I’m a 26 year old man, and I’m asking this question primarily to the older guys with more experience.
My question is, at what point did stop entertaining girls just because they’re hot, even though you have know you will never date them seriously?
It sounds kinda dumb I know.
But I find that so many of the dates I go on are with girls I don’t even like, but I’m only physically attracted to them, and in the back my head I’m only in this for the chance that at some point we’ll hook up.
Just last night I ended up calling a girl that was super into me that I didn’t even like, just because she’s hot.
She’s super excited and eager for us to hangout again, and part of me feels like a prick for leading her on.
Even though I know it’s wrong, I can’t seem to escape this trap.
I notice this happens with my friends aswell, and many of them end up getting in relationships with these girls just because they like the sex.
It seems like it’s common amongst young men.
Last night I started thinking deeply about this, and realized the last time I dated a chick that I geniuly liked and could seea future with was 2 years ago. All the ones that came after. I never truly liked them.
I want to be able to have the courage to not date these girls, but I’m too horny. lol
What was the point that you gained the maturity and started only entertaining chicks you actually liked?
I want to get to the point where her looks don’t matter that much and it’s all about connection.
10 comments
You’ll never stop lusting after women you think are physically hot, unless you have some kind of medical issue that turns off your sex drive. You’ll presumably start valuing other traits when they become priorities to you. There’s no scientific formula.
The exact point in time in which women can’t use their sexual appeal to get what they want and have to actually bring something of value to the table, is the point in time that you have control of your life, and the women get worried.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a few women out there with value, and understand life, the majority, well, lets just say that good looks only go so far….
​
When you stop chasing women and look after your life, is when they start chasing you. Don’t stand in line with the guys for a “chance” with your obsession. Your obsession should be you, and watching how women try their “best” to be in your life. That is addictive…
The sooner you realize this, the better life will get.
Trust me, it works.
I’m 42. I did most of my growing up and settling down in my early 20s, and I’m better for it.
Its about deciding what is more important to you. Sounds like you might be at that point, or getting close to it. Good for you, truly, because I feel a lot of young men are losing out on being able to develop good relationships with women because of the attitudes about casual sex on all sides.
For what it’s worth, you’re well past the point where your hormones should be leading the way. Take that nice girl out, show her a good time, and get to know her beyond what’s under her clothes. If you don’t care for her personality, don’t fuck her. It’s genuinely not that complicated.
I don’t know if this will answer your question or not but you could let them know you’re only looking for a casual thing. That will make you feel less guilty since they know it’s not serious.
I put on my tinder and hinge that I wasn’t looking for anything serious and had fun meeting and hooking up with women. I clicked with some of them enough for it to turn into a fwb thing. I was using these apps just to meet new women. Had no desire to enter a serious relationship. And then I met my girlfriend. Called it off with the other women I was seeing and haven’t looked back.
You don’t need to lead people on to have fun and hook up while you’re looking for Mrs right.
when i was in my early 20’s i was dating someone super hot, but ultimately very toxic and looking back i realize now i was being emotionally abused. she fucked me up pretty bad. From that point forward i became very skeptical of beautiful people. It may have been my bias from that relationship but i began to notice a lot of attractive women at work would ask me for favors. I stopped doing that and treated them like anyone else.
So they’d go to other guys at work and they’d do it. I’d ask them why you’re doing their work for them. “dude look at her. cmon. you know i’m single.” bro, she’s fucking using you. stop letting her do that. She can do her own job.
Not to say all women are like this obviously, but i went through a phase where i was just very skeptical of all women, especially attractive ones. Started to develop relationships with woman based more or less completely on friendship. led to a lot more healthy relationships both friendly and romantic.
Honestly, 20.
I don’t have the time nor energy for that kind of bullshit.
Never was an issue… I have always gone with quality over quantity!
Never started doing that. If I ain’t got a chance then I just don’t, what would be the point of entertaining them? Don’t get anything out of it.
I was in a relationship for 8 years and became single for the first time as an adult at 24. For about 1 month I did what you described. For another two months I was doing it not even in hopes of having sex. I didn’t want the sex, I just wanted them to want the sex. I stopped all that after feeling empty and that I was wasting time. After that, I only talked to women for any significant time that I was truly attracted to physically and mentally. This significantly decreased the amount of women I talked to but definitely worth it for my own wellbeing.
I never started…