I have been with my bf for three years and he has struggled with a lot of mental health issues and ptsd even before I met him.
I started to feel really resentful towards him for not seeking help. I’ve come to a point where i even find it hard to stay nice & gentle. He keeps venting about the same issues over and over again. And i keep telling him things won’t change if he continues to ignore it. I too have struggled a lot with mental health issues in my past but i have been in therapy for more than 3 years now & it really helped me for the better. At this point i know exactly what’s “wrong” with him & how badly he needs professional help. When he is like this he pushes everyone out & won’t let anyone help him or come close. He won’t eat or do anything; he completely stops functioning. I feel really powerless when this happens. You can try give him the world but he won’t respond.
His ignorance/denial of his mental health issues have cause a lot of (behavioral) problems within our relationship incl cheating and other painful betrayals.
He seems like such a good man underneath all his issues but I have come to realize that I might not ever be reaping the rewards.
I’m aware if he isn’t committed to changing himself, the cycle of self-destructive behaviors to himself & the people around him will continue.
It really makes me so sad he didn’t have a youth that was good for him. I really want him to be happy and enjoy life. I want to minimalize the gaping hole in his heart. I just want him to be happy.
How can I convince him to seek help? & how can I calm myself of this anger and resentment? I used to be so head over heels in love with him.. It’s upsetting how we’ve been reduced to this..
5 comments
Look, if he won’t get help you don’t have to stay with him. This will not get better until he decides to work on it, and he is not. There isn’t any reason for you to stick around with someone content in their destruction.
I am afraif you cant convimce him. He needs to learn and understand on his own. I know its hard, but if it doesnt come from himself theres nothing you can do…except being there for him as ling as its healthy for you. But sometimes leaving, ketting go, is the best help. Most times people needs to fall very deep to realize they need help. As long as they have someone helping them they dont see why they need help otherwise
you aren’t responsible for his mental health. he is.
M58
In similar situation. To cope I sought counseling to help me understand and deal with the situation.
He isn’t going to change. He is going to stay this way. Can you handle that? His self-destructive behavior will have an effect on your mental health. And as in first aid instruction, you have to make sure you are safe before you try to help anyone else. A drowning man will drown you too if you try to help without the training. The help he needs is beyond your pay grade. Your have to choose: 1) and watch him self-destruct and possibly go with him or 2) save yourself? Only you can determine what your direction in life will take.