Hi English is not my first language o sorry for typos. Also throwaway in fear my husband will somehow see.
I 25f have been married to my husband since a week before my 19th birthday. We met when I was 15, and I have been living with him since then. Long story short he saved me from an extremely abusive home. Up until 8pm tonight our love have been a fairytale with the three of us. Him, me and our 6 year old son.
Long story short I was scrolling in tik tok and saw stories about girls who when through what I have and come from homes like me and were groomed. My husband happened to walk in when one video was talking about her experience and went ballistic when she said she left him. And guys when I say ballistic I really mean it. He started screaming and cussing calling every name in the book. So much so it startled my son who had just fallen asleep for the night. When our son came see why all the yelling was happen my husband looked him in the eyes so cold and told him to go back to his room unless he wanted to go to heaven tonight too.
My son when running to his room. Before I could even figure out what was going on, my husband had be my the throat and spat in my face calling me ungrateful. He then punched me in my stomach and spat on me again prior to turning to walk out. Right before he walked out he told me not to do anything stupid and he will sign lever rights to our son.
I was and am still terrified. I tried calling him and he just sent me a literal picture of him kissing a women saying not to wait up. I am so sick to my stomach and so confused. He has never acted anything like this before and I think my son and I are in danger?
Do I need to leave? What do I do now? Will he give me custody? I have nothing. No family because of the abuse. And I have never worked a day in my life. He has always taken very good care of me and our son.
Please don’t hate me I am just confused and have never been in a position like this before. I thought he loved me? My son is safe and asleep in bed next to me by the way.
26 comments
If your husband, by your own admission, looked your son in the face and said “I’m going to send you to heaven”? And you’re in a house where your husband has a key? Then you two aren’t safe.
You say you have no family… sounds like he helped ruin those relationships? Maybe you can still call them and ask for help? I know my family would be there for me in a heartbeat and I’ve been scarce for decades at this point. You may think they won’t be happy with you but what’s worse… talking to them? or waiting for your husband to come home and send you two to heaven?
Where are you? country, city? There should be local resources to find a place to go for you and your son. Battered women shelters, etc – but they depend on where you’re located. You’ve looked your real husband in the eyes and watched him threaten a 6 year old boy. You need somewhere else to be as soon as you possibly can.
I agree you’re in danger. Which country are you in? Contact your local women’s aid so they can help you.
I get it may not seem urgent now that it’s over, and i’m sorry this is all hitting you all at once. It can be so hard to realize someone you loved/love is not who you thought they were.
But yes. It is sadly all too common for men like that to do far worse to those they can manipulate to stick around. Both you and your son are in danger, your instinct is right, and please do not let the honeymoon phase that is likely to follow tonight trick you into thinking it was a one time fluke.
*please* look into the cycle of abuse. i wish i had known it sooner when i was living with my abuser.
the change will be so hard long term, but looking back i promise you you’ll be so glad you did. if you have somewhere safe to go, that you can take your son, i’d start preparing to escape. call local DV resources if you can, to know more about what the laws are and what resources there are for your area. you can do this. it’s scary but you are absolutely capable, and both you and your son deserve a bright and happy future. what do you want your life to look like a year from now?
also, please don’t think you should feel shame or hatred for not knowing what to do. you’re in a tremendously difficult situation through no fault of your own, and i hope this isn’t weird to say, but i’m proud of you for posting this, for reaching out for help. i believe in you OP 🤍
Can you stay at a friend’s house or cousins? Get custody & child support. As well as restraining order against him.
You need to leave and call 988 or 911 to ask for help and resources for Domestic Violence. You are in grave danger. My ex behaved like this shortly before we broke up. He actually murdered his next girlfriend and is in jail for life now. Get out today.
If you are afraid what he might do when he comes home could you ask someone you know, a friend, to stay with them? If not call police and ask for help. They can’t tell you what could you do hopefully. In morning you can try and see if there is any organization that helps woman cuz there might be some depends where you live tho. Sadly i do think you where groomed. You didn’t have anyone and he was literally your only hope in that time so naturally you went with him. But you see now that he is dangerous and you need to be very careful. Please let us know when you safely get out.
Yes you need to leave now. (I do not frequently make comments this dramatic.) Go to a shelter not even not screwing around with this at all.
You 110% leave, and you call the cops and get a restraining order. He threatened your life and the life of your child, and for that he can fucking burn.
Make a secret plan to get out. You don’t owe him knowledge that you’re even thinking of leaving. You and your son will be safer that way. That he put his hands around your neck means he could easily turn deadly. Along with everything else you described.
He choked you (a violent act that commonly leads to women being killed by their partners) and he made a death threat to your child. You both need to get away from this man and to safety right now. Do NOT wait for him to come home – grab what you can in a bag and leave now. You can always come back with police escort to get the rest of your things,
You need to leave asap, start packing a bag or call the police and wait for them to get there to start packing. If he was in such a rage he threatened his own son by telling him he would see heaven then you both need to be running asap. I don’t normally comment on peoples stories or this hard core but I was in your position with 3 kids. I was terrified and scared, he alienated me from family and friends, they were there when I needed them. I know that you don’t have that or think you don’t but there are many dv shelters or people who were in your same position that will help. You just need to make that phone call to police and dv shelters. Police may Eben know some that you can go to right now, or they can set you and your son up in a hotel for a few days to get you in. I’m begging you please get help, this is only the beginning, he will most likely to much worse to the both of you. I know it’s very terrifying, I know you have the strength because you wrote on here asking for help /advice, that was a very hard thing to do. Please let us know you and your son are safe when you can and only of you feel you are in a safe position to do so.
