It is an arranged marriage setup. I(M, 28) am getting married to a girl(F, 26) who I know for last 4 months. She is a wonderful girl. She has never been in a relationship before, not even a fling. She knew she is going to have arranged marriage therefore she has never been romantically involved with anyone.
She cares about my likes and dislikes. We have spent time together shopping, dining during weekends for last 4 months. We have been talking via phone almost 2 hours everyday. It is evident that we like each other. We are going to get married in 2 months.
For past few days, she wanted to share something which she was not able to. After insisting many times, she revealed that she is not mentally ready for sex just after marriage and it may take her some time to be mentally prepared. I asked her how much time she is talking about. She replied it could range from 2 weeks to 2 months. I asked her how I can help her to be comfortable or be mentally prepared. She replied “It is not something I can help her with. This is from her end only”.
I am taking suggestions. What can I do in this situation? I’m willing to wait. I’m just afraid that what if 2 months after marriage, she says she is still not ready. Do girls not feel the same excitement as boys do?
12 comments
Soooooooo…… imma evade the whole arranged marriage part and try to stay supportive of the situation.
So yes. Women who have not had sexual encounters can be worried about it.
I would ask her what specifically she is worried about. Insecurity? Maybe seeing a couple’s counselor would help. Pain? They make dilators to help assist with the physicality of the situation. I suggest a combo of the two pending further investigation.
You’ve known her 4 months and will be married in 6 months. She’s not about to have sex with a stranger. You’ve gotta wait until she’s ready be it 2 weeks or 2 years! Chill out dude!
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Ngl this seems like it’s gonna a real tough start to the arranged marriage. No advice really.
Perhaps she is not really ready for marriage. Could you delay the marriage until she is ready to be a wife?
This is very normal. Start by building up trust and comfort. Think of it as slowly dating. Get comfortable with hugs and kisses. Get comfortable with some form of nudity and just work your way up to it. You from a culture with morality and modesty is a big deal then you just expect her to be ok with getting physical. Especially when it’s an arranged marriage. Build up your feelings towards each other and the rest would follow. Pretty much romance her buddy. Also perhaps you should take care of yourself physically if needed you know. Work out, dress nice, etc.
Go through the dating process after your wedding. Do fun things together, talk late into the night, hold hands, kiss goodnight, gradually move ahead to making out. Don’t let getting married as strangers rob you of the process of becoming friends and lovers.
Ok so I have to say I don’t think the arranged marriage part is that big of a deal even tho it’s not my culture. Some strong relationships Can come from that. Given the rate of divorce, why not?
No, women are on average not as excited about having sex as men. She might be very nervous about it and probably can’t even get her mind off the thought of having to be seen naked by another human let alone by you and for SEX. she probably hasn’t even ever been to a gynocologist. And she is probably trying to lessen the pressure she feels by having you agree to delaying having sex. Most women need to feel an emotional connection before we feel comfortable with it.
I think you should give her all the time she needs without pressure. Agree to it and since you like each other already, you will probably win her heart over even more just by telling her that she can have all the time she needs. No pressure. And don’t just say it. Mean it. We know the difference! 😁
I mean, some of it is her getting through it, but sex is not a her thing, it’s a marriage thing.
I bet she has some shame and unfamiliarity around sex. I’d say the best thing to do is ask her what she’s afraid of. Is it the expectations? Does she think it will hurt? Does she just want to get to know you more? Is she worried about impressing you?
Just follow her lead. You can try to seduce her by doing romantic things. But at the end of the day it’s her body so give her space. I guarantee you if you get pushy about it she’ll run away further.
I was virtually a Virgin when I met my soon to be wife and she had 1 long term relationship before me. We tried having sex right away when we decided to be exclusive. It took us a week before both of us were comfortable enough to actually have sex. Our bodies simply werent ready for it.
Let her have her time and space to be truly ready it will soon fall into place. If things do not work out for either or both of you, it is best to remain positive and supportive of each other. This goes especially for you when she encounters issues.
Date her!
Learn and care as much about her likes and dislikes as much as she does for yours. Show her you are a caring partner without the pressure of anything physical. Do not make it transactional.