My(19m) gf(19f) have been together for about 2 years and manages to complain everytime right before(or in between) I either want to study for school or go to the gym and train or read or whatever. This really negatively effects the thing I want to do. Last time she did this right before my gym session and complained about how she has a bad mood because of her mom did this and her dad did that and she feels fat and she hates herself etc. and all the negativity pulls me down and makes me feel energyless and sluggish.
As she does this alot, I decided to tell her this last time that I like to be there for her and listen to her problems because I get it that life is hard but I asked her if she can maybe keep this to times where I’m not doing something productive as this wears me down since I myself am suffering from depression and anxiety. She was upset but she agreed that we are going to it like that. Yesterday we were in the gym and she was acting different and weird the whole time which again made it all about her while I just wanted to focus on training so I asked her again what’s wrong till she again started complaining about how she she feels bad about herself and feels ugly which distracted me again from my training. I didn’t say anything and tried my best to be loving/caring because I thought well it’s okay it’s just this time maybe it’s something serious. At the end she told me that I really lightened up her mood and she thanked me but again this was at the cost of a good gym session.
Today I was getting ready to study for my final exams(we talked before for like 2 hours on the phone but she decided to keep the complain for when I start studying) and as I sat down and started I see a message “😔🔫” and I don’t want to be toxic and just ignore so I went on the chat and asked again but today I snapped and asked her why does she needs validation and attention 24/7 and can’t let me be productive for once. I know it was mean but I am just so sick of this, I tried my best to be loving but I don’t know what else to do, it makes me so angry but I also can’t just ignore her. Any help is appreciated
TL;DR: gf always destroys my will to do something productive by complaining about stuff right before (or in between)
7 comments
Ugh. She needs to grow up. Just ignore her or leave.
Id never be with someone so negative.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
You can’t help someone who only wants to bring others down. To make others feel just ask bag at they do.
She needs to go see a therapist and get over all her issues.
She is being selfish, possibly narcissistic, deliberately (unconsciously?) sabotaging you. She’s an albatross around your neck.
She’s not trying to fuck you up, per se, she’s trying to keep you near her. But she’ll drown you, eventually, if you don’t get away.
She might change, but you can’t change her.
When I’m with somebody who does that, instead of validating the negative comment, I ask “So, what’s positive in your life?” and then focus the conversation on that.
Well…this is why people say love yourself first before loving someone else or even being in a relationship. If she’s so insecure and can’t seem to grasp how much her complaints are affecting you and your relationship then it might be best to break it off. But does she go to therapy or get any kind of help that would help her become more confident and less demanding for validation and attention? Because if she doesn’t have any kind of help then she needs one and you could stay with her and support her if you want to. if she does and it’s not helping…then I would advise you to leave her…I guess it’s sad, but if it’s making you unhappy, then leave.
Did she answer when you wrote that? Tbh, sometimes you gotta be brutally honest if you’ve already told her nicely how you feel about her complaining and asking for validation and attention 24/7 and she still doesn’t get it.
She’s doing it on purpose so you won’t do anything that takes your attention off of her.
Why are you trying to change her? If you’re not compatible, break up. You’re just creating more misery by trying to change her.