I feel like current dating culture is a gamble, like you meet a woman and in like a month or less you sleep together. Good luck though finding out the other person is abusive 6 months later and she lives with you for example, have fun with that. Wouldn’t it be better to really get to know a woman first without really being emotionally and physically involved? This is of course if you’re looking for something serious and not just sleeping around for fun
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time.
people don’t have much.
it’s not stigmatised but if you genuinely take 6 months to “get to know” a person you are taking too long.
if you aren’t able to read a person’s mannerisms and have a general life history in under a month, you haven’t been paying attention or they are hiding it on purpose.
I’ve already got more friends than I have time for tbh
I’m no expert by any means but I think the important part of the equation is intention. If you give her the idea that you just want to be friends you pretty much ruin your chances of sexual chemistry. Unless you’re a 10/10 who can escape the friend zone it’s best to make sure your intentions are shown
When I bothered dating, I was generally good at reading a person’s personality, enough to get a general feel of the person, and I was quick to like the person after a few words were exchanged.
The thing about being friends before being a couple is that it takes too long, and I was not looking for friendship, which was why I wasn’t looking for male friends either. I already had as many friends as I could possibly handle, so risking befriending a girl only to end up staying friends instead of becoming a couple just wasn’t ideal for me.
Don’t mistake that as me saying men can’t be friends with women, though. One of my friends is a woman, and she is very likely the reason I am alive still, as she sent me a text after she got a feeling that I was up to no good just when I was climbing over the bridge railing to prepare to jump. We have been best of friends ever since we first met in 2008, even after I had confessed to her weeks after meeting her and getting rejected.
It just comes down to the fact that I wasn’t looking for friends, I was looking for a girlfriend because that is what was – and still is – missing in my life. But if I ever did want more friends, nothing would stop me from being open to befriending women and becoming friends with them even on a strictly platonic level.
As for the gambling part, if things didn’t work out well, I could always just break up with the woman and move on. It’s not like being friends with them for years would guarantee a better outcome than simply dating for a few days/weeks or months, either, because being friends is quite different than being a couple living together and constantly seeing each other day in and day out aside from work or school hours.
The question is, are you going into the friendship genuinely wanting to be her friend and then catching feelings, or are you just using the friendship from day one as a way to try to segue into a relationship?
I’ve read far too many posts and comments from women who have experienced guys doing the latter, and then getting angry when she isn’t interested, like she somehow misled them or strung them along or something.
While you’re getting to know her and being friends, some other guy is sleeping with her after your friendly coffee chats.
You want to marry her after that?
It’s not. What is stigmatized is befriending a women with the intent of dating her further down the line.
No.1 Not everyone has the time to invest in do it
No.2 Most women put you in the friendzone if you don’t make your intentions clear
*Shrug*
That’s how I met every girlfriend I had but one, including my wife.
You will never really KNOW a chick until you have sex with her. Don’t let that go over your head.
The problem is that there is no guarantee she’ll like you back after you’ve invested all that time and then you fall into the “nice guy friendzone” territory.
Knowing someone as a friend is different from knowing them in an intimate/romantic context. Plenty of people can be good friends and shitty partners, there’s a limit to what you’re going to learn here.
Beyond this, it’s a matter of inefficiency and arguable dishonesty. You’re spending a large amount of time “getting to know” someone who may not even have any romantic interest in you, or may even find a new partner while you’re doing that. And they may not be thrilled to find out their new platonic friend turned out to have hidden feelings for them – even if they would have dated you initially.
If you have a friend and you develop feelings later – consider it and decide if you want to take that chance, fair enough.
But if you’re meeting someone you think you’re interested in….being upfront about your intentions seems far more sensible.
> Good luck though finding out the other person is abusive 6 months later and she lives with you for example
Don’t move in with someone you’ve been dating for <6 months? That’s usually not a brilliant move.
It’s not. And everything else you posted is bullshit.
From what I’m gathering in this thread, and what I’ve been told from people IRL, the game goes as follows:
Kiss on first date
Sex by third or fifth date?
If you don’t make those milestones then it’s not fast enough, and modern dating seems to be like this. No time to waste getting to know someone.
For the record I’ve never reached either of those, but I’ve learned I’m not the alpha male who knows and gets what he wants so I’ll always get seconds…. Or none
>Wouldn’t it be better to really get to know a woman first without really being emotionally and physically involved?
