I’m tired of being pissed on by others who seem to be worshiped for no reason I’m tired of never being able to go on the offensive and fight for what I want because I feel guilty about hurting others even one’s that hurt me or threaten my life with full intent I just wish I could command more respect by fighting for it but I just don’t have those instincts I just don’t have it in me and I’m miserable I don’t have a gf I work fast food I hate my life because I feel like I can’t fight for myself and people give me a lot of shit because I struggle to fit in anywhere with my autism, severe adhd and depression I do everything I can to improve myself I eat clean workout 5 days a week talk to people constantly even on my days off the issue is I feel like I constantly have to try and be something I’m not a neurotypical to appease my work, date game, friend circles and it drives me crazy I wish atleast some people could just accept me for who I am
3 comments
You gotta learn to love yourself … everyone is different in their own way …. The older you get the more you realize less people are accepting of you and you learn to be okay with that cause you don’t external validation. Humans are cruel animals, most of us project our insecurities and flaws others out of spite, envy, jealous, hate, etc. There are a ton of genuine and kindhearted people out there you just have to come across them and I’m sure you will!
Learn to speak up and defend yourself by taking baby steps. Write down or script a comeback or phrase, practice it and when needed say it to one person. Then the next, and learn some more and every time someone steps on you you have something to say and protect yourself. It will take and repetition, it will be uncomfortable and you’ll feel wrong and hurt but there’s nothing wrong with that. Just say it and look them in the eyes, no matter how painful or uncomfortable you are. Remember diamonds are made in the rough under pressure.
Please note I’m not saying to be rude and a smart ass to everyone but to those who have it coming hand it to them.
I am just trying to say you are not alone and there are some advantages in the modern world. Any American above the homeless lives far more comfortably than even kings and emperors a couple of hundred years ago. We live longer, don’t generally worry if we will be able to find food tomorrow, and have much better teeth than anyone in history. And never forget William T. G. Morton’anesthesia.
Humans – literally all humans – are wired to live in groups of about 50-200 people. You literally lived, grew up, married, and died with people you knew all your life. You married a girl that was probably a second or third cousin who you had known since she was born.
You worked and probably at least once in your life went off to war with your father, uncles, cousins, and lifelong friends. Politics and religion were a lot more like geography and the climate. You probably didn’t imagine questioning them. It was not perfect, but the concept of social isolation simply did not exist and a lot of daily stressors were shared.
Yes, you might starve, but if you did you did it while struggling to survive with your loved ones and friends. All the pressure was not on you. There was no privacy. Even the concept barely existed, because you lived cheek and jowl with exactly the same people for decades both good and bad.
Strangers were rare and dangerous. They might be coming to kill you and they tended to disrupt the community.
There is a good chance you did not know what was over the next ridge line and almost certainly everything got very foggy after that. Even if you really did travel you journeys were slow and more likely the entire community went with you. The traveling merchant was rare – like meeting a professional athlete or movie star rare.
That is how all humans lived for the first half million years of human existence. Yes, about ten thousand years ago a tiny number of early adopters moved into settlements but most of them remained tiny until very recently.
History tends to focus on the cities, but the rise of the city was very slow. In the United States it was not until 1920 that slightly over half of all Americans lived in “urban” areas, but since this included towns with 5001 people and above these were still fairly small.
Today this has all changed. We don’t tend to know anyone well and often are not really that close to parents and siblings. For most of human history children worked with their parents and siblings helping with whatever it was the parents did all day long. For the last couple of hundred years children have been sent to schools and parents have gone off to work. This is a profound change! But we never even think about it.
We do not know our neighbors. We probably moved to wherever we are living fairly recently and if we didn’t our neighbors did. Every day we are confronted with strangers and just below the surface these strangers tend to scare the hell out of all of us. We usually wouldn’t put it that way, but that’s the truth.
So, my point is your situation is pretty normal. This sub and others offer a lot of good points to help with the challenges of living in this utterly fucked up world that we are not designed for. Being here, wondering about the situation shows you have the basic capacity to succeed and even flourish.
I am just trying to say you are not alone and there are some advantages in the modern world. Any American above the homeless lives far more comfortably than even kings and emperors a couple of hundred years ago. We live longer, don’t generally worry if we will be able to find food tomorrow, and have much better teeth than anyone in history. And never forget William T. G. Morton’s invention of anesthesia in 1846.
So, keep trying. You sound pretty young and weirdly life does tend to get more balanced as you get older. I know that is not much solace, but you are a better man than any sociopath.
Best Wishes!
Best peice of advice get angry! It’s okay to be angry. Get angry at people who treat u like shit. It’ll change ur life.