TLDR; partner says she is uncomfortable with me being a parental figure to her kids.
I recently visited my (29M) LDR partner (31F) and met her two young boys (under7.) We have been together 6 months and visited each other twice. I have interacted with the boys via facetime for a couple months now and they seem to love me. I noticed her mood shift when I was near the boys even though she says I didn’t do anything wrong. I tried to ask for more detail and she just said “I just wasn’t comfortable with someone else in a parental role.” I don’t have kids of my own so I was gentle, sweet, and just followed her lead. Didnt try to discipline them or anything like that. I’m not sure what I did wrong. Is this something that parents deal with when a new partner meets their kids? Is there any way to save the relationship? I absolutely want her to put her kids first but if I can, I will do anything to save this relationship.
2 comments
I dont see how long term will work out if you can’t parent her kids. 6 months in, yea it’s way too soon – probably keep some distance for now.
But if you two intend to live together or have other kids tougher….Then it will be almost required to become a parent to her boys.
But have a conversation with her. See if it’s a short term thing or if this is how she wants it forever.
She needs to tell you exactly what you did that made her upset, and “being a parental figure” doesn’t cut the mustard.
If she can’t tell you, then there is no chance that this is going to work long term.
If she can tell you, then you can discuss and either try not to do that again, or try to work through it.
From what you have said, you did what I would think of as the right thing. You were nice to them, and followed her lead.
What else were you supposed to do? Ignore them and then have her upset with you for that?