Hi! I (25,F) broke up with my boyfriend (26,M) of 2.5 years 5 months ago.
We had come to have a very toxic relationship mostly because of him (didnt show up 1st anniversary, kept me waiting hours for dates, yelled at me, I had to beg to talk about serious topics, was always angry at me, gaslighted me, would never compliment me, would never be with me when i felt bad, stared at me with disgust when I was crying, left the building when I wanted to talk about something hurful he did, etc). Honestly, i was a pretty nice, loving and understanding gf. So after thinking it for months and my anxiety growing every day I broke it off.
The day we broke up he insisted Id see him some days after so that he could tell me all the things he would do to fix things, I agreed. When the day came my anxiety was through the roof so I apologized and told him I couldnt do it, and that I didnt want to talk.
I went to therapy and came to the conclusion that I had to go no contact so I removed him of every social plataform. His relatives (even his grandma) texted me multiple times to give him a chance and talk, sometimes insutling me, so I blocked them too.
It has been 5 months and he is still contacting me through various means telling me he’ll love me forever, he misses me, that im extraordinary, that our conection will always be there, that he is grateful to have met me and some pretty poetic and intense things. I have never replied nor it appears anywhere that I have read it.
I know how stupid it sounds, I love him and I miss him. But im afraid the things he did and how he was cannot be fixed. And my mental heath is excellent after breaking up.
I would appreciate your input on this questions as I dont know if my thoughts and fewlings are normal. I sometimes feel as I will never have such a strong connection to someone, but I know that probably untrue
Why is he still texting me?
Is it ever a good idea to respond?
Is it dangerous for him to still contact me for months after being ignored?
Is this harassment?
Thank you so much in avance!!
TLDR: I broke up with bf of 2.5 years 5 months ago and he has been contacting me through different plataforms even though I never respond.
6 comments
Do not contact him and make sure friends and family are aware that this is going on.
Don’t respond. Block him. It’s really problematic that he’s still harassing you after this long and I can say with about 97% accuracy that talking with him or trying again will be really, really bad.
Continue not responding and blocking him in the ways you can. And honestly I would ask your family and therapist what the next steps would be if he keeps overstepping his boundaries by contacting you. If he AT ALL shows up at your house, place of work, your parents house- anyone, make sure you’re prepared to possibly get a restraining order. You didn’t specify how often he’s been trying to reach you but keep receipts of that so if something happens, you already have information you need.
Hopefully I’m blowing this outta proportion but ya never know. If you said your mental health is excellent after the breakup that should be enough to keep you away.
Start documenting all of his attempts in case you need to take legal action.
It is difficult to tell between broken hearted cringe versus strangle your dog dangerous. My suggestion is send ONE notice to stop contacting you, communicate using SMS or email so you can keep a record. Be firm and say nothing else eg “STOP CONTACTING ME”. This will make it easier to get a restraining order if need be in the future.
If you know any of family members well enough consider asking them to intervene. After my creepy ex crossed the line into into illegal I politely got her older brother to talk sense into her.
Others already said so, but: do not reply. Block him everywhere. You’re in a happier place now and he’ll just drag you down again. You already said he was manipulative, and he’ll do it again.
Still having conflicting feelings for him is normal, but DO NOT REPLY. It’s for the best.