A little background on me, I come from a small town where the same people you went to elementary school with are the same people you went to high school with (in middle school, the smaller schools from the neighboring towns would send their students over, so we met more people).
I was friends with everyone in elementary, middle, and high school; I was popular. No one ever said anything negative about me and everyone accepted me. Everyone except this one guy.
We were friends in elementary school; I even remember that I was invited to his birthday party in fourth grade. When we got older, I remember that’s when he turned against me. Let’s say my name’s “Alex.” He would call me “Gaylex.” However, I only remember him doing this maybe two times when we were younger (in elementary school). If I’m trying to recall these memories correctly, he would say this to me and I would smile in response. I wasn’t affected by him at all, and honestly, I was ten years old and I didn’t know what “gay” even meant. Thankfully I’ve always had strong friendships and a strong family unit who loved/love me and who have always supported me.
I don’t have any specific memories of him in neither middle nor in high school. I was aware of his existence, but I naturally separated from a lot of my friends from elementary school in middle and high school. Not for any particular reason, but because it’s natural and normal. Honestly, I took, let’s say, different classes in high school and middle school than him, so I was very separated from him.
I will say that I always liked his grandmother and she reminded me of mine a lot. I would always wave to her on the bus ride back home.
I’m like so… above all of this. I don’t even live in the country anymore, let alone the state. I live in an amazing city outside of the country, and to keep it short, I’ve lived in several countries, traveled the world, finished college abroad, etc. Whenever people talk about me in my small town, they’re always like, “Did you hear, /u/OkAstronomy321 lives in Paris now!” “No, I heard they live on an island in the Caribbean!” Things like that, haha.
But yeah, he messaged me saying something similar to:
> Hey dude, hope you’ve been good. I saw you on my feed the other day. It has been many years, haha. I wanted to reach out and say what’s up. Also, I know I was kind of a dick in high school but I remember being close before and wanted to apologize. I know it probably doesn’t mean much now but I see a ton of my old, old friends on social media and I’m glad to see them all doing well. Anyways, hope life’s good man and I’m sorry for being a dick. 🤙🏼
How do I respond to him? I feel as if I should acknowledge that I remember him teasing me a little, but we were young and there are no hard feelings. I’m not sure how to word this.
I also want to tell him that I hope both he and his grandmother are doing well.
Thanks!
EDIT: Oh yeah, I am gay, but like, I come from one of the most progressive states and like everyone’s gay, haha. I don’t know anyone who’s openly homophobic there. My family and friends know that I’m gay.
5 comments
I think you are on to it. Just tell him your thoughts. Be upfront and friendly. If you no longer are offended by his behavior (seems it didn’t bother you much by this post) then help him out by accepting his olive branch, it is possible it is weighing on his mind as he expands his understanding. You showing peace and acceptance of his apology may be helpful in his further growth. Also you may reconnect with someone from your past, a win win potentially. Passing some positive vibes his way may do some real good in both directions. The world definitely needs more positivity right now.
Respond however you feel like responding. It’s up to you if you do or don’t, he didn’t ask questions do no need to do anything other than leave it at seen.
Seems as though you’re pretty chill. The stuff you said already makes sense to say:
Hey, I remember that you teased me when we were younger. No hard feelings.
I have fond memories of your grandma. I hope you’re both doing well.
Close with an invitation to either talk more or shut it down and don’t invite further chat, that’s up to you.
(Yes my suggestion could be worded slightly more nuanced, but if he doesn’t mean than much to you then the energy you give him doesn’t need to be so high)
info: does his apology mean anything to you? like do you appreciate it at all? just trying to figure out exactly what to include
>we were young and there are no hard feelings. I’m not sure how to word this.
>I also want to tell him that I hope both he and his grandmother are doing well.
That’s a pretty good way to put it all things considered.
Here’s the thing, there is no concensus on how to deal with childhood bullies because the severity, length and impact of it varies from person to person. I will carry the physical scars of my bullies on me forever because it went well beyond teasing and as a result I would cheerfully and unapologetically tell my bullies to go die in a ditch if they reached out to me.
I’m your specific case, you mention being over the issue and it never having bothered you all that much, so maybe you have room for a kinder response since it obviously bothered the other guy enough to have reached out to you with an apology. He’s obviously looking to lay something to rest, you can help him with that if you’re in a mood to forgive, forget and move on.
It goes against my grain given my own experiences but if you’re really not bothered, then maybe just respond that no harm was done, that you understand kids are dicks sometimes and that you hope he’s doing well.
Your choice, if you thing its worth… but if life continues and nothing for you and for him changes, leave him with his apology. rock on his side. For personal reasons he was shit to you, for personal reasons he is apologizing without you asking for it. Just saying not every apology needed in life.