I recently expressed to my therapist that I reject advances from anyone who has sexual interests that I do not believe I can fulfill, even if these things are not mandatory for them.
For example, if someone tells me they are into CNC, I immediately give up on pursuing that person because I am a SA survivor and this is not a kink I can ever be talked into, this is a hard line for me.
However, recently a partner (fwb) I have already seen many times shared some new kinks with me and it started making me nervous to see him because I’m not sure I can fulfill all of those fantasies for him and I don’t want to disappoint him. My therapist challenged me. He already confirmed we would only do things I’m comfortable with. Why is it not enough for me to know he is okay with my boundaries?
Has anyone else had concerns about not being able to fulfill all of a partner’s fantasies?
2 comments
What are you concerned he will do? He has already told you its at your pace? Whats making you overthink?
Why do you feel like you need to fulfill all the fantasies that your FWB has? By definition, not your job. And in reality, very hard for anyone to fulfill anyone else’s every single fantasy.
Boundaries are *healthy.* And you know where yours seems to be. So communicate them, stick to them, and let anything else go. No reason to feel ashamed or less than if you had said from the beginning it wasn’t for you. Don’t make their feelings about it yours.