Yesterday when we went out for a movie , my dad asked me to switch places with him because a man sat next to me, although I felt bad because obviously the man next to me will feel bad, (ik there is a high chance that nothing will happen to me, but there is always a tiny chance… Moreover there was an incident I experienced in a theatre 3 years back with some creepy dude so yea I’m very careful) I did switch places.
I mean obviously it is nothing personal! Obviously. But still do you guys feel offended when women are generally wary of men even if many of you are very decent gentlemen.
I’m just asking if you guys feel bad, , even if you feel bad,that in no way will change my actions I will do what I feel is safe for me, but I just wanted to know if you guys take it personally.
41 comments
That depends on the circumstances.
A woman crossing the street at night so she doesn’t have to pass me? Nope.
A woman changing seats in a movie theatre to avoid sitting next to me? A bit.
But I’m more upset about the fact that they have to think like that at all.
Nope. You do you. But if you switch seats and I feel awkward about it, I’ll switch seats and move somewhere else entirely.
There may be a little offense, but as a (big) guy myself, I try to put it in perspective.
Sometimes? It’s weird. I know it’s nothing personal, and I understand where they’re coming from, but sometimes it makes me feel bad.
Eh, I’m used to it as this point. What gets annoying is when I have to adjust MY behavior because they are clearly weirded out. Like when I’m just walking to my car and a woman is walking slow in front of me. I feel like I have to adjust my speed and make more noise so she knows I’m not racing up on her.
Yes, of course. I guess some don’t mind it, or will try to placate you and tell you it’s fine.
Look, I understand it. There are a lot of creepy scumbags and rude assholes out there. It’s unavoidable. But it also sucks as a normal dude to be made to feel like they’re a creep after having done absolutely nothing. It’s a reminder that men are often all placed in a stereotypical bucket by women.
At the same time, you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. We live in a world where we’re becoming too afraid to hurt *anyone’s* feelings. In a real situation, if a woman swapped seats in a movie theater with a dude so she didn’t have to sit next to me, I would probably not even notice or take stock of it or be slightly offended but get over it immediately.
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I was on a plane recently and it was 3 seats together and my wife was sitting with her two brothers. Meanwhile my seat was with a random mother and her 4 year old daughter. I actually told my wife to switch seats so they’d be more comfortable and I sat with her brothers.
Tbh probadly I wouldn’t even notice that. But even If I did, I just don’t care about stuff like this.
Here’s an idea, a separate theater, one for only men and another for only women…
It depends but I do feel offended when I am minding my own business and they suddenly distance themselves from me like I done something wrong.
Well, it’s seems most of the guys here are better than me. I do feel slightly offended when people are wary of me. But I think it’s because it reminds me of my time working at a preschool. It’s a story too long to tell now, but the end result was me feeling afraid of losing my job and having my name tarnished for literally doing nothing. And my friends and family trying to justify the person who made an accusation against me for the simple fact that I’m a man.
Yes. It’s very dehumanizing.
I’ve had 30-odd years of adult life to get used to it by now. It’s pretty shitty that we all get labelled as such but what you gonna do. Just carry on trying to be a decent and true person and proving that not all blokes are like that. It’s sad that it’s even a consideration in the first place.
I stopped caring. But i was lucky. I found women that don’t think all men are out to get them all the time in any situation. They made me realize the issue isn’t with me being a man, but how some women have been socialized by a young age to be scared of men. When you hear and read stories about this rape and that statistic… That will skew seriously your perception and it has nothing to do with what men are and what their intentions are.
But as a young man, it fucks you up good. Think gay people and black people face microagressions – damn you should be a awkward guy for a change.
Take it from me… If you ever had a guy you liked on a date and he did not make a move regardless of how many signals you were laying down… That’s directly caused because he is a considerate man that was raised thinking all his actions towards a woman will be treated with extreme prejudice by all women, all the time – even those that are into him enough to go out with him.
The extreme irony of this culture is that all the considerate men won’t make a move, won’t be too daring. While all the exciting men, the daring men, that speak off the cuff and make a move – you can put money on the fact that they don’t care about any anxiety they cause women and they are the exact men that cause the statistics.
I wouldn’t use the word offended but more like upset. Upset that this is the way the world works.
It hurts being treated like a threat, all I’ve ever done is my best to do right by others.
I walk around a corner and all of a sudden I’m the bad guy. I don’t even make eye contact anymore.
I really don’t pay attention to what strangers are doing in general nor would I really care. In general if it doesn’t affect me I don’t care. Lots of creeps out there, you gotta do what you gotta do.
It sucks, but I understand that they often feel unsafe in certain situations so they might react in a defensive manner.
