I \[29 y/o, M\] will try to make this brief. I am looking for solid advice and I realize it’s difficult to explain every nuance in my personality but here goes…
​
I’m not introverted. Talking to people, getting out of my comfort zone, etc. is not something I struggle with. What I do struggle with, however, is making a connection. I find that most people I try to get to know don’t really return the efforts I make such as reaching out and listening/maintaining conversations. Sometimes I think perhaps I may come off boring but then, with previous ex’s/friends, I can recall that I’m definitely funny and laid-back, it’s just that I’m not immature and “surface-leveled” so to speak. I don’t think most people are immature or lacking of depth, so why is it that I always run into this? I don’t want to resort to speaking or behaving in a manner solely for the purpose of being considered fun or silly. I can be those things just not always and in my own way. I hope this is making sense.
​
Lastly, is this universal or am I genuinely the problem because I frequently encounter people whom I consider as friends, but they simply stop to reach out to me and its solely me who needs to maintain that effort? I recently ended a long-term relationship and lost some friends, which is normal. I just don’t understand how the ones I didn’t lose—from other corners of my life—simply don’t show the same effort. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also for those around my age, what are some ways to make friends?
1 comment
We are living in an increasingly antisocial age, mainly due to screens taking over our lives (television, internet, phones), but also car commute communities and overwork. Most peoples’ social lives are shrinking. Someone who wants to reverse this effect has to work doubly hard to counteract their own shrinking social skills, to counteract the other people’s shrinking social skills, and to counteract the antisocial societal influence.