Hello! I (F24) have been in a flirty type of relationship with one of my friends (M26) we seem to really enjoy our time together, we plan out “dates” we say we love each other, we talk constantly and have even kissed, hugged, held hands, cuddled etc. He hasn’t had an actual committed relationship since he was a teenager and all of his recent relationships have just been one time hookups. he says with me he feels actual love but when I hint at wanting to make our relationship official he gives me confusing signals, this is the message he sent me yesterday…
“Well in the future maybe we’ll be able to level up our relationship ❤️ I just like taking things nice and slow since I haven’t been in a serious relationship in awhile. You’re just coming off of a relationship with (ex boyfriend’s name) nice and slow don’t seem like a bad idea after the way he treated you. Just some extra time to yourself to really think about what you want. This is why I always tell you, you deserve better and you really do. Always look for the best things in life from now on 😌 leave all the bad stuff behind you, it’ll be a better future. 🥰”
I’m not quite sure whether that’s his way of letting me down easy or if he actually means we might be able to have a real relationship in the future. Here’s an example of other messages he sends…
“But with you I feel something very special. I haven’t told somebody I loved them in a long time. I wanna do things with you. Go out to restaurants movies, actually do things and just spending time with you. You mean I lot to me and a genuinely love you 💕”
Here’s a message in response to me saying I wanted to listen to his heartbeat…
“You can listen to it all you want. I’ll make you feel safe any day. All I want is you and only you ❤️”
Can anyone give any thoughts on what this could possibly mean? I’m not very good at reading social cues.
TLDR: a collection of some very confusing messages, any thoughts on what they could mean?
4 comments
Its definitely weird but it sounds like he’s letting you down.
At this point I’d say either just be super direct and say you’d like to be in a relationship or give up on the whole thing. If you go direct make sure you’re very clear with what you want so he can’t give you some unclear response
Yeah, this is a man who would like to get romantic, but in his head is sure he’s going to screw it up. And the sad thing is, when someone’s so fixated on an eventuality, it often happens 😐
Let me tell you what I am reading, here. He is someone who was in a relationship with a bad breakup some time ago and he is scared of being hurt again. It seems clear he loves you, but he is afraid of being hurt by you. He says you just came out of a relationship (you don’t mention this, is this true? Bad breakup?) and is afraid of just being your rebound hookup.
I’m afraid you are going to have to talk to him about all of this. If you want a healthy relationship, with him or with someone else in the future, you’re going to have to talk about your wants, desires, expectations, dreams, and more with your partner. We can’t be entirely sure what he means, you should be asking him, not Internet strangers. I hope that helps.
He clearly wants a ‘trial’ relationship with you before he risks destroying the friendship with sex. He sounds like a great guy who just doesn’t want to be your re-bound or lose a good friend over sex. Take his advice and take it slow.