So I was getting teased in my class for a few months, until i had enough and started standing up for myself. Now they make fun of me behind my back, and i sometimes hear them doing it, and it makes me feel mad/sad. I dont know how to respond. Should i call them out, should i stay quiet and not give a shit. I really dont know
41 comments
Not sure who “they” is but you should continue standing up for yourself. Ignore them unless they are causing problems for you. Keep doing you and please understand that bullies are some of the most miserable people.
They do it to try to get a reaction from you for their own entertainment. The best thing to do is give them no satisfaction, just pretend to not notice or care what they do or say. They’ll either get bored and find a new target, or overstep and face consequences.
Bullies hate being confronted. I don’t know what else to say in your situation, but know that. You hold the power.
they do those actions on purpose to shift your focus away from finding yourself & being unique, most of those have sheep mentality they nust follow each other & wont let anyone stand obvious
So it already sounds like you’ve affected a change, they went from teasing you to your face to doing it behind your back but still in earshot.
Not good but better. If you can’t abide that you’re going to have to stand up for yourself again. If you can? Let them talk, fuck them. You’ve established a boundary, that’s good!
Ignore them. You do you.
I am going to differ from a lot of the advice here and say don’t start a fight.
If you get injured, crippled or killed you’ll regret it.
If you seriously injure, cripple, or kill him you’ll regret it.
It’s not worth letting him ruin or seriously impact your future.
And if anyone here thinks I’m being a nervous Nelly, that’s fine. I am well aware that those things are PROBABLY not going to happen in any individual schoolyard fight, but I am also familiar with many instances of people dying or receiving permanent life-altering injuries after receiving a single punch or falling down the wrong way, etc.
You could think you’re starting a schoolyard fight and then find yourself facing manslaughter charges. It HAS happened.
Ignore him, or if you’re clever enough cut him down to size with some withering insults.
It’s a bit disgraceful actually that so much of the advice on this thread is “default to violence”.
Violence is not a social skill, geniuses.
Practice mindfulness and always stay conscious.
People will talk down on you no matter what u do or don’t do. But the most important thing in life is how u see Yourself, how well you know yourself. Be busy with that and leave people to be people 😊😍
Talk shit about them behind their backs and make sure they can hear it
If they’re saying shit behind your back it’s because they’re probably afraid to have you respond the way you did when you stood up for yourself. If they’re not your friends and they make fun of you then just don’t give a fuck. It’s annoying and a constant reminder when you hear them whisper and snicker behind your back but the important thing is is that you stood up for yourself. So just remember that and be proud of yourself. If they’re gonna make fun of you anyway then it’s good you stood up for yourself and they can fuck off.
Lot of bad advise in the thread as usual. “Ignoring” things won’t help you feel better or solve anything. Violence will put you in a bad position legally and with authorities and doesn’t translate well into adulthood.
You can do two things: Focus on building social status / good relationships/ friendships with others in your class. They will support you directly and indirectly and it’s something positive you can do.
Talk to authorities / teachers. Some of them will be on your side and make the bullies life more difficult which is very satisfying.
Mind your own business.
Be yourself (which is an improved yourself, so continue standing up for yourself)
Remember, stand up for yourself in front of others, when it’s needed.
Else you’ll be the “Hey, wanna make that guy mad and annoy him? It’s super easy, cause he “stands up for himself” at every tiny little provocation”
I’ve had a female classmate, who stood up for herself, (she was kinda annoying) but the horrible popularish dudes kept provoking her.
Once she stood up, they got pissed and made her “stand up for herself” like a ton, but ensure she does it for no reason, when the situation benefited them more.
Eventually, it went to the principal, and the horrible dudes were favored, cause they benefit the college more, and are more known to the Department Head for Events and awards and Club activities.
And they made it seem like she was in the wrong.
They were like, “We just said don’t be so loud, and she raged on us! Were we wrong Mr Dept. Head?”
Whereas, it was really her trying to answer a question excitedly about something she liked, aptly to a question a teacher asked.
And they told her to stfu, cause noone cares! And she shot back says she did, and she doesn’t care for the horrible people’s opinions. (I.e standing up for herself)
Gotta ignore them until they confront you and/or put their hands on you. Bullies get off on getting attention and a reaction. Don’t feed into it.
It all depends on how annoyed you are by all this.
If you dont mind him, then ignore him, especially if his influence is confined just to his group of lackies…If you have friends stick with them to build you up and cancel him out…Or take it up a notch…Try this, when you see him, start to laugh and walk away…make sure he sees you, stare at some part of him, glases, shoes, and just for no reason laugh and walk away…You’ll be playing to his insecurities…
You could also call him out in a crowd…Do you think you could take him in a fight?
