I am 22f and recently lost my virginity to a guy I have been dating for a couple months. We had already met a few times before.
For context I wasn’t a virgin by choice, just hadn’t found the right person. This guy made me feel extremely comfortable and I was very attracted to him. The whole experience of having sex was very positive and I don’t have any regrets.
We spent a couple days together and had sex a few times during this time. I felt we got on really well despite my awkwardness at times, and he even spoke as if we would eventually be looking at things long term. I left happy, and even excited for the future.
Now since I’ve been home (5 days now), literally since I left, the vibes have been way off. He is barely messaging me. Doesn’t put kisses in messages. Flirtyness just completely gone. I asked him if he was ok he said it was just work stress. I ask him are sure sure it’s nothing about us? He made this weird comment about everything leading up to us having sex and where do we go from here (I found this odd because he was not a virgin before and had multiple previous partners). I told him I didn’t feel that way at all and didn’t want anything to change just because we had sex. He apologised and said it’s all in his head but has continued to distance himself more and more.
So basically I think my fear of a guy only being attracted to me for my virginity came true. And it’s shit. I think he’s only sticking around because I told him about this fear and wants to prove he’s not that guy. But I can’t force him to like me as much as I like him. I don’t really know how to move forward from here? Do I hold on to that ounce of hope? He’s not fully ghosted me so I do think he must care about my feelings a bit?
11 comments
If he wanted to he would. If a woman is distant I assume she isn’t interested and move on. But that’s me.
It sounds like he’s soured on the relationship (for whatever reason) and is looking for an excuse to end things. I don’t think it necessarily was because he only wanted you for your virginity. That’s a possibility but relationships fizzle out for all kinds of reasons. Hopefully things turn out OK, but all of his signals seem to be saying he wants out.
That’s a really shitty thing for him to have done. I think move on, you deserve to have a guy that is 100% there for you and interested in you.
Sex sounds like it is really special to you seeing as you waited for the right person. I do not think you’ve done anything wrong, you found a guy that gave you a positive fun sexual experience, not many girls can say that about their first time.
I think you deserve more than what this guy can offer. Just treat it as an experience don’t think about it too negatively though you’ve not lost anything and you gained sexual experience which can be liberating you can be more free to make choices or take chances on guys without worrying about it having to be happily ever after.
That sucks. Is he (or you for that matter) from a patriarchal culture that places a lot of value on virtues, virginity, and all that nonsense? If so, you could be right, and he stuck around just for that. That makes him an asshole.
If there is no indication, that that is the case, it could be something other than virginity that made the guy bail. That doesn’t necessarily make him an asshole.
he is a V hunter. there are many stories like this on reddit. the guy pursues the girl, gets the V then goes cold. unfortunately there are guys that just want the pursuit and nothing after.
now that its not on the table go find someone who wants you for who you are.
Controversial opinion here but… he’s doing you a favour you don’t want to just settle down with the first guy you sleep with trust me go and experience the world enjoy your sexuality and discover what you like and don’t like
Maybe after sex he felt there wasn’t a spark. That happens too.
Some guys are in it just for the sex. They’re just not ready to settle down. I’ll bet you that if you offered a FWB situation, he will jump for it.
you got played. He got what he wanted and now is off to his next victim.
Probably not sexually compatible, you can be with the nicest person in the world but if sexually one person is very boring or vanilla and the other is very adventurous it won’t ever work. It’s no one’s fault only just 2 people with different thinking
>He made this weird comment about everything leading up to us having sex and where do we go from here
It sounds like he has achieved some clarity after having sex, and he doesn’t see how you to can have a relationship.
In my point of view, it doesn’t sound like he was just trying to take your virginity, but he actually wanted it to make it work, and sex was going to fix it all. Of course, sex doesn’t have any magical powers. If he has doubts on his mind, having sex didn’t made things easier.