I am 29F and I’m struggling with dating.
I am a little weird so I do everything as a timed routine. As long as I stay in routine I’m fine.
I’ve worked at the same place doing the same job on the same shift since I was 18. I work on an assembly line. It’s easy and brainless so I can easily do it without any issues. I work with 2 other ladies and we talk or I listen to music and zone out.
I’ve always worked the 3-11 shift M-F. I can do everything that needs to be done during the day and then I get my dinner on the way to work. My job is only 2 miles from my house and the restaurant I always order my meal from is between my house and my job.
Recently I started dating 33m. He asked me out twice so I decided to give him a shot. He is nice to me and a pretty good bf. However we are still getting used to each other.
The problems are:
My shift interferes with dating. He wants to see me during the week but he gets off work @ 6 and I’m already at work by then. I don’t want to switch shifts because I’m already comfortable with the people I work with and I struggle with new people. Also I’d have to completely reshuffle my routine and wouldn’t be able to get what I need to get done during the day.
He likes to go to a lot of different restaurants but I can only eat certain things. I don’t have any allergies or anything it’s just the texture of a lot of stuff makes me gag. Also smells….
Also he plays his music on random shuffle. I can’t handle that. He will have me going through an emotional hurricane with his Playlist. It has me so flustered I can’t brain by the time we get where we are going. It is very overwhelming. I can’t put in headphones because he talks to me over the music. He will not pick a mood with the music so it goes from something slow to something fast and then slow again. I can’t do that.
I know this is all me issues and normal people don’t do this but I’m not sure if I can do this with him because I’m already having issues. I do like him. He is a good bf and is good to me but I feel like I’m having a lot of issues normal people don’t have.
I don’t normally date for these reasons.
Is there anything I can do to try to help this situation?
Tdlr- I am a little weird and my quirks are making it difficult to date. I like my bf but I am struggling a lot.
9 comments
Probably be good to see a mental health professional. It’s one thing to prefer structure and schedule, but this is disrupting your ability to pursue dating and growing as a person.
My angel, have you been screened for ADHD/Autism? Because a lot of what you’re describing seems to be that you are easily overwhelmed by sensory input.
The sensory-overload of textures, smells and sounds are *textbook* traits of autism (speaking ad an Au/DHD-diagnosed person myself with years of understanding on the subject)
Find someone that has free time during the day same as you. Find someone that works the swing shift at like a hospital. They are out there.
You have every right to organize your life as you wish. That being said, this degree of inflexibility will make any potential relationship very difficult.
It is likely that you are neurodivergent but ultimately that doesn’t change the fact that having rigid expectations, for nearly every aspect of your life, will make any romantic relationship very daunting for your potential partners.
Talk to a professional. You’re not going to achieve any personal growth being so regimented. Good luck.
>I don’t want to switch shifts because I’m already comfortable with the people I work with and I struggle with new people.
>I can only eat certain things. I don’t have any allergies or anything it’s just the texture of a lot of stuff makes me gag. Also smells….
>he plays his music on random shuffle. I can’t handle that. […] It has me so flustered I can’t brain by the time we get where we are going. It is very overwhelming. […] it goes from something slow to something fast and then slow again. I can’t do that.
Are you seeing anyone about this stuff? They’re pretty severe sensory issues.
You can ask to control the music or ask him to pick a genre so it’s more one note. You should probably get screened for neurodivergence, it can help you find resources to navigate your specific challebges
Have you guys talked about any of these things, or have you just kinda silently suffered through these moments?
If this is a good dating partner for you, you can ask them, “Hey I feel overwhelmed when we listen to music while driving, can we either pick one album ahead of time and stick to it or just talk?”
Everyone has needs that are unique, and I’d say now is as good a time as any to express those needs.
You sound like you are on the autism spectrum abs should get diagnosed and into therapy.