You don’t have to be *friends* with her at all to accomplish that.
Ideally you’d want to date someone you know, from work or a social circle or something. These are are the most stable relationships according to my YouTube Wikipedia research. However in the current climate this doesn’t happen as often. The problem with meeting a woman you are sexually and romantically interested in and building a friendship first is that this is nearly a guaranteed way to be trapped in the “friend-zone.”
She has physical needs or desires and likely isn’t going to wait for things to clarify so that you know things are going to work or not. She’ll look to fulfill her needs in the mean time and probably fall for or sleep with other men. All the while you’re giving her the romantic type of attention. You’re doing boyfriend things for her while she isn’t required to do the girlfriend thing you’re refraining from. At that point why does she need to commit to or sleep with you? She’s got the emotional validation she needs from you without having to give you the physical. (She’ll have lost sexual desire for you months ago too btw.) People need emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. She’s getting the emotional from you but has carte blanche to get the physical somewhere else. Variety being the spice of life, what motivation does she have to stop getting a variety of physical intimacy?
Ideally she’d wait, she’d build something real with you, but because you all are “just friends” she has no obligation to.
Don’t move in after 6 months?
Womxn are users, bad friends
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> This is of course if you’re looking for something serious and not just sleeping around for fun
I can do both
Contrary to anti male propaganda, the issue lies with how we’re treated by majority of women in society
Is it?
That’s probably just an American thing, because being friends first is pretty normal here and just asking out randoms you’ve never met before is considered creepy.
Americans seem to draw an arbitrary line between friends and lovers where none naturally exists. They also seem to regard a romantic partner as a thing they want to have, like a car or a gun, rather than a person for whom they have developed feelings.
Outside of the Muslim world, they probably have just about the least healthy approach to love and sex that there is.
What are you even talking about? Dating is to find out if you are compatible with each other. So either figure it out or don’t.
This depends entirely. There’s a huge difference between looking for friends (and maybe turning it to dating) to being genuine friends for a long time and deciding to move into a romantic relationship.
I did the second after 6 years of friendship and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been.
My partner is literally my best friend.
I have other friends that fill friendship needs.
But nothing compares to this. The move was respectful, deliberate, and we got straight to the relationship without the awkward getting to know you phase. It’s amazing
Trying to date women after you’re already friends makes them feel like victims unless they like you. Statically they won’t like you, so not worth trying that way.
I didn’t know it was. All my gfs have been my friends first. Forget that idea, communication and everything about the relationship works better if you have that before you get physical.
So in general this gets posted a bunch about why can’t men and women just be friends.
The typical answers usually point to women looking for companions that could evolve into a sexual relationship. But they want the companionship first, and the sex second.
And the dudes are looking for a sexual relationship that has the potential to turn into a friendship. It’s doesn’t always have to, but the potential is there.
It’s a catch 22, but there you go.
The problem with being friends first is that a woman could get used to thinking of you as a friend, not as someone to date. Some women can’t snap out of that mindset.
Because you’ll get used for 7 years like me if you do
There are things you find out in a relationship that you’ll never know as friends. Relationships don’t often spawn out of friendships, rather they spawn out of a lust for one another.
“A friend she sees, a friend ye be.”
I have learned that women have this thing where, if you approach her as a friend first, she’ll accept you as a friend. But she has a few relationship boxes in her social construct, and the only overlap between ‘lover’ and ‘friend’ is if you are ‘lover’ first. You can go from lover to friend, because why wouldn’t you be friends with the person you’re fucking? But in their brains, ‘friend’ seems more sacred than ‘lover’ because there’s somehow more invested. So when a friend wants to become a lover, there’s this weird switch that flips in her brain that goes, “Oh, he was just faking it this whole time, trying to friendship his way into my pants, instead of just saying he has a crush.”
I don’t know that it is stigmatized.
As far as moving in together in 6 months, that is always a mistake.
Because being friends with a woman doesnt translate into dating very well. Women who say they date their best friend normally mean their partner is their best friend as well… not that they selected their male best friend
Stigmatized? Its only the plot of about 10 trillion romance novels and romantic comedy movies and soap operas. Clearly women have spent enormous amounts of money and time to see that kind of thing and daydream about it.
Maybe stigmatized in that its a little “consumer culture” over marketed.
Blame women and their friendzone bs.