So basically I fell deeply deeply in love with this girl. We were always together making the most wonderful memories, telling each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and that we are each other’s soulmates, she truly cared about my well being and tried to help me but I took everything to heart and not to mind which she tried to help me understand.
Fast forward I was staying with her in Uni and she wanted me to leave back to my city, I left and a week later she said she wants to break up. She was extremely overwhelmed with her studies and didn’t want to stay together if she couldn’t give me the love I was expecting. She wanted to stay friends and maybe get together again someday. After that it was a constant up and down, waiting to hear from her all day, feeling lonely and checking my phone every few minutes because she was the only person I wanted to talk to, I have no other close friends either.
The last call we had she just told me that she has lost all hope of finding happiness and is feeling suicidal. Then a few days later I wanted to call her and she didn’t want to and I was trying to force her into calling me, I was telling her about how lonely I was feeling and that I need someone on the phone, she told me she has to deal with her own shit and that I have to deal alone, it escalated to the point where she was telling me I should get a life and based on how I act I don’t truly love and care for her, I took it extremely personal and said hurtful things like “you don’t love and care for me either” “you just used me to get over your ex”. This led to her saying she never wanted to see or hear from me ever again, calling me a wounded insecure child and a narcissistic asshole, that I’m toxic and I only make her feel worse. I then freaked out and really regretted what I did. I tried calling her but she just ignored my calls. She never responded to another message again.
We still followed each other at that point and she hadn’t blocked me. Then a few days later I tried to log into her insta and Facebook from a old laptop she gave me and she instantly noticed and changed all her passwords. I then just started spam calling her on everything until I got blocked on everything. I am going to her Uni in a few days and dropping off the last of her things I have of hers, I won’t see her and all of her friends are telling me that I did some really fucked up shit. I am now realizing that I toxically ruined things with the person I loved most, she felt like a gift, she was a lot more emotionally mature then me and was trying to help me through my unconscious toxic habits. I threw it away because I was too selfish to try and truly understand. I just can’t stop wishing I could go back in time and change things but I can’t. I don’t feel like I’ll ever move on from this regret. I am trying to distract myself by being productive but everything in my apartment reminds me of our memories together and It leads me to thinking about how I selfishly ruined everything and I will never make another memory with her. I lose all motivation and just want to stop existing.
What do you think?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
2 comments
It sucks but you will be happy again I promise you that as long as you still have hope and keep trying to find the one that’s all you can do, sounds like she wasn’t actually as mature as you described because someone who really cares about you will understand where you are coming from and is willing to forgive and move forward.
On the other hand sounds like you have stuff to work on, I’d just say focus on you and try to reach out to new people if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, iv saw a quote online saying the best revenge to your ex is upgrading yourself and making them regret ever losing you by doing so I sympathize and understand where you are coming from man and know that your not alone in this sinareo.
She was depressed and it seems like you have your own mental issues, you stepped over the line very hard and your actions likely creeped her out and angered her.
I hate to say it but if it were me in her shoes, I’d never talk to you again, especially since of I’m depressed and you just added more reasons for me to be depressed.
You don’t need to just move on, you seriously need some professional help, there is hope for you becauee I can see you saw the error in your ways but no point hurting yourself over it without an action plan to better youraelf
Leave her alone, don’t bring it up again go get therapy and don’t date until you are OK as you will do something again. Feelings change people, I see the most level headed nice friends switch into almost a monster from their feelings. Do not end up like this, get help. It’ll all be better in time, I promise you, you will just be OK one day if you take the right path forward