Me and my girlfriend go to same gym, we usually go together in the evening when we stop working, but she goes sometimes in the afternoon too cause she has 2 hours break from work. Problem is there is this guy who follow her wherever she goes at the gym, if she is doing weight lifting, he goes there too, if she goes to another room, he follow, and so on. She told me she doesn’t feel comfortable going there alone in the afternoon because of this guy, so if there is not her female friend with her she is not training. This week l have free time from work so l’m able to go at the gym in the afternoon with her, l’m wondering if l should confront this guy or if just me being there would be enough to turn this guy off. If l have to confront him what could be a good way to do it?
TL DR: a guy is stalking my girlfriend at the gym, how should l confront him?
48 comments
Don’t need to confront him as such. Just be there and be visible and make it clear from the way you interact with her that you two are a couple.
You don’t even need to make eye contact with him.
If this is a reoccurring issue, I think the smartest way forward is to alert the gym staff to his behavior and ask them to do something about it. They’ll probably revoke his membership if he’s harassing other gym patrons.
Maybe it doesn’t feel like the most “manly” way to handle it, but possibly escalating a confrontation with a weirdo in a space with a lot of equipment doesn’t seem like the safest decision. It also may not deter him from continuing to follow her around when you’re not there next time.
Your girlfriend has likely had a lifetime of learning how to deal with situations like this. It appears to be something new for you. So just do as she asks.
Do not confront him unless necessary, for starters you should go there simply and observe, do not enter the gym as a couple and actually verify if this stalking is happening. If it is indeed happening then simply insert yourself as the “boyfriend” visibly and see if that stops the behavior.
If that doesn’t do it then get the gym involved then authorities if it escalates. The last thing you want is a criminal record, be smart about this.
Talk to the gym first and foremost. Don’t get into an altercation over this. Thy gym should have security that’s paid to handle that type of thing.
What has *she* done about this problem? Why is it yours to solve? She needs to tell the gym staff and have them handle it.
I’m a long-time martial artist and self-defense instructor. Staying safe is about conflict avoidance. Confronting people is almost always terrible idea, especially if there is a disparity of force involved (e.g., man vs. woman, many vs. few, young vs. older). The only exception is if you already perceive an imminent threat and think that confrontation can prevent violence by dissuading your attacker or making a scene in public.
It usually goes fine, but when it goes wrong, it can be life threatening. My sister confronted a guy that was cat-calling her friend while they walked down the street and woke up in the ER with a concussion. Doesn’t remember the punch. Don’t put yourself in that situation.
Safest bet is likely to go with her to report this to the gym’s management. I’m sure they have cameras and can see his consistent inappropriate behavior. I don’t see any way you directly confronting him will create a solution without making a more dangerous situation for your girlfriend next time you aren’t around
You need to go with your girlfriend to speak to the staff and don’t just speak to any staff, ask to speak to management or whoever’s in charge. Tell them that you’ve taken time off of work to escort your girlfriend to the gym because this man has been stalking her there and she is terrified for her safety. Ask them to please keep an eye out, ask them to make sure someone is in the gym at all times and if he continues you’ll be speaking to law enforcement.
Whatever do you, do not confront him. Because if anything happens, you’ll be the person locked up. Not him. She doesn’t want you to do that. She just needs someone to say, hey, lets speak to management and I’ll be there with you.
The way you do this is talk to the staff and let them handle it. Most decent gyms take creepers seriously. You confronting him is just going to cause problems for everyone, including your GF.
You shouldn’t confront him, she (or both of you) should talk to the gym management about it (I would escalate it above general staff right away to talk to someone in charge).
Tell the gym staff, pretty sure he’ll get kicked out and they won’t tell him it’s because of a certain person complaining, less worry of him waiting outside for you/her that way
Alert the staff first. Always exhaust the “civilized” options before escalating.
I worked at a gym for a few years your best bet is tell staff/upper manager & then if all else fails police. I wouldn’t get involved directly you never know how people can react.
Report him to the gym.
Immediately, ask them to review CCTV to corroborate what your partner is saying.
He should – at the very least get something of an anonymous warning to stop following female gym goers around the gym.
And highly likely they’ll revoke his membership with a threat of police involvement.
tell her to look at him and say, wtf are you doing? is it possible they had the same trainer and do the same routine? don’t fight this guy in the gym, they hire people for a reason. she needs to inform the gym employees. she could also go at a different time. either way, you’re a boyfriend not a bodyguard and the way girls are testing their boyfriend’s because of some stupid tik tok trend I side eye these situations and wonder why she doesn’t take control of her own safety.
Before you take any action, I’d scout it out a few times to see if you notice the same thing. If so, I wouldn’t confront him directly—you don’t know if this dude is a ‘roided out lunatic. I’d report him to the gym’s management.
Some stalkers love the attention and the challenge. If he sees you, he might be even more provoked and make things worse for both lf you.
Some stalkers like to see how uncomfortable they make others feel…
Stay back and watch, then if he does it, inform staff or…
*”You have been making my girlfriend uncomfortable, please stop.”*
What do your girlfriend want you to do
Take the issue to gym staff as a first act. If they fail to act or that doesn’t work, then say something to the dude. Not sure why you’re so eager to escalate the situation first before trying to manage it in a safe, non-threatening way (having management revoke his membership)
OP seems to just be looking for justification to fight this guy.
Gradual escalation. Show up and casually be on the look out. Don’t do more than shoot him a stern look at first and see what result you get. If he’s undeterred by your presence then you might want to consider firmly but not aggressively letting him know you’re making both of them uneasy.
