I (32f) met (32m) on hinge about 4 weeks ago. We had been chatting for a few weeks before meeting in person. We met for dinner and all nice and dandy. Our second date was a gym date which was fun and different. We both enjoy working out and that date was a success.
This weekend (m32) purchased a cute little puppy. We speak and ft and Ofcourse I say eventually I’d like to meet the puppy. Next day I come over meet the puppy and stay over for a movie night. I already knew this was probably not the best idea but took the risk. I stay over , we hook up and that’s that. I leave the following morning.
I don’t feel great about hooking up but it happened. (M32) and I are still texting but something feels off as if (m32) is doing a slow fade. Anyhow, I am still dating other guys and not necessarily too concerned with this but rather the approach. If asked to “hang out” again in his house again, I intend in declining but rather suggesting a date. I don’t mind hanging out at home the issue is I don’t want to give off the wrong impression that I only want sex because I don’t. Also of those are the intentions, it will be easier to weed out. I already messed up by “hanging out to begin with” but it’s never too late.
How would you guys suggest a date and not a hangout without sounding pushy but maintaining my boundaries?
7 comments
I would just text him to ask if he wants to do something next weekend (for example, I dont know how often you meet). You could even already suggest something in the text like “hey do you want to go hiking/biking/to the gym/go to a movie/whatever next weekend?” That way you already indicate you want to do something instead of just hanging at home.
Whew, I could’ve written this because I’m currently in a similar boat. My first date go-to is usually brunch because it’s during the day and less likely to lead to intimacy. Going to a museum is another good one but any day activity will do.
If I (36M) was the guy I’d prefer you to just be honest with me. Tell me that you typically don’t hookup and that you’d like to wait for further sex. If that means only going out on dates then we will do that. If it just means enforcing boundaries when you come over, that’s fine too.
Have you communicated that you want to take things slow again? If you still like the guy, go back to date activities. It seems though that something about him is off-putting based on your response.
He’s fading away, you’re dating other guys; neither of you seem to be that into the other. You’ve been intimate once, but that didn’t draw EITHER of you closer. This “relationship” isn’t going anywhere. IF he asks you to “hang out” with him again, simply decline. Problem solved. Focus on dating other guys; find someone you’re more attracted to.
He could also be pretty busy with a new puppy! They are pretty time consuming. When I first got my dog I also wouldn’t have wanted to spend a heap of time away either.
I was in a similar boat as you. I hooked up with a guy on our second date. Normally, I don’t do that but I was really into him and couldn’t help myself! I honestly thought I wasn’t going to hear from him so I was ready to pull the trigger on a text to find out. Luckily, I heard from him! I agree with what others have said. Ask him if he wants to go do xyz and see what he says. If he’s not into it, then I’d step back and see if he steps up.