I dont know if it is just me but I feel like dating is becoming really hard. Not only dating, but also having healthy connections with people. Yesterday, I was discussing this with a friend and he told me that Instagram changed all kind of relationships since it showed people there are so many options out there and people are kinda disposable. Well, I think he has a point there. I wonder what do you all think about it?
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I think people dont want to invest in other people anymore because they think the investment will fail anyways.
Disposable is a bit offensive word, but your friend might have a point as you said. Building healthy relationships with other people feels like a waste of time i guess
“Grass is greener on the other side” mindset.
Because people are out there for themselves. People want short term dopamine fixes in the expense of the other person. It’s not usually a personal issue but more of a selfish one. People also want all of the perks without the commitment.
This has gone on throughout time, people cheating and taking advantage isn’t something new. Social media and the relaxed social views have only brought all of this into the spotlight alongaide new ways of instant gratification via likes, followers, or people who swipe right (whatever way the “like” direction is).
All you can do is accept that people are like this. Accept that not all dates will work out for genuine reasons, remain true to yourself and be as tidy as you can, look wise.
Once you start complaining that all men/women are the same and you have a shit attitude, you’re just another wheel in the cog. You are what you attract.
Paradox of choice. Too much options out there due to online dating. So everyone thinks they can always find better.
Also the modern culture of priotizing yourself have led people to over priotize themselves and depriotize others (not like both options are mutually exclusive). This makes people extremely selfish and unwilling to compromise on even the smallest things.
People tend to no longer value human connections than before. Over individualism.
Also people don’t consider working on themselves to get better as an individual, but come with the take me as I am talk, as they believe they can always find the person that takes them as they are. So generally everyone brings less and less to the table with only the hopes that there is a table for everyone no matter how small it is that you bring. But that is hardly the truth.
It’s a mix of reasons that make people emotionally immature and with high standards.
Then you had social media that fuels narcissism and hookup culture that creates the choice paradox and raises expectations.
This is the end result:
people that want something but not enough to put effort for it, that chase instant and easy gratifications ignoring their dangerous long term effects, that see relationships like products that can be discarded.
Dating is hard because dating spaces are full of toxic people that spread toxicity to other helahty people that have been weakened by a poor upbringing and culture.
It’s a snowball disaster that is now entering the final stages.
I am scared to see what dating is going to be in 10 years.
I think the whole technology scene is really harming dating as a whole. We mostly communicate through text, sometimes through an app and it loses that face value. It’s harder how many barriers there are now, too. There are times when you are expected to follow each other on social media before you even proceed with the relationship
People aren’t working on their damage. Whether from dating, friendship, or childhood we are all covered in emotional scars. But rather than taking the time to learn or heal from these events people just dive right back into dating. Layering all that damage until it’s practically an archeological dig.
It also means that folks struggle with forming deep bonds or actually working through the differences in their relationship. Emotional work is tough and your next date is just a swipe away, maybe if you burn through enough people you’ll finally feel better.
And for the ones who are trying to date healthily I think there’s a raising of standards. Not the “must be 6ft” bullshit. But both men and women are less willing to settle for partners who haven’t done the emotional work, who don’t contribute to the relationship, and who ultimately end up toxic or codependent for their partners.
We are in an era where love does not conquer all. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’ll turn a blind eye to your bad behaviors. It is easier to be alone than to be with someone who keeps hurting you.
People have baggage and emotional difficulties that they haven’t worked through fully. We now have a vicious cycle of trauma dumping, projections and expectations on others
maybe becoz majority of ppl now are scared of obligations. they want dating as past time and short term commitment.
For me it feels like whoever I like treats me well but ends up not liking me back. Taking a break bc I’m currently not strong enough to go through that again. Feels like that is all I’ll ever go through :/
Edit: Just wanted to say nobody is obligated to like me back or owes me anything. It’s just finding the needle in the haystack becomes exhausting after a while when all you keep finding is hay, and there’s no guarantee there even is a needle in said haystack.
For dating, I believe a lot of people mentally checked out. People don’t get many chances anymore. We’re afraid we’ll be hurt or more so humiliated/exposed. And this goes hand in hand with general connections. As a society especially North American society, we tend to want to be busy. To always be doing more or having more. So we don’t make the time, because we’re always pressured into being this productive monster.
