could orgasm and he was never listening or trying to apply that, then *that* would be a red flag.