Ya’ll, I messed up! Bad! And I need help figuring out how to right my wrongs or if its even possible.

Here’s the short version:

bf says he hates me and wishes i was dead and beats me up to the point i have to go to the ER

i refuse to press charges or file a report or let the officers take pics of my injuries

the state still takes him to jail for assault bodily injury

he spends 30 days in jail

doesn’t make any attempt to contact me or have anyone he knows contact me

i’m thinking he is actually done with us this time and simply wants nothing to do with me

yet i’m still trying to sell whatever i can to come up with his bail money but never get all of it

for 23 days i stayed hopeful that i was wrong about what he was thinking and when he got out we would work on things, and was constantly trying to think of ways to raise his bail money

on day 24 tho, i was lonely and confused and horny and ended up getting drunk with some guy i barely knew and regrettably ended up cheating.

6 days later my bf is released and comes straight to me and apologizes for all the times he’s physically hurt me or said mean things. he even wants to write a letter to my parents apologizing to them for hurting their daughter

who he went into jail as and who he was when released were two completely different people. i finally had the person i fell in love with back (and i hadn’t seen that person for months) it was like a dream come true

Now right away he asks if there’s anything i want to tell him…..that told me he already kinda had suspicions b/c of whatever and i didn’t want to completely lie and i didn’t want to break his heart after only being out of jail a few hours. so i tell him that i made out with someone once but that was it.

FF a few days and out of nowhere he tells me he wants me to be his wife one day. was i still dreaming? then i remember, oh yea i slept with someone while he was in jail and all that toxic started building up in my stomach. i already hated myself for it from the second it was over and this just made it worse.

FF a few more days and for some reason he goes thru my phone and puts 2 and 2 together (cuz no where in my phone in any messages or anything does it say i slept with someone else) and wakes me up one night and says i’m a liar and he knows i was lying and he’s packing and leaving. panic sets in for me because i wanted to tell him and not him find out from someone else. but here we are.

we spent the next 2 weeks together still. i’m begging for forgivness and apologizing and trying to figure out how to take his hurt away and put things back togetther and for a min he seemed to entertain that idea.

its been a month now since he’s moved out and clear across town with family. we talk everyday almost but one day its “oh i love you and i have hope for us still” then the next day its “i can’t believe you would do this and i can’t stop picturing it so i’m done” and the day after he’ll ghost me then out of nowhere he’ll text me and say he misses me and wants to see me…..

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GUYS: your take on the situation and what would you do or want your gf to do?

Can this be fixed? I really truly love him and I’m willing to do what it takes to put this back together.

HELP