Women of Reddit, how much should you compromise in a relationship?

24 comments

1. As much as the other person is willing to compromise. If you give more than that you are a doormat.

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3. Equally.

4. Compromise on small, petty things. Like what’s for dinner, or whose turn it is to do dishes, or what movie to watch.

   But don’t compromise on the big things. Like whether or not to have kids, or whether to change your religion, or whether to work outside the home or stay at home.

5. I don’t ask anything of my partner that I don’t ask of myself.

6. There’s no set amount. It’s all dependent on what you’re trying to compromise on or if there even needs to be a compromise.

7. If you’re married? Constantly. If you both compromise its fair, if one person is and one isn’t then it won’t work

8. Depends on what it is.

   What we are having for dinner? I’m willing to compromise a lot. Me getting pregnant again? Will not budge an inch.

9. I don’t think it’s a matter of how much you should compromise vs what you should compromise on. I’m always willing to compromise on small things (what are we doing this weekend, who’s cooking dinner, etc) but I have a few larger things that I will not compromise on, basically just anything that conflicts with my values. As long as my partner is equally open to compromise on the little things and respects my stance on the larger things, we’re good.

10. Equal to the other person

11. I don’t like to compromise much, I really like to collaborate. When you compromise you have to give things up for the other person. If we collaborate, we can both work towards what each other need or want together. If we end up compromising it needs to be something small and insignificant. Compromising on important things leads to resentment, in my experience.

12. I don’t mind compromising on something minor like what we’re going to eat or chores. However, I refuse to compromise on serious matters such as religion, politics, kids, or my career.

13. If it’s with a man, not at all.

14. A good relationship seeks to meet the needs of each partner. Sometimes, your partner will have a need or a want that doesn’t line up with your needs and wants, and if the relationship is going to continue on equal footing you will need to compromise. This isn’t a bad thing, its a normal part of navigating an adult relationship. I *would* say compromise should NEVER happen when it comes to your health, safety, or sexual consent. I would also add that a relationship that can only be maintained by one person constantly giving up their needs and wants is lopsided, and the couple are incompatible. If you can both feel like your needs are met most of the time, and you can meet more or less in the middle most of the time, you’re good. Its a quality vs. quantity thing to me. Its not “how often should I compromise?” its “whats compromise look like in this relationship?”. Is it collaborative – working together to find a way to make both people comfortable? Or is it selfish – one person always gets what they need at the cost of the other?

15. I would say you can compromise on almost anything as long as it isn’t at the expense of your peace and wellbeing.

16. I tend to compromise too much and end up unhappy in the end.

17. only as much as the other party is willing

18. Honestly, it highly depends on the person I am with. I used to swear up and down that there were things I wouldn’t compromise, but I met the person I want to be with indefinitely, and nothing else really matters. If there is something that I need to compromise on to stay with him, I most likely will. I am in love with him, and he’s a good person. I think in all genuinity, I found someone who I know won’t make me compromise the big things. I fell in love with who he is, and I would do anything for him, and I know he would do the same.

19. Everything comes with discussion. I believe each partner should be willing to compromise every once in awhile. It doesn’t have to be every time or about every topic, but I think it should be equal. Each partner should compromise equally, to leave a balance and no room for issues. You shouldn’t compromise on everything to the point of you feeling like you’re losing your beliefs, just to make your partner happy.

20. As much as you’re comfortable and as much as it’s equal.

21. Very subjective – Everyone has different non-negotiables (not applicable to abusive relationships obviously)

    Find yours first, everything else that remains is something you can compromise on without feeling resentful. Also make sure to convey your non-negotiables early on in the relationship.

22. Compromise on the things you don’t see yourself regretting the fact that you Compromised in the future

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24. Honestly, I think it depends on what the compromise is. If it’s something like one degree on the thermostat or something that just really isn’t that important to you, compromise away. If it’s something like whether or not you want children, no.

    I wouldn’t see there as being an amount of “how much” someone should compromise as I think it depends too much on specific situations.