For me, the pitfalls of falling in love online are similar to those in person – you make yourself completely vulnerable to another person and open up a layer of trust and understanding typically never seen by anyone else. It’s incredibly intimate mentally, spiritually and sexually – and as a result of that vulnerability of showing our complete selves we are of course even more scared of rejection and pain. So many people try to limit this pain by never allowing anyone in, to stay closed and not allow themselves to ever be vulnerable. Perhaps due to their past or their parents, but to me whatever the reason it’s truly sad. Love is the most amazing thing anyone can feel towards another person or thing – but like anything in life there is often balance. To be able to love so strongly and without abandon means we are allowing ourselves to be hurt even more – it’s a reflection of how much you allow of yourself to be given to another person. It’s directly proportional. This is scary and it is beautiful and to me it is what life is worth living for. After all depression isn’t sadness, depressing is the loss of any feeling at all. Love and attraction gives us vitality and a desire to live, and it can be stripped away brutally in ways we can’t control and will never be able to. In fact the more we try to control due to our fears the more we often drive love away from our lives.
Now where does online come into this? Well the issue is, online- the trust that you build with another – it’s built on assumptions and what the other person is truly willing to show you of themselves. When they aren’t online you have no idea who they are. They could be the exact same person, they could be married with kids. It’s so hard to know and as a result so much harder to trust and easier for someone to deceive.
The same highs aren’t there that you get in person, I only fall for someone for their mind and thoughts, of course they must be attractive but that’s not the whole. However it doesn’t matter what people say, no amount of words, videos or phone calls can make up for that real human connection. The trembling on your skin as your lover lightly grazes a finger down your stomach, or traces the outline of your cheek and jaw with their hand, stopping to cup it and slowly raise your eyes to meet theirs. Those feelings and that energy, that drives us. It isn’t there online. You can feel a deep love, but it isn’t the same. It never can be. Even if what you have is perfect, you know it would only be improved in person.
So as a result, when you fall in love online you also give yourself access to frustration, feeling of missing out and an intense pain to go with the beauty of falling in love. At your hardest moments when you feel most loved you’ll also having a yearning ache To be with that person and hold them, to feel their heart beat and know what it’s like to be held.
This is the pitfall of falling in love online. It’s melancholic love, any feeling of intense unadulterated beauty – will always be marred by that fact you are not with them. It offers so many great things, as love always does. However you cannot reach the highest of highs and your highs will be marred by a background sense of longing and desire that isn’t going to be met. It’s painful. However it’s not equal – falling in love should be balanced where the lowest low you can feel should be matched to the highest high it offers. But the pain of rejection and loss is not tempered by online love, it hurts all the same. Its not fair. It’s not balanced. And furthermore it’s much harder to see the entirety of someone. No matter how often you call and chat there is always a filter they can add to change themselves and change what you see. The greatest vulnerability is to be completely exposed and accepted – if you offer that to someone else online you have no idea if they are doing the same thing with you, you have to take their word for it.
When you wake up next to someone – seeing them at rest, vulnerable having given themselves to you – they are at their most beautiful for that exact reason. And whilst we can never be sure if they are hiding a part of themselves, it’s much easier online than in person.
In summary – many of the pitfalls of falling in love online match those of normal life, however that doesn’t stop us because to love and be loved is only so amazing and intense precisely because of that risk of hurt and pain. Until we are risking something, ourselves, it can’t give us those most amazing of feelings. When it comes to online the scales are unfairly tipped against you – all the normal pitfalls are there with the added one of having to take someone’s word for who they truly are and meanwhile the rewards are simply not the same, and they never can be.
This is the pitfall of falling in love online.