I am 24 and have a 4 year old son. My ex he is a good guy but has a substance abuse problem … I was with him a year and a half and tried very hard to “save” him but at the same time I am self diagnosing here but I believe I suffer from co-dependency …
I finally broke up with him but he is obviously making me seem like the worst person in the world because I finally put myself first… well now he wants to continue to see my son and idk it makes me feeling weird but at the same time my son did love him and he loved my son so who am I to take that away … he struggles with sobriety if I take my son away that would leave him with nothing to hope for .. idk what do you guys think ?
(SORRY NOT MY SONS FATHER MY EX BF)
9 comments
Id do supervised visitation if and only if he agrees ro get into a program ro help him get and stay clean. If he blows your kid off without a good excuse, thats it. Having an adult constantly let you down isnt good for a kid.
Tell him to get into a sobriety program and get a stamp if he wants to see your son. His reaction to this condition will speak volumes.
Is your ex your son’s biological father, OP? Unclear from the post.
Your son’s safety comes first. You can tell your ex that he can see his son as long as he is not using. If he shows up loaded, no visit. See if you can arrange for supervised visitation so you aren’t the bad guy. If he loves his son, he needs to get clean in order to see him. If he can’t do that, he loves his addiction more than his son. Tell your son that his father has an illness and refer to him being “too sick” to see him when he doesn’t show up or shows up high.
I think you’re on crack yourself for considering letting a man you *wouldn’t even date….because he’s an addict* have time with your son.
This is obviously manipulation on his part and absolutely you shouldn’t be making play dates for your child with grown men with drug abuse problems.
If he loved you or your child more than whatever substance he abuses, it wouldn’t be an issue. Pinning his sobriety on a 4yo is fucking sick too.
Once you break up he’s not owed time with your friends, your family, your child, ANY relationship/ friendship he made through you with your family ends at the break up.
You’d be literally insane to entertain this idea imo. The answer is a hard, immediate no. “Hope you get your life together but you’re not a part of ours any longer.”
Is he the father of your child? If no, then he gets cut out. You would seriously contemplate continuing to allow someone with substance abuse issues in your 4 yr old son’s life? That is just completely fucked up.
This dude isn’t even the father of your child. He has no rights, block him and move on.
This isn’t the child’s father.
It’s an ex that you broke up with because he has substance abuse issues.
You were only with him for a year and a half.
There is absolutely no reason he needs to have any contact with your child.
So if he has a substance abuse problem and can’t stick to his sobriety then how is he going to stick to be a constant in your son’s life? Let your son hold onto the good memories of this man. You left for a reason and by the sounds of it he’s manipulative and is trying this road to worm his way back