Just looking for advice and or insight.
Me (27f) and my husband (30m) have been married for 3.5 years and together for 7.5 years. Ever since I’ve known him, he’s been a job hopper. He will only stay in a job for at the most a year and a half… he’s been in jobs for as little as 2 months, 1 month, 1 day…
He recently just quit a job after a few months because he kept telling me when he’s at work he feels “tortured” and like he’s trapped. He will sometimes quit jobs because of these reasons.. and other times he’ll quit to pursue passions (which I’m always supportive of) but tbh they never go very far and he’ll lose interest in them eventually.
He admits that he has mental health issues but still doesn’t go through with getting help /: I want to be supportive because we’re a team but I’ve been expressing to him that I’m feeling very financially insecure. Ive worked hard to get to the position I’m in as far as my career goes… but I want a partner who can also contribute, you know? And it’s hard to save at all because we’ll save for the months he’s working but then wee use it all when he’s unemployed.
How should I approach this situation? Divorce is not the approach I want to take, but I also just can’t sit back anymore knowing that we’re just getting older and we have literally barely any savings and I’m not living the lifestyle I’d personally like to live.
Thanks in advance
7 comments
Quit bailing him out, so live a life style that you can support with out his income. So when he doesn’t have a job don’t give him any of the money you made.
He gets help for his mental health issues or he can be single. It’s that simple.
It’s my belief that as adults, we’re responsible for our health, mental and physical. If you’re experiencing a problem that prevents you from fulfilling your role as a partner it’s your job to seek the appropriate professional help.
Do you have kids? Or do you want them? This is unacceptable if kids are in the mix. You’ll need a stable income if you have kids, and it isn’t fair to you to be expected to shoulder the entire load while he searches for a job that keeps him happy and satisfied 100% of the time while he also willingly refuses to address his admitted mental health struggles.
He is job hopping cos he can and you r the safety net. Take away the safety net by not enabling…pretend u have less money or that u might leave ur job etc
You need to be more firm with him. I don’t know how you phrased it when you brought up the issue to him, but there’s a big difference between “I’m feeling financially insecure” and “you’re becoming a financial burden that’s stressing me out and putting a strain on our marriage.”
Possibly, he doesn’t realize how seriously it’s bothering you. Also possibly, this is just who he is and no input from you will change him. You said he’s always done this as long as you’ve been together. You married him this way, what were you expecting?
Failing any serious changes on his part, and refusal to divorce him on yours, you should consider some options for financial separation, maybe even living separately. Yeah, that doesn’t sound like the dream scenario, but it’s better than your marriage crumbling because of his irresponsibility.
what it really comes down to is – you have known him to be like this since you’ve known him….but how much more of your life do you want to live like this? at what point are these sacrifices that you make become empty disappointments?
Listen, it’s good of you to be this supportive for this long but at some point you have to be selfish and think about your OWN life….do you want to be in this situation 10, 15, 20yrs from now? He is being extremely selfish to put you through this. Mental health isn’t an excuse to just keep doing what you’re doing while those who love you have to suffer through it, afraid of it, afraid to say anything for triggering them. I am tired of hearing about people with mental health issues using it as an excuse or some kind of crutch. There is help; all it really takes is to look for it and put in the effort to get treated and manage it on a daily basis. It is not easy and a lot of the time it sucks but I do this for my family. It took me nearly 3 yrs to get properly treated for my mental health issues (depression/anxiety/OCD) and it takes me *every day* to manage it.
Like I said, think about your future. Do you want to be in this position years down the road? Either he gets help or you take matters into your own hands.