My bf(m26) and I (f26)have been together through thick and thin.
We started chatting online, because I lived abroad. We chatted for 6 months, then met IRL and moved abroad to different country 2 weeks later. That was 5 years ago.
We struggled,always working long hours, lived in crappy apartments,no friends or family,only had each other. Hard and lonely life took tool on our relationship. After 3.5 years we were really depressed and decided to move back home. It was better for a while, we had a fresh start,better living conditions.
He is a type of person who buys homeless person a doughnut, helps granny to carry bags, helps a friend in need etc. That is one of the main reasons why I fell in love with him. But because of his kindness, people took advantage of him. He was doing anything his manipulative boss wanted and stayed at the certain job for 2 years, even it almost ruined our relationship. I helped him to work on his confidence and it changed for the better since.
Even though he works hard,he rarely has any money on his bank account. His job is flexible, basically if you work a lot you earn a lot and vice versa. Overall we have been making similar amounts of money. He had some spendings that I didn’t approve of like changing job equipment every few months. I have been very frugal and saved a nice sum from both of our money when we came back home. We had a comfortable fresh start because of it.
I have become a nagging machine and I hate to have this role. I tried to let go and leave him do adulting and boom,no bills paid for months. I lend him money for his driving school and for our 6 months rent. I freaked out because I decided he needs to pay me back. We argued a lot over it,for months. He does house chores but has some weird habits that I just can’t get over.
We have never been to a cinema. Every trip/travel we went to, planed by me. He didn’t get me anything for my bday last year and I just can’t get over it. For our 5th anniversary I get us tickets for one of our fav bends, he says that his friends might come too,which I wasn’t pleased with because c’mon. He didn’t go because of health problems. We never really celebrated our anyversary.He has so many missed opportunities.
There were times when he realised all the things he should change to have better relationship,and he is emotional and decides to change. Sometimes he does change, mostly he doesn’t. It often ends up with me telling him that I can’t live this life anymore and that he should leave, but I always feel sorry and don’t actually do it.
Few days ago we had an argument and I went completely crazy. I started insulting him, like I’ve never insulted anyone in my life. I was mean, loud and angry. Surprised and disappointed with myself , but couldn’t stop the words.
We have great moments too. We can be cute and cuddly, funny and fun. He can be soft and patient.
Two hrs ago we had an argument. I couldn’t find my bank card and searched everything. I really needed it for a new job. I wake him up and ask him if he has it, he gets up and pulls it out of his wallet. I tell him that he shouldn’t do that because it was a 2nd time in 5 days that he took it by mistake when I needed it.He starts shouting out of blue and later on accused me of shouting first. Back and fourth, so I tell him we need time apart. He said leave if you want, but I said no, because you still owe me some money for rent. I was crying a lot.
What should I do? What should we do?
I am tired of talking and finding a solution over and over again.
I love him. He says I don’t.
TDLR In a 5 year long relationship, shattered over it’s possible end. My bf is nice person, but can’t change reoccurring issues like care about important stuff, being more adult so I don’t have to constantly nagg. Yesterday’s argument is pushing me to leave, but I can’t because I love him. What should I do?
2 comments
Well there you go. People have strengths and weaknesses.
What do you feel you can or should do to make this work and at which point do you think he needs to start doing shit too? I think his action is long overdue. I think that if he wanted to make this work, he would’ve done or changed something for the better by now. He knows exactly what needs to change. Maybe he doesn’t want to, maybe he can’t. The point is, you’ve been carrying this relationship on your back most of the time and nothing is changed. You’re exhausted, disappointed, not appreciated and at the end of the rope. You’re using so much energy and time and yourself in general on somebody who doesn’t seem to be doing or willing to do same. It’s never 50:50 exactly, but this seems more like 80:20 and that’s fucked.