Well you have some options buddy.. For once you can beat the living f out of him but this will get you in trouble legally. You can go there and show him that she’s your woman and maybe if u are lucky he will back off. If you are unlucky just have your girlfriend record him then go to gym management and get him kicked out for harassment. You can bet that threatening to sue for bs reasons that seem plausible as well as maybe the idea of a restraining order will convince the gym staff to get rid of this menace.
She needs to report it to the gym so they can watch out for her as well, also they can speak to him. I wouldn’t confront him until you see it in action..but when you do see it I think you must confront him. I don’t say wait to see it until you do something because you need proof or whatever, but because he can deny it if you confront him somewhere it isn’t happening. If you confront him while he’s actively doing it or trying to do it, he has no way to deny and will be seemingly caught red handed.
Is he there only at a certain time? Or whenever she goes, he shows up as well? If it’s happening at the same time every time, she needs to avoid at that time until this gets straightened out.
Definitely…. Ask him politely the first time!
confrontation could escalate his behavior, tell staff. ask gf what she’d be comfortable with if this behavior happens with you there. remember that this guy could be legit crazycrazy and the person you love is in the crossfire
I mean, if you notice it, go to the people who work there and say you notice a man being creepy towards a woman. You don’t have to confront him directly, because that could put you both in danger (especially if she goes again without you, he could get more aggressive). Just let them know, and encourage your GF to tell them whenever it happens, every time, so they have documentation of multiple complaints and can reasonably kick him out without fear of a lawsuit.
Go with her, inform the staff and tell him to pound sand.
Alert staff and she needs to confront. I am aware of how this can go sideways but a lot of men think silence is acquiescence. They also think they are sneaky when they aren’t. Sometimes a person walking up and saying ‘you following me room to room is weird, knock it off’ is enough to shame them away.
GF should have already contacted the gym staff. She needs to help herself first.
She should know this by now.
i think you should watch some gym fights before you confront him. there’s some crazy roid-ragers out there
i know you want to protect your gf but you should be smart about to. it’s prolly not best for a pissing contest if you both want to use that gym long term
i agree with others to let management know first and even document it somehow in case this ever turns out to be a legal or criminal issue
Do not interact with this guy. He’s a random man and you don’t know what he will do to you or your gf. Your first option should be to inform the gyms staff. If nothing happens, go to a different gym.
Probably need to bring it up with the gym employees before involving police because the gym is responsible for their patron’s safety and comfort.
Do not confront him. Alert gym staff if the issue. If they do nothing have her file a police report. Nuclear option is to change gyms. I feel like if you confront him that may make things worse. You don’t want it progressing to him stalking her outside the gym as well.
I would let the staff handle it. First off you don’t know what this guy could or would do to you. Last thing you want is an altercation where you get hurt. If it escelates maybe find your girlfriend a female only gym?
Yep!!! Grab him by the collar and scream in his face
Show him who’s boss , suck his weiner
I think it’s worth it to be there so your girlfriend can file a complaint with the gym staff if it will make her feel supported. I wouldn’t encourage confronting him, because I don’t think that will solve anything. But she’s a paying customer and the business should take care of it. You can be there to help her have confidence!
Not worth it to further conflict though
yeah id go with her. when he does it, have her obviously call him out, and you can easily tell the staff, or handle it yourself. creeps will cower in fear, or just run every time
Ok…this is MY take on this issue…
OP appears to be *more* interested in flexing his pecs and pounding his chest than *Respecting* his girlfriend and allowing her enough individual agency to handle this situation by **LISTENING** to her and talking to the gym management FIRST – as he’s been advised to do by *DOZENS* of posters here.
OP doesn’t seem to understand that wailing on the gym creep is only going to get him arrested – if not worse – which will NOT help his girlfriend *at all***.**
*How is he going to protect her if he’s not around?*
There’s been more that a few posts here about boyfriends reacting over-the-top to real (or even just *perceived*) danger to loved ones. It got them *hospitalized*, and the girlfriend suddenly *afraid* of a BF who wouldn’t listen to her and went 0-to-60 to violent confrontation. It destroyed the relationship.
OP needs to follow the BEST advice here, and most of all – keep a cool head for himself and his girlfriend.
You should not confront him.
Instead, you and your girlfriend should speak with the gym staff and explain what is happening.
It’s their job to handle it. Most gyms really don’t like members who harass their other members. If mgmt has half a brain they will crack down on him. Also, if they don’t immediately ban him ask them what you should do if his behavior continues. Then stick to that plan. If he continues to harass your gf after a warning and the gym fails to protect your gf by formally banning him at that point, then take your business elsewhere. You could also consider filing a police report at that point because continuing to follow her after receiving a formal warning would definitely be considered harassment.
Seriously, confronting this dude is a terrible idea and more likely to backfire by having you catch charges or endangering your gf further than solve anything.
Knock him on his ass
Befriend the dude. Then when you have his trust, betray him and say “for the watch.” I think you know what happens after that.
Go to the gym with her. Ignore him. Both of you pretend he doesn’t exist. And yes, alert the gym that this guy is creeping gym patrons out.
If he doesn’t follow her when you are around then yes. I would say something. Maybe you should let her walk around and you can observe the situation.
Talk to Gym staff and tell them what’s going on… Confrontation can get messy.
Report him to the staff at the gym. Theyll revoke him membership and blacklist him. There is obviously ample evidence of him stalking her via camera footage.
If the staff cant or wont do anything, simply go to a new gym. Find one with a womens only section. Theyre wildly popular now thanks to weirdo gym prevents
Its smarter than you being arrested for assault and battery after he taunts you into taking a swing. You wont be able to do jack fucking shit to help her from a jail cell. And hell make a move while youre locked up out of his way.
Tell the people at the gym see if they can help