I’ve met a wonderful person and I’m enjoying our time together! That said we’re still pretty early in our relationship. A large impending problem is that I need to move back home in a year or so to coordinate care for my parents. When I floated the idea of moving together back to my hometown, he said he is okay to live there for two years, but no longer.
I’m sad that we might have to end things. Is it okay to date someone until the very last minute? Or should we be realistic and cut it off early and go back to the dating pool.
What’s your experience with incompatible futures? Thanks in advance for your advice.
16 comments
I miss being young and just enjoying time with someone while it lasted with no timelines or shrinking dating pools 🙁
Do you think it’s going to take longer than 2 years to coordinate a plan for your parents?
Just ended a relationship because he needs to move back with his mom (different state) for financial reasons. :/ it’s hard to ask someone to pick their life up, especially early on.
My experience with this was that I was ok just having fun and dating for as long as we could. The men I was dating (this has happened more than once), really wanted to guess about how I’d feel in a month when I had to leave. They ended up assuming I wanted more commitment than I did and started pulling away. That made me walk away because I’ve already been in the shitty relationship where the guy doesn’t act like he gives a shit about you. Suddenly, he’s backtracking and wants to be together again, at least until I am leaving. Roller coaster.
Depends what your goals are. If you aren’t looking to get married in the short term and can wait a few years, nothing wrong with continuing! If you’re looking for something sooner, looking to have a child etc, these could be reasons it makes sense to move on. Decide what you’re looking for and go after that, good luck!
By “cut it off early and go back to the dating pool” do you mean find someone else that is willing to move with you? I’m not understanding your end game here.
is your date sexual or just being together st different events?
Depends on how much you want to hurt your own feelings, I guess. But, that’s kind of the deal with dating – none of us have a crystal ball. You make the best decision you can with the information you have at that time. Only you know what’s ultimately right for you. I’d prefer not to enter into a relationship if I know someone is that rigid about the future without any give, but that’s me. I’m not dating this person.
I don’t know what “early” means in this situation but moving together is a big thing and it is about your parents, and while I understand your motivation and wants, it is sort of a ‘you’ thing, not a ‘we’ thing.
Dating until the last minute has some very highschool and college vibes that sometimes result in immature decision making. I don’t really see the point unless you both agree to let the relationship decompress and I guess be FWB up until the last minute.
Also, are you taking care of your parents forever or just finding a place for them? How did you outline this conversation or has there really not even been one?
And in the scope of incompatible futures, it is usually some of the early chit chat banter that happens on OLD or the first few dates.
Do not break up early. Enjoy your time until you have to part ways. It will make that last day painful but it will be good memories and experiences.
The last time I was in a similar experience me and the girl dated until she had to go back home. It was wonderful during the time as we maximized every day. I even drove her to the airport and cried like a baby when she left. Still good memories and I’ll always think fondly of her and our time.
They may love the area after a year
Stay with each other til the end, however don’t be surprised if one of you or both of you find somebody else….
If you both want to keep dating until the last second, then do that. I’m going to be brutally honest with you: moving back in to be a caregiver in your 30s is going to be *rough* on relationship. It’s asking someone to sacrifice a lot of their own life for your family. Be honest with new people about what that means. I broke up with my most serious partner ever because he couldn’t be honest, couldn’t give a timeline for moving in together, couldn’t even admit he’s probably be at his parents for a long time or why. Long term caretaking is a difficult to path even with a long term partner.
Hi. My bf and I are in the same exact situation. I’m waiting in clearance for a job across the country (3 months and counting), and he applied to 2 jobs out of state also. We’re staying together till one (or possibly both) of us have to leave the city we met in.
Is the breakup gonna be so much harder because of all the time we spent together? Yes, definitely. But I definitely don’t regret our decision to stay together.
I’m chalking it up to a learning experience since he is my first relationship..
>Is it okay to date someone until the very last minute? Or should we be realistic and cut it off early and go back to the dating pool.
That’s a question you should be discussing with him. Whatever general advice we can give you here will be less useful than the wants and desires of the actual people involved.
If he’s willing to move for two years, that seems reasonable. Why not do that, and reevaluate down the road? You never know where life may take you two