So here it is – the controversial topic of whether it’s ok for a girl to message first.
I believe that it’s fine, and I’m one of those women who take action – in my career and in personal life. But I must admit that it has backfired many times.
This particular case. I’ve been single for more than 2 years, post-divorce. Dating on dating apps. Whenever I meet someone who is ok but doesn’t make my heart skip a beat, I don’t really care or think twice who messages whom and how a date happens. But a few times a guy was physically really, and I mean really attractive, I start doubting myself and overthinking my every step.
So I’ve been exchanging messages with this really hot guy, and his messages are also great – he seems too good to be true, frankly. This weekend, he suggested to meet, and asked if what day between Monday and Wednesday would work for me for lunch, as Thursday to Sunday he’s got his kid with him. I suggested Monday. He then apologised, saying that Monday he actually couldn’t. We exchanged a few more texts, including a couple this morning. I texted last, a brief, fun reply to his voice message.
Now my question. Naturally, I do want to message him as it’s now evening (I’m in Europe) and he still hasn’t messaged or suggested to meet. I do want to message something funny, suggesting another day. But then I stop myself, thinking that I did that yesterday, he declined, didn’t suggest an alternative – so I’d come across as needy. I’m not needy – and if it weren’t such a hot guy, I would’ve messaged him already without giving it a second thought. Instead, I’m thinking about it all day and checking my phone. Aargh.
What do you think? Should I just ‘be myself’ and message, suggest once again to meet up – and if he can’t, again, move on? Or better keep waiting – and perhaps he’ll finally reappear??
4 comments
So, is the concern you’re being catfished or are you just asking when to message? If its just messaging, go ahead and be assertive because right now hes living rent-free in your head and you don’t even know if theres chemistry off of the screen. Once you know theres something there IRL, then it might be worth investing more thought into how he might be perceiving you.
At the very least, put the ball in his court – doesnt have to be a meet up, just send something casual that he can respond to without expectation of conversation
I’m female too and i know what u mean, i get more anxious with the guys i like. I would say in ur situation, wait for 2 more days to ask him out on another date, because u already asked just yesterday, the ball is in his court now. I also waited for the guy im dating to initiate after I had asked him out last week, and he did.
If someone likes you, they’ll take the effort to see you. If you keep being the one who initiates, theyll eventually believe that its ur job and ull have to do that always in the future, i’ve fallen into that place and it was annoying, frustrating.
What u can do is shoot him a light message in a few days asking how his day/week is going, see how he answers, he may or may not suggest another day, in the case he doesn’t, invite him out for dinner or something. Then later u should be straightforward about wanting both people to initiate, if he likes you, he’ll start to initiate more. I’ve learned that nothing is better than to be honest about how i feel, its much better than drowning urself in doubts and waiting.
I just read ur post again and he actually gave u the timeline between MOnday and Wednesday to choose from, so I think u should message him soon, otherwise he’ll be busy for the rest of the week and u wont be able to meet till next week. In this case he was the one that gave u the timeline to choose from so u asking him out on a time that works for u is just getting back to his suggestion in the first place.
Yeah u should totally text him now and ask to meet on Wednesday, worst case is he’s busy with something again and then the ball will be in his court.