Hi, I’m F19. A couple weeks ago, I started talking to this guy through parties with mutual friends. We’ve been on several dates, but I’ve found them increasingly uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy physical contact with him. It’s difficult to make out with him/ interact with him when were both sober. He’s told our mutual friends he’s in love with me. He’s really sweet and kind, and I don’t want to hurt him. What’s the least painful way to reject him and cut off contact?
19 comments
“I’m interested in someone else.”
“Its not you, it’s me.”
The least painful way long term may be painful short term. You need to be firm and absolutely clear. Nothing wishy washy, nothing that could leave him thinking he can convince you otherwise or that something may happen in the long term.
Keep it short, to the point and clear. “I’m sorry but I don’t feel a romantic connection and I don’t want to pursue this any further. It’s no comment on you, I just don’t feel there’s any future in a relationship between us”.
It’ll hurt him, but it’ll hurt him less than letting him think he’s still got a shot when he doesn’t.
Just show him a boob when you tell him, I know if you were telling me something of negative value I’d be much happier if I was looking at your boob…. Lol
Also, try not to smile as much, maybe start wearing long sleeve shirts, and really low cut dresses whenever you hang out with him make sure the colors are neutral
You can’t worry about him too much. You have to worry about you. Just tell him and close the door. If you put too much effort into not hurting him or being soft on him, he is going to interpret as the door still being open if he does the right things. Slam that fucking door and don’t feel too bad about it.
There is no painless way to break up with someone.
The best way is to be clear and to the point–don’t pull your punches, don’t hedge, don’t get into a game of “what if” or “if only” or “I kinda” or the like. Just be point blank and tell him **exactly** what you wrote here: that you are not comfortable and you don’t enjoy physical contact with him, and that you’d like to end it.
He **will** be hurt. That is inevitable.
But you will be doing him a favor by allowing him to move on.
And honestly, what is the alternative? Dragging it on for months? For years? Eventually marrying the guy and having kids with him and then telling him, in your 40’s, that you never loved him and want a divorce?
Just be straight and honest with him. Trying to soften the blow often hurts the people involved in the long run.
You just gotta be pretty clear, distances yourself a little at first, like don’t see him, keep texts light.
Then just tell him, “sorry this isn’t working for me anymore, I just don’t feel the chemistry”
Hold your ground, don’t keep him on a lead and messing him around. You gotta distance yourself
stop using “lol” in every sentence is a good start
Rip off the bandaid quickly.
Tell him it’s not working for you and you don’t see a future together. Make clear that your decision is final.
Don’t use any patented lines like “It’s me not you” or suggest that you can remain friends.
Pull the trigger and go no contact for 3 weeks.
He’ll get over you.
Just be honest. Being rejected always hurts.
None.
There is no least painful way especially if you’ve heard from mutual friends that he’s in love with you.
I think you’re real question is what’s the least uncomfortable way to deal out the rejection.
Well, anyway however you mean it just tell him it’s not working out. That you don’t feel any chemistry and wish him well.
A problem I noticed though is:
“We’ve been on several dates, but I’ve found them increasingly uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy physical contact with him. It’s difficult to make out with him/ interact with him when were both sober.”
You both moved WAY TO FAST in this relationship and then you got physical while drinking. Also not good.
He’ll eventually get over it and you both need to learn from this.
Just tell him you are not into him and why. He won’t like it and for him it will be painful. For you just get it over with ASAP and that will be less painful on you. Good luck.
>but I’ve found them increasingly uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy physical contact with him.
Just tell him the truth, tell him you don’t like him and you despise physical contact with him and you find the dates uncomfortable. It’s preferable if you did it with a face of disgust towards him.
Hopefully that will do it
The least painful way long term is to be upfront and honest. Sparing his feelings now only leads to more hurt later. Rejection is never easy.
A clean cut heals fastest. Trying to be kind has value, but to do this right it will hurt him at first. Simply be honest, say that you are not feeling any romantic chemistry and are not interested in pursuing a relationship any further. Say that he didn’t do anything wrong, but that you don’t feel that you are compatible. And for the love of god don’t pull out the old “we can still be friends” in my experience that just feels like pouring salt in the wound, and if he try’s that, gently tell him that you think it would be best if you gave each other some space for a while.
Least painful way: don’t worry about the outcome. It is going to happen a bunch in your lifetime and it happens a bunch in everyone’s lifetime. We aren’t all a fit for each other, it isn’t a reflection on your value, but rather just lack of compatibility.
“Hey so I’ve had fun and we hit it off partying/drinking and everything but I’ve realized longer term this isn’t what I thought it’d be”. Do it now not later. I can’t count how many times I’ve been on both ends of this when it comes to partying so it’s not much of a letdown when I was usually drunk with the person and don’t click sober.
Sleep with his best friend.