Just found this sub and you guys give really good advice. I’m way too close to my situation so the answer is probably obvious, but I cant see it for some reason.
I was deeply socially awkward in high school and uni, but once I hit about 19 it started clearing up. On its own? I was actually going somewhere before the pandemic. I was going to be a teacher and live abroad with all my pals and it was going to be awesome. Decided to come back to my country for a couple of months to finish my degree in January 2020 and…I haven’t left since.
Part of the current situation is that I had a really, really bad year last year with depression & all my friend groups falling out, a couple of encounters with some crazy people that really scared me, and also went through some pretty intense stuff this year (a surgery, which I’m now healed from). I also live in a rural area where very little happens, and everyone around here is a parent or a child. I go to work, go to the gym, which is already something, and go home. I have a few friends but they all live in the city.
I probably need to move jobs anyway, I’ve been at this one for almost 2 years now, but the problem is my confidence is just completely gone. I can talk to customers over the phone but thats it. If someone I don’t know approaches me I feel physically sick and sweaty. It takes everything I have to go to social events – eg a party where I already know people – but I cannot do anything on my own, I’m too scared. Dating forget it. It’s literally like being 14 all over again. I dont recognise myself at all & I have no idea what happened to me. I feel so embarrassed of being this fuckt up over stuff that happened months or even a couple of years ago. Logically I know I just had bad luck and met a couple of really weird individuals, but it doesn’t feel like that at all.
Does anyone have any real small, practical ways I can gradually get myself back out there and learn that most people aren’t scary, disturbed, or messed up?