I [17F] asked for space from my best friend [18F] of 11 years.
For some back story, ever since about a year and a half ago when I started dating my boyfriend, its been me and olivia (my best friend) against the world. We were and I guess are inseparable. But this summer her bf [18M] moved in with mine [18M]. Daniel (my bf) and Alex (her bf) were and are best friends as well, and I set her up with Alex after beginning to date Daniel.
The four of us got along really well until Alex moved in with my boyfriend. I didn’t love having to see the two of them all the time when I would come over and it was just a weird dynamic but I just dealt with it cause its not all about me lol.
Recently, however there’s been a lot of tension. I would tell olivia everything about what was going on with Daniel and she would tell me everything that happened with Alex. She started telling me a lot about him and frankly how horrible he is to her. I tried to give her advice but she refused to talk to him about his horrible behavior and would just take it. Anyway, we agreed not to tell either of our boyfriends what we would say about them, but we both did. Alex has no idea my bf and i know everything about his relationship because we are very careful to keep that to ourselves.
BUT Alex has been using the personal things that I tell to olivia about my relationship to hurt my boyfriend and I. He makes very mean and personal jokes and when I get upset he says bad things about me to olivia who tells me what he says. The jokes he makes are not funny, they seem to be made as a deliberate way to hurt us and see how far he can go.
This really stressed me out, a lot. It was affecting my relationship with my bf because it made it difficult to go to his house and see alex. It is also affecting my relationship with olivia, because I can’t trust her. Alex also lies about what he says and often says “they actually said something mean about you first” or things like that, when there’s proof.
I felt really bad around my best friend. So I told her that and that I needed space and just didn’t wanna hear the horrible things Alex was saying and didn’t want to have a filter with her anymore. I havent talked to her for 4 days now and it feels good. But I’m not sure how to proceed. I just need some advice and an outside perspective. Thank you!
TlDR: best friends boyfriend is mean about me and very mean to her. Its ruining my relationships and causing a lot of stress, is space a good solution?
1 comment
I think you both need to have a phone call or an in person conversation alone on where to go from here.
I had a childhood friend whom I was inseparable from. We eventually took different paths in life and haven’t spoken in almost a decade, and while we never had a conversation about it, I think we both knew that our paths in life were too different to stay in each other’s life.
You need to decide whether your paths are changing and whether or not to remain friends.