Call the cops. Say he threatened you and your child. Say this man groomed you because he fn did groom you. They often go to vulnerable children because they don’t have a support network and are easily manipulated. Press charges. Some countries don’t have limitations on grooming and statutory rape.
Depending what country your in I’m sure if you divorce him you get half of everything and he’ll have to pay child support. Also why didn’t you call the police and press charges he physically assaulted you and he’s having an affair both are grounds for a divorce and the charges wont look good for him. Seriously if you dont put a stop to it now that toxic man is only going to keep on doing it because you allow it.
Yes you need to leave. Even if it was a “fairy tale” until now, you need to leave.
Don’t threaten to leave or tell him your plans. You need to do this very cautiously. Find out what organizations exist in your country and local area for victims of suggestion abuse. Talk with them about how to leave and what resources are available to you.
Leaving will be difficult. You will feel sad, you’ll feel guilty, you’ll doubt your decision, you’ll miss him. You still need to go. His actions are extreme and very dangerous and once violence like this starts, it is unlikely to stop.
Safety is the first priority. But I hope at some point you’ll be able to process the history of your relationship. I have a feeling that it wasn’t what I’d consider a “fairy tale” kind of love, but more of an attachment because he rescued you and you doing a lot of tiptoing around to avoid upsetting him. Now that you’re grown and having your own thoughts and potentially having thoughts that disagree with his, you’re seeing his real potential for harm.
i’m sorry, you were living with a 23 year old man at 15? Sounds like he just wanted to use you for his pleasure. And as of so far its probably worked, I’d leave him. And get custody of your son, you’ll both be much safer if you divorce him and file a restraining order so he cant come near you ever again. He hit you over nothing, if he gets mad over a tiktok imagine what he’ll do in an actual argument.
There might be a domestic violence group on reddit. Otherwise I help run one on Facebook. In some states you can go file a restraining order where police remove him from the house. Otherwise a shelter to start with…
I know it’s hard and overwhelming and exhausting. If you’re interested in the Facebook group, message me.
You need to go to the police and tell them that he physically abused you nad threaten to end the life of you and your son, they will protect you from him. Ip ypu need to divorce him and report him to the police, he is dangerous, if you can’t find the strength to do it do it for you do it for your own son safety
what country are you in?
Wow, he has certainly showed you his true colours! I am so sorry. Wait until he’s away at work, pack your bags and leave with your son to a woman’s shelter. I would make a post about how to find help in a sub about your country (minus the details in case he reads it). Also make sure he doesn’t read this, because of the details. Change some details please. You can also call emergency services and let the police help you, at least in my country.
Save that picture he sent and all messages, it will help you in court. Try finding a women’s shelter by you, they’ll be able to help your son too. In the morning go to a police station, don’t just call them. Ask them for help, at least make a police report. Did he leave marks on you? All things to tell/show police. Document it, take pictures. Anything he sends can be used as evidence of abuse. You can do this, you’re stronger than you think
I want to cry reading this. I haven’t even read through the posts yet. I really hope you are able to go somewhere asap for your sake and for the sake of your son. I have a 6 year old daughter so I know how impressionable this age is. Your son needs you now more than ever momma
I’m genuinely curious about this, there are literally an infinite number of Domestic Violence websites and a ton of resources available on Google. What made you think, I’ll go to Reddit? You know what your husband said and did was horribly wrong, you pinpointed them in your post. I’m not victim blaming or trying to shame you, I just wonder, why Reddit?
GIRL WHAT!? he just threatened to kill your son LISTEN TO YOURSELF. he hit you. Leave him, get somewhere safe, get divorce, change your name—get a restraining order or smth and never contact that man again.”
CALL THE POLICE NOW!
It’s been a couple of hours now but I hope you called the police and told them everything + your past history and asked them specifically to send you to to a safe place for women and children! And that you need help with everything ASAP! Please please take a little cash with you, get a new phone number + phone so he can’t track you if he’d think about that or already did put an app on your phone you never know!
Then Google places that can help you in the city and Hotlines on that new phone. If you can’t get a new phone at least turn it off and ask someone in a (hopefully) safe place for one to google for said things.
I wish you all the best but seriously get out of there now. Its not only for your best but in your son’s interest too. You DON’T want a men figure like that and you don’t know if he’ll lay hand on him too one day.
Take care and alle the best to you <3
I know it is scary, I fled after five years with my infant. Trust your gut, even if everything else says it’s wrong. You are scared for a reason!
If you are in the US, file a report with the police, get an injunction (restraining order) that includes both you and your son (they’re free and enacted within 24 hours!), and seek a women’s shelter. They have safe houses so you won’t be homeless or where your husband knows your location. They have resources to help you become independent and get away from your husband.
Don’t trust a word he has said, until you have a custody order for your son signed by a judge your husband can change his mind. Your son is a weakness to you that can be exploited for control and power over you. If you want to seek full custody you will need that police report and proof of violence. The sooner you do this the better, as any time passed will be viewed as you not seeing an immediate danger. Especially if he left any marks, get them documented.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, feel free to PM me. I’m still in the thick of it myself and I can tell you from experience what will happen if you don’t follow the steps above. Again my advice is only good in the US, but nonetheless I wish you the best.