How do you get over being told since childhood you can never be a man no matter what you do I’m 28 and constantly being told you’re still not a man I have my own place n car n dog.

23 comments

1. Stop listening to shitty people.

2. You can make your own life according to your own values. If you do that, you’re a man.

3. I can tell you one thing: people have different thoughts on what’s manly and what’s not, they have different opinions what’s a man and what isn’t. So ignore these people.

   If you feel like a man, are manly by your definition? Then you are a man.

4. Don’t listen to them, they are fuckwits

5. If they disturb your peace to the point of breakdown it might be better to stay away from them. Not to be confused with running away but distance yourself. I grew up in a similar situation and I’ve had to learn to say “f— you!!” Also if they don’t pay your bills their thoughts are unimportant and irrelevant.

6. I’d cut them out of my life and get on with continuing to be a man. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to maintain a relationship with them.

7. Whip it out and show them!

8. OP you’re getting the same advice over and over here. One of the manliest things I ever did was cut toxic bullshiters out of my life. If you do this, commit to only letting people and things in your life that will get you to where you want to be then you’ve done it. Boundaries are a game changer.

   When presented with a situation, ask yourself, is this getting me closer or further away from my goals?

9. Your best bet is to stop caring about their opinion of your “manhood.” It will help your state of mind and most likely will make them see you as more mature. The therapy will be worth the money, but most likely it’ll be covered by your insurance or whatever your country’s form of healthcare may be.

10. Stop listening to those cunts?

    They’re just trying to bring you down to their level.

11. Stop trying to impress people who aren’t worth impressing. They aren’t the Gatekeepers of Manhood. They’re just pompous assholes who withhold approval because it makes them feel better.

12. Nothing you can do you are what you are

13. Stop listening to them is right. Get some therapy, too. Real men go to therapy.

14. Sometime in my twenties I was miserable, I hated my life. I realized that I still saw myself the way my parents saw me. That I was dumb, I was lazy, that I was going to end up in jail, that I was worthless. Even though I had stopped seeing my parents, I still had them living in my head.

    If you have people telling you you’re crap, the first step is to stop seeing those people. The second step is to decide who you want to be and then work on becoming that person. Just trying to make yourself better makes you better. Even before it’s possible for any real change to have occurred, thinking seriously about yourself and working to improve yourself in someway actually changes you.

15. Man is an ideal, you strive for it but can seldom actually reach it. Seriously, when you stop caring if people think you are a man or not, you will be there.

16. You are the only person to control how you feel about it.

17. Friend, what you need is deliberate time practicing a better mental model. There are good answers here but none of them are going to stick because what’s really hurting you is the fact that you have so much practice with this other bad mental model. Whether you’re around them or not (you shouldn’t be), the habits are already formed in your brain.

    If this is truly important to you (and it should be), I’d recommend hiring a trainer; someone who knows time-tested techniques for retraining your brain and emotions. Someone who can challenge your bad habits, help you find better ones, and be consistent with you as you train to employ a better mental and emotional response. It’s just like physical training: there’s no replacement for steady consistent incremental effort. It helps immensely to have someone there along the way.

    You probably saw this coming, but they’re called therapists and it’s called therapy. You should get one and do it. If you could lay money down right now and fix this, wouldn’t you? You’re worth it.

18. Waste no time arguing what a good man should be, be one.
    – Marcus Aurelius.

    (Sounds like that is exactly what you are doing)

19. turns out when i hit 18, i won, every government on the planet agreed, i am now a man

20. Don’t care about other people’s opinions about you. You’ll never satisfy everyone’s expectations so instead work on fulfilling your own goals.

21. Having a house, a car and a dog does not make you a man. Those are just material things. The way you present yourself to the world, your moral code, how you treat yourself and others. That’s the kind of things that make you a man. Your age has nothing to do with it either. From the way it sounds Your male relatives are not men at all. What kind of man puts people they care about, down? They should be guiding you. And if they can’t, then do not waste your energy “proving” anything to them. You keep being yourself and becoming who YOU want to be, don’t compare yourself to them and definitely don’t listen to them.

22. When you show that you are **willing to fight your father for insulting you,** and do it if needed, he will respect you as a man. It doesn’t matter if you lose the fight. It only matters that you will fight him.

23. I want to say also a couple of things:

    1- I know therapy it’s expensive, but believe me, it’s investing in yourself and it’s really worth. If there’s a psychology university close to you they might be offering cheap sessions from recently graduated psychologists. I’d recommend you to check on those. (Or if you’re american, maybe find a psychologist from another english country. Now that the dollar is that up maybe you can afford some online sessions)

    2- I want to send you a big hug and big love from Spain man. There are good people out there and I hope you find them and you end up realising that being a man is about being who you want to be. Stay strong m8! 💪🏼