Hi everyone. You gave me some great advice a couple of months when I posted about my ex wife hitting me I thought I’d ask again.
I’m 38 years old and recently had some medical issues although I felt fine 90% of the time. Ended up passing out one day, tests done and I’m dying. Said I’ll be lucky to see two years.
I’ve always taken good care of myself, eating well, regular gym goer, ex boxer, ex fireman. I still feel great physically, my gym took photos of me just two nights ago to post on their socials. I haven’t told anyone there though and I don’t plan to. I’ll just stop going one day.
I feel bitter as I’ve wasted the last 15 years with someone who doesn’t appreciate me. Having left the relationship Ive looked back and seen loads of flags I missed. Sexless for the last two years and even in the years before that it would be me going on top every time until she was finished and then have to go sort myself out. Every time I had an invite to an event like a wedding or birthday or just went out with friends she would fall out with me before I went and then constantly text me trying to carry on arguing. She would never show to any of my family events but would insist I went to all of hers and would tell people I would drive them to and from said event. She told all her family and friends I’d do work on their cars and houses for free. The list is endless.
I’m bitter that I’ve only slept with three people and now I probably won’t again. I wasted all that time with her when I could have been out having fun. I’ve always wanted to explore my sexual fantasies like I’ve always had a hotwife fetish but that will never happen.
I own a property maintenance company. I have 7 workers and they are all good lads including two apprentices who I really wanted to see blossom into the great adults they will be. None of them know yet that I’m ill but I’ve set it up so when I die they all get an equal part of my company and they can either keep it going or sell it. I’ve got contracts that can go on for years and last year made a profit of £750k which I will leave in the pot for them all when they inherit.
I’m bitter over the next few months my body is going to stop being able to do the things to do the things I can now. I can fix pretty much anything on a car, any DIY and I love baking and walking in the woods. Soon I can’t do any of it.
Most of all I’m bitter towards the people who told me not to leave my ex and played down her hitting me and my feelings on it. I know it’s misplaced anger at this point and it will probably make my life easier to forgive and forget but I can’t help focussing on all the bullshit they told me about how it wasn’t a big deal and mocking me for being upset by it.
I’ll be honest I have about £300k I can lay my hands on and a part of me says I should blast it all on drink drugs and sex and go out with a bang and maybe then I won’t so bitter.
I’m speaking to two different therapists at the minute. Neither seem to help.
How do I stop feeling bitter, guilty and like shit?
Tldr: been told I’ve got about two years to live and feeling bitter about it.
5 comments
I would typically never suggest this on this sub but you’re terminal and psychedelic therapy is known to help terminal people. Have you ever tried it? You might bring it up with your therapist. You need a quick path to peace. Bitterness is not how you want to spend your last years– it’s blinding you to the rich, full, beautiful life you’ve had. Which would you rather focus on?
I’m so sorry mate. Life is not fair at all. I understand that you’re angry and bitter, it’s natural. But it is a choice to hang on to this. Your wife made you miserable for 15 years, don’t let your wife keep making you miserable for another two years. Why are letting your wife occupy your mind like she matters anymore? She doesn’t. She was a mistake you made and you need to forgive yourself for that.
You should stop working and enjoy life. Drinking and drugs are fun but usually requires recovery the day after. Feels like a waste to throw away a precious days in hangovers and feeling like shite.
Sounds like a great time to get super high for 2 years straight
I am 12 years post diagnosis for a disease with a 3 year mortality. You are in an emotional state and I am praying for you. I can only tell you what has helped me. Once you get your head around it tell your support group. This to me was the hardest part. Then you live your best life. Eat well, exercise and fill your life with the most positive of messages. I am Christian and used my faith to guide me. But this is all about you. I realized my life will probably be shorter than I would have thought, but I am filling it with such memories. I have gone to Greece, Ireland, Italy and France. I have trimmed my friends down to ensure quality time with the people I love. I think about regrets, but not a thing we can do about them.
Live your best life. Find your love, enjoy hot sex, swim with the dolphins. Count your blessings and treasures. My retirement is being decimated bc I probably won’t get there- but my relationships are golden.
We have this gift of knowing something others have no idea about. I went to one of the specialists, who clearly thought I was confused about the outcome (I do, I am in healthcare). I explained to him that I was LIVING with the diagnosis. Currently I am having trouble walking, so I got an e bike with a basket for my dog!
All the love and peace I can offer my friend!
Spend your time and money on doing what you like, your DIY, working on your car, baking, spending time in the woods.
Yes it might be only a few months of it, but that is better than a few months of booze and drugs.
As for the sex, plenty of apps out there, set yourself up with some or all of them, and start going out with anyone who you match with, sure some of them you might not hit it off with, but there will be others, and you can enjoy yourself, and have a good time with someone for a night or two or more.