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Or maybe we just don’t believe we’re interesting or people that are worth it. Truth be told, everyone’s dealing with something. We’d rather not burden someone else with our problems. We’d like to be this amazing person for somebody, but half the time, we’re just fucked up and imperfect. We gotta live up to a standard of being emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically well. We might also expect too much from others.
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But also putting this out there, self improvement is good. Do that for YOURSELF. The advice a lot of guys give to other guys when it comes to dating is improving yourself. Do not make improving yourself about sexual or romantic validation. Do it for living a fulfilling life.
Its hard for anyone looking for a long term relationship and easier for anyone attractive looking to hook up. The problem is the lack of commitment in today’s dating world. Sadly, the majority of people are looking for quick fun and a new fuck buddy every week lol.
People have become super self involved nowadays. Most people tend to have the mindset “what’s in it for me” rather than thinking about what they can offer the other person which is sad because that’s what a relationship should be about. It should be about making each other happy.
People also have unrealistic expectations. High standards is good, but expecting people to be perfect in all aspects of life is just unrealistic
As others have said, the paradox of choice
The fear of an uncertain future
Money issues (about half of young adults also still live at home)
Many people have mental health issues from stuff like mentioned above
A lot of people lack the skill of communication.
A large reason is social media.
No one wants to trust anymore, that truth
Dating apps. It’s really that simple. Dating apps have destroyed the real life dynamic between men and women.
i think a lot has to do with social media tbh, more cheating, no dates, everyone is so full of themselves and people have to high of standards and always want “more” even when there being treated well,I do believe that if we didn’t have phones it would be better, people writting notes, phone calls, literally just showing up at someone’s house for a date
Nothing is like that anymore, yk a good morning text is nice but its not special, people need to be more out there and less afraid of what people think , and we need to start having more social interaction
I’ve actually read a well written book on this that made several assertions as to why it’s MUCH harder to date today than even just a generation ago (backed by different studies throughout).
1) Options. Everybody’s got options now. Or at least the belief that they do. Even if 3/4ths of the men or women who message you online on a dating app are not the best fit for you, (married, taken, served time, no job, isn’t financially independent, bots) without exploring those perspective “suitors”, the only message you get is “hey, they might want to date me” or “they think I’m attractive”. When in actuality both *might not be the case*. People swipe right and message others for all sorts of reasons, so online dating becomes a very easy route for inflated ego. Especially for women, since the ratio on dating apps is always tipped in their favor.
2) Dating in the pursuit of love and chemistry is a VERY new idea. Before, it was for money, political and formal relations, and focused on the act of joining two families. Now, everyone’s on their own. They don’t have the guidance of their family. They don’t have the extra incentive to look for a matchmaker or run background checks before taking the plunge. Dating is an almost secret activity comparatively to what it was in the past, where all your friends and family knew who you were potentially seeing. That means that the burden of responsibility is shifted almost completely to the individual, and not a whole community who wants a potential marriage to flourish.
Secondly, “chemistry” has been proven in long term studies to not be a great indicator for a long term match. Just because you can’t stop talking to or wanting to physically be around or have sex with a person, *doesn’t* mean you two are compatible long term. I have a lot of friends who date in this manner, always looking for that addictive spark and like most sparks do, they fade out quite quickly.
3. Dating and sex have blurred their lines now, at least more so than previously. Dating used to mean courting, which had values set in chivalry and chasity. I myself don’t have much need for either in my life, but I can totally see how some people (especially those who get easily attached), see sex = love or = dating. All of a sudden, people are thinking mixed messages are being sent or they’re being played when in reality, some people only want sex and some people only want a relationship. And unfortunately, lots of people lie about this. Above anything, I think this is the most important part to be made explicitly clear by both parties before moving forward at all.
In my personal experiences, mental illnesses. I have met way too many people as of late (last three years or so) who instead of needing a date, needed a therapist or a break from dating to work on themselves and their issues. Yes, depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders / illnesses were always here but with a ton of variables (social media, COVID, news, etc.), it seems very much exacerbated recently. Dating is much harder if you are battling yourself.
Society has made it expensive as heck to survive. Why would anyone spend money on dating when they can barely afford to live. At least that’s one take.
Lack of confidence from many men (including myself) some rejections can get really harsh, and it can also be trying to pick one that won’t hurt you in the many different ways they can do (baby trap, false accusations, etc)
A lot of people want relationship benefits but not relationship commitment or responsibilities.