For the first time in our 4-year relationship, I drunk called my boyfriend whilst out with my girlfriend and two guy friends. Normally I don’t drink so much, but because I started taking antidepressants, that lowered my tolerance by A LOT, so it didn’t take me much to get drunk (I only realised the next day when I sobered up). So it was 3am when I called him (he had work the next day), and I said mushy stuff like “can I come over” and “I want to see you right now”, but I vaguely remember him scolding me for disrupting his sleep and he told me to get on a cab home.
He knew who I was hanging out with and where I was, but even in my drunken frenzy, I was quite taken aback when he hung up on me and didn’t pick up my subsequent calls or texted his concern for me. I didn’t hear from him until the next morning, when he went to work. I understand that my actions were uncalled for, and that I was disturbing him because he had work the next day, but if the situation was reversed, I would have been really worried for him. I wouldn’t have hung up and I would even call his friends to make sure he got home okay. But he did none of those things. And this was a one time occurrence in the 4 years we’ve been together.
So it got me thinking as to whether or not he really cared for me. What are your thoughts if your significant other did the same thing? It made me feel like It wasn’t safe for me to show him my vulnerable side.
TL;DR: I drunk called my long-term boyfriend for the first time ever and he hung up on me and scolded me instead of making sure I got home okay?
UPDATE: Thank you for all of your input guys. I realised that I have crossed a line. And I DO realise that I need help, which is why I’m on antidepressants for anxiety and panic disorder. Therapy sessions are coming up too – not that anyone asked. Anyway, just want to put it out there that i didn’t destroy world peace (judging by some of your comments, y’all making me sound like I’m an animal-abusing dictator rather than someone who disturbed a man’s sleep one night). My boyfriend and I are good, and I simply posted this because I just wanted to hear redditor’s thoughts. All of you have been heard. Have a good week!
20 comments
Calls from drunk people are so annoying. He knew you were with friends and had no reason to think you were in danger. Sounds like a pretty typical drink call. I might have hung up too
Yes I would of hung up on you too. Can’t be dealing with drunk callers when I have work the next day.
This is not a movie. You should have let the man sleep! It’s not always cute to be messy and it didn’t seem like he had anything to worry about OP.
He is not you. Just because you think you’d act one way in this situation doesn’t mean he has to. I highly doubt that you would have done anything differently.
You were with your friend. He knew where you were and who you were with. You were not in trouble or alone or lost. You are an adult. He doesn’t have to worry about you.
If you cared for him, you wouldn’t have bothered him with nonsense, when you knew he had to sleep and go to work that morning.
Idk what you expected honestly 🤷🏻♀️This is extremely annoying behavior. Not trying to shame you—a lot of people do it at some point in their lives—but I’m confused why you think he owes you anything.
He knew you were with people that would take care of you. The only lack of care here is on your end.
You should be apologizing. Not the other way around.
OP, you’re an adult who made the adult choice to get hammered while out with friends. He does not have to go on full alert at 3am and track you down and shepherd you safely home just because you decided it would be fun to drag him into your sloppy night. Your behavior was annoying and he was annoyed and now you’re sober again and should probably think less about how he treated you, and more about how you treated him.
I don’t like how everyone’s on your head for this. It was a one time occurrence. If he had the energy to scold you, he could’ve used it to lovingly let you know he’s simply tired but wants you to get home safely.
Everyone’s being really shitty to you about this. You’ve stressed that it was the FIRST time. Just make it your last and save yourself the trouble, because no one took this well.
I think you should be in therapy, not a relationship. If you think he doesn’t care about you because he didn’t want to be woken up out of his sleep when he had to work by his drunk girlfriend, then I think you need to speak with a professional.
I don’t get it, you were super drunk, sloppy enough to make these type of phone calls, but you remember all the details? I’m guessing you were just a bit tipsy, he knew that, he knew you were with friends, and he was half out of it himself at 3am. I don’t really think you’re being reasonable here. But if you really think this proves he doesn’t care about you then just move on 🤷🏻♀️
I suggest you let him drunk call you in the early hours of the morning on a work day and see how you really feel about it.
I would have not even answered the call if I had to work in the morning. I take my sleep very seriously, if I knew my partner was out with friends, and a full grown adult who is beyond the legal age of drinking- my sleeping brain wouldn’t have even processed my phone vibrating other than for me to make it stop doing that so I can keep sleeping. As someone else said, drunk calls/people are annoying to sober people. It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend did anything wrong. Reddit loveees to tell people to break up immediately, in this case, absolutely not
11pm is one thing, 3am is a bit late for a booty call.
I agree that you have nothing to worry about here, but I totally understand where you are coming from and why you perceived it that way. This sounds 100% like something I would have done at 25. you’re fine, just apologize for disturbing him and try to reframe in your mind: he was likely half asleep at the time and knew you were with friends, I’m positive he cares about you and would have been worries if there was a reason to be!
He did nothing wrong. You disturbed his sleep and he told you to take a cab to get back safely. Your safety wasn’t in danger and he did what anyone does when they have work in the morning – they sleep.
This is basically how I would act. Ultimately, if a person messes with my sleep, they could be my best friend and I would have to tell them to fuck off. Some people really never end up getting it, but *sleep is super important for a lot of us*!!
at first i was going to agree but after reading the comments, i have to side with your boyfriend. you are an adult. imagine being deep in sleep and having to work up early the next day to work and your SO calls just to be drunk and “cute”. It’s annoying, I think you should apologize
He did nothing wrong and you are a mo***. No one in this thread has validated you because you are plain childish. GET. SOME. HELP.
are you worried every time someone you love gets drunk with friends? and for what reason? genuine question. I’m not sure what there was for him to be concerned about, you weren’t saying anything indicating you were in danger or alone. he knew you were with friends. you should’ve just stopped when he hung up on you.
Ever since I dumped my ex I decided that anyone who gets drunk without me and expects me to take care of them in any way whatsoever without my offering is a deal breaker. His reaction was completely appropriate.
>It made me feel like It wasn’t safe for me to show him my vulnerable side.
Drunk is not vulnerable.
Your self esteem is.
He’s an adult who wanted to sleep and be productive at work and you interrupted his good life choice with one of your bad ones. It being out of the ordinary is not a pass either, in fact it probably was as much of a shock hence his very expected reaction. Brought from a dead sleep to coddle your drunk ass on the phone? Hell out of here.