You guys have to do what you have to do to stay safe. I don’t take it personally
Nope. I know I’m not a creep, but I know that she doesn’t know I’m not a creep. No offence taken, just a little bit of sadness that she feels it’s necessary to take those kind of precautions.
Probably doesn’t happen to me as much as some guys cos I’m not very threatening-looking.
As a father to 2 daughters, I completely get it and would not be offended, I’m just saddened that we are in this situation where others can feel vulnerable.
There are times where as a dad, I may see younger people that may be in a vulnerable position and I wouldn’t feel comfortable offering assistance unless I was with my wife.
Nothing like being treated like a creeper for simply existing, its even worst for minorities. Ultimately idgaf, take whatever precautions y’all need to in order to feel safe in the world as long as it doesn’t hinder my day but I notice.
Yeah it kinda hurts; nobody wants to be unfairly stereotyped. Especially since the majority of us aren’t dangerous.
Eh, honestly, you get used to it, it’s not a good feeling, but we can’t do anything about it. Now even we are extremely careful to not look like creeps, even when walking alone or just in public transport
Yes and no? I mean I feel a little bad because I’m being seen as a potential threat. I like to think of myself as a nice and pretty mellow person. However, I’m also like 6’3” and pretty big. Combine that with my resting bitch face and I look pretty mean. So I get the impulse and I’m not going to get mad whenever someone does something to avoid me but I won’t pretend it doesn’t feel bad to be judged based purely on my looks and gender.
Yes. It’s stupid, mostly unwarranted, and not only shows that they’re susceptible to fearmongering but that somehow people are honestly believing said fearmongers. There’s playing it safe (going with friends out to drink and never leaving anyone alone for long) and then there’s straight up paranoia. The really sad part is, we’re not the ones who ultimately suffer for this as those with that level of fear usually end up being alone in the long haul. No one wants to be with someone that continuously fears them.
“Yesterday when we went out for a movie , my dad asked me to switch places with him because a black person sat next to me, although I felt bad because obviously the black person next to me will feel bad, (ik there is a high chance that nothing will happen to me, but there is always a tiny chance… Moreover there was an incident I experienced in a theatre 3 years back with some creepy black person so yea I’m very careful) I did switch places. I mean obviously it is nothing personal! ”
No one would say that the above was OK but it’s the same logic.
Yes. Offended might be the wrong word but it makes me feel like shit. Like you think I’m not even worthy of breathing the same air as you, and if I could just go away and die in a ditch, preferably out of your sight, your world would be better for it.
I wouldn’t say offended, but you always have that (moment, hour, day, week, life-long self consciousness) about what could have caused, in my appearance or behavior, to make that woman want to run away.
Do I smell ? Do I breathe too loud ? Am I that ugly ? Do I look like that much of a creep ?
I think it’ll be taken this way by people with poor self-esteem (but my self-esteem is not your concern), and people that will take that as an outright offense are people you should have sat away from anyways.
My 2 cents.
I wouldn’t say it’s offensive, but it can be upsetting, saddening, have a chilling effect. It’s a symptom of alienation and contributes to alienation. Technically, it’s profiling. But I don’t think any reasonable person would be telling women what they can and can’t be afraid of, unless maybe the fear is some kind of bigotry. (eg transphobic) Some guy with hurt feeling comparing himself to the danger women can face is pretty absurd.
If she’s a complete stranger to me, then I would expect her to treat me like a complete stranger. So usually no. But if I’ve known her a bit and she’s still very wary I am more likely to wonder what I did wrong.
Saddened, not offended.
Yep, we do.
They can, yes, depending upon the specifics.
Your issues are your own. Don’t give a shit
Yes. It feels like I dont have a character and being kept out of society.
Extremely. There is a line between carefulness and insulting paranoia. It’s a public place with loads of people; nothing would happen to you. In the **slightness** chance that he was a creep it would be very easy to embarrass him and move away. There’s a 99.9% chance you insulted a nice guy and made him feel like a pervert for no reason.
I wouldn’t say I feel offended but more so kinda annoyed. Basically when a random woman feels creeped out by a guy who she doesn’t know she’s automatically mentally lumping him into the creep category without him even doing anything creepy. So to follow up with that, how would you feel if some guy looked at you and immediately thought wow this woman is creepy I don’t wanna be anywhere near her without even knowing you? You’d probably feel a little bad, now repeat that a few times and it would probably feel a bit annoying. I think that’s how we guys feel after it happens, it’s like wow another woman making prejudgments on someone based off knowing nothing. It’s annoying but we move on with our lives. Hope that offered something to the conversation.
Only time I get upset is when I take my kids to the playground and other parents eyeball me. I’m just sitting on a bench watching my kids.
Yes I am. Not sure about other guys.
It’s hard not to take it personally when someone thinks your a creeper. Over the years I’ve learned that it is best to just not care what people think of me.