Advice for a sexual novice in making my gf feel desired

My gf (32f) is my first female partner. I (34f) find her very attractive— she’s pure physical perfection! But, I’d love her and want to be sexual with her even if she became less attractive, or even if she weren’t female. We’ve been together 5 years.

As far as my sexual orientation goes, I never really thought about it much. I’ve always known that I’m kind of demisexual and I’ve never experienced a feeling of purely physical attraction to a person who I’m not in love with, male or female. Maybe I’m a demisexual lesbian— I never have been attracted to a man. She is in fact the first person I’ve been in love with. I had relationships before but never felt feelings of romantic love and attraction like I do with her. She’s precious and perfect to me. If asked my sexual orientation, I’d say, well, I’m “her-sexual,” I don’t know much, doesn’t concern me really, I’m super happy with my gf. I’m bi, maybe? While I find her especially, perfectly, wonderfully attractive, it bothers her a lot that my main attraction to her isn’t based principally on her being female. I’m pretty sure I’d love her and feel the same no matter her gender expression. I love the feminine things she does and expresses. I tell her daily. She feels hurt in a way that I’m trying to understand, so that I can express my appreciation of her in a way that fulfills her need to feel attractive and wanted. She wants me to get to know myself more and be able to define my sexual orientation. I’ve told her that I’m trying to understand more, searching and contemplating deeply. If I tell her my thoughts, it seems like anything I say just makes her feel more insecure about herself. She wants to be loved and for me to be attracted to her based on the fact that she’s feminine more than other factors. If I could feel like I define myself strictly as a lesbian, or if I were a man or trans (ftm and attracted only to women), she’d feel secure about herself. She says, with things like they are, she feels like she’s just waiting for me to “find myself” and abandon her. She’s found in the past year that she is in fact very attracted to men, but she says she’s attracted to me, too and wants a relationship with me. What can I do? Thought experiment suggestions to help me define the things about myself she wants to know?

From her perspective, much of the problem is sex related. She is a submissive, bottom type. I didn’t know anything about dominance and submission prior to our relationship but I am a naturally dominant person and take the dominant role in sex. I’ve been a slow learner but I’m committed to doing and learning to be a dominant top, and to finding how I can express personality aspects I have in a way that coincides with making her feel how she wants to feel. I don’t really like to be submissive, in any case. I’m pretty dumb, dispute all my reading and trying things— I am most definitely a sexual novice compared to her. There isn’t a libido mismatch, at least. We have sex a few times a week. We both initiate. Still, something major is missing for her. She wishes that I pursued her more, outside of sex and that I could make her feel like I crave her more intensely. She says she feels unwanted, unattractive, like she constantly has to beg for what she wants, like it must not be important to me. She’d like if I pursued her “horny man” style, making her feel irresistible. I’d love to be able to make her feel that way, with all my heart! I’d like to try my best but I end up forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing and how often because it doesn’t naturally occur to me. From my side, I feel like I’m making a tremendous effort to be good enough, and still always coming up tragically short. Maybe it’s simply a matter of being more deliberate about finding ways to express to her that I feel attracted to her physically, rather than telling her verbally? Can anyone relate, give me advice?