All my life I’ve had issues with past girlfriends and women I’ve dated over my friendships with some of my exes. Even if I tell them upfront about the exes, it’s always an issue that leads into jealously and insecurity. When I met my current girlfriend (Kay) of one year, I told her I talk to a few of my exes here and there because we didn’t end on bad terms. The exes contact me, I don’t go out of my way to talk to them and we just catch up on life. Kay initially thought it was weird because she doesn’t talk to any of her exes, but said it wouldn’t bother her as long as it’s actually platonic and not an everyday thing.
Throughout our relationship, Kay has associated negativity with some of my female friendships, so I decided to never disclose who my exes were to make life easier. For example, Kay noticed a lot of engagement from a mod on my youtube streams and asked me if that was one of my exes (she is). I told her no because I felt déjà vu from my past and wanted to avoid drama with her. Later on during one of my streams, my ex wrote me a nice birthday message in chat and ended it with “I love you dear.” My ex has always been a friendly person to anyone and says things like that to her friends, so I thought nothing of it. Kay then mentions after the stream how the I love you comment was crossing boundaries and made her uncomfortable. Then she asked me again if that was my ex. I told her no and reassured her it was just her personality.
Kay and I tell each other about big events coming up and I told her I was going on a family trip a few hours away on Saturday and coming back Sunday. Friday before the trip, I went to get my hair cut, checked out vendors at a local con, and then left for work. I never told Kay I went to the con because I didn’t think it was a big deal and I wasn’t there that long. At this con, I ran into two exes and snapped a pic with one of them (her idea). Kay doesn’t have social media, but her sister follows me on Instagram.
About a week later, Kay asks to meet up with me so we can chat. She was upset and told me I needed to be honest with her because she’s seen stuff and wants the truth. She basically had social media receipts proving I dated several exes/flings that I denied dating or talked to, showed me liking thirst traps of exes and commenting flirty emojis (when I was single), showed the picture I took with my ex at the con, called out how weird it was that I never told her about going to the con, and questions if I was there the whole weekend hanging out with exes/trying to appear single instead of going on the family trip. We talked it out and I came clean about everything and apologized because from her perspective I can see how it all looks really bad. I assured her I won’t omit/lie to her again and that it was all a dumb mistake, and that I did in fact go on the trip but my family didn’t take photos so I have no proof. She then asked to see my phone. I have nothing to hide, but I personally feel if we look at each other’s phones it will not help her regain trust in me but give her temporary closure. She thinks it will give her proof that I’m not doing anything shady if everything I told her what was the truth. Should I give her my phone?
TL;DR: Girlfriend caught me lying about my exes to avoid drama. Now she thinks I lied about a family trip to hangout with my exes and wants to see my phone for proof I’m not shady.
4 comments
You really dug your own hole here didn’t you? Maybe you have problems with girlfriends trusting you because you lie constantly. If you want people to trust you, you need to be trustworthy.
You’re acting shady and then complaining that your girlfriend thinks you are shady.
I’m dating someone. We are both adults. Pretty much anyone over 18 that you date is going to have exes. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.
My girlfriend can hang out with anyone she wants and I can hang out with anyone I want. There are lines we don’t cross and we don’t cross them or even approach them. It works well because we trust each other and again, we act as adults. When we tell the truth we don’t get ensnared in a bunch of lies. It really makes for a great relationship.
On the flip side, once you lose trust with each other, it’s extremely hard to get back.
In prior relationships I became friends with some of my partner’s exes. Yes, they had sex with each other but they just weren’t compatible enough to date and that was fine. They still remained friends but the sex part was over.
They act this way because you act untrustworthy. I’m surprised they even stick around. This is problem of your own making
So you are a liar and are confused why your gf doesn’t trust you? Lol is this a joke? Tbh I’m not sure *I* even believe you. Your family went on a family vacation and took 0 pictures, huh? Hopefully your gf can move on from you soon.