You could also look for an opportunity to catch him alone and give him a fright.
All in all, he’s an asshole, can’t usually change that. Good luck
That’s the neat thing, you don’t.
They’re obsessed w you lol. Realise this!
Threaten him physically and don’t hurt him. Basically show him you can kick his ass without doing it
honestly, my take on it is if it’s behind my back then i don’t know it’s happening. i think if i were you i’d do something about it if he or his yesmen come up to you again but for the most part i’d just react with rolling your eyes at overhearing/being told about whatever he/his friends say and just in general act like they’re no more annoying than a whiny younger brother.
plus, in 10 years it really won’t matter how popular or important someone was in school at any age. as an adult, no one really gives a hoot about how popular you were in school (well, unless they’re compensating for something haha). what matters is being the best you that you can be, and making it through in one piece. school’s rough, hang in there
(edited phrasing)
I know it is difficult to not feel bad but their actions says more about them, than you. You should always stand up for yourself.
A helpful thing to realize is that a lot of what people say is them speaking their insecurities. It’s not really what they would think if they really knew you and thought about you. It’s the noise of their own insecurities. It makes them insecure that you’re going against the idea they had of you. Keep defying their illusions and many will change them. Some won’t, but many will.
Ultimately, the goal is to become unreactive. Nothing hurts us more than to feel that we don’t matter – that our words have no effect on others. Becoming unreactive will hurt them when they speak their insecurities, and change many of them.
Your next step on the path to becoming unreactive might be to just learn to laugh, because it is kind of funny that they’re insecure. Laughter is a positive but critical response, while your current response is negative and critical.
Hope this helps some. Proud of you for learning to stand up for yourself.
don’t give them anything, no reactions. fuck em.
I was in a similar situation a while ago, last year in 8th grade I was in a Spanish class and a lot of popular kids decided to take that class as well. Those types of people are way more insecure than anyone on this sub and feel the need to prove themselves better than you to appeal to their friends. It’s the hardest thing to do but if you ignore them and forget about their existence I guarantee you you’ll put them back in their place. It’ll be over soon, hang in there! <3
I was bullied relentlessly by multiple kids in middle school. They put me through horrible experiences that caused me severe trauma which I still suffer from as an adult. The best advice I got was “beat their ass!” I had to get into a lot of fights, but eventually I was no longer being bullied and I became a decent fighter with a “take no shit” mentality. You can’t do this in the adult world, you usually have to fight with your intellect. But middle school is like a jungle or prison, and in my experience it’s a world where “might makes right”. Good luck!
Talk to teachers, friends or family about this if it continues or you don’t know what to do. Remember; this is not your fault and it is nothing wrong with you. Good luck!
Unfortunately theres nothing ypu can do. They have the numbers. Society singles out loners. My advice is learn from your mistakes and avoid doing them when you ultimately move away. Those people who make fun of you will be a distant memory one day. As long as you dont make the same mistake in the future
Give up. Wait til college. Keep your head down, keep your nose clean. It sucks, but life is so much bigger than being bullied and you can outgrow it. You tried standing up for yourself, which is always the first thing I suggest. That didn’t work. You gave it your best shot. Now wait it out.
I think I know how you feel. The truth is that they are idiots. They bullied you because they were bored. When you stood up for yourself, they were embarrassed and made that embarrassment into a laugh. I don’t know much about you or them, but stay away from them if you can
They could make fun of everyone they want, but they chose you. Why do you think that is?
I have bullied, and have been bullied. It made me aware of my flaws. I believe I now am the best version of myself.
i WISH i was someone who could ignore that kind of bullshit. unfortunately, i am not. i am not one to keep my mouth shut.
the disrespect and embarrassment is emotionally exhausting & i’m really sorry you are dealing with these jerks.
ok not saying u should do this bc it may seem “weak” in our toxic society, but i def suggest trying this if you can’t ignore it anymore:
– approach your main bully when he’s near his friends, not with them. they need to be within earshot or not there at all. don’t give the bully backup.
– in the most empathetic & exhausted way, say “hey man, i just wanted to check in with you… is everything ok? i’m worried about you… you seem to be taking out a lot of anger and negativity on me. i know it’s easier to project that onto others than deal with those emotions. but seriously… i’m concerned. are things ok at home? if you want, i can send you some resources to help.”
– he will either be enraged, embarrassed, or annoyed. either way; you showed everyone that you aren’t willing to let others hurt you. you are showing empathy towards someone who is clearly acting out because they are not ok. hurt people, hurt people. maybe this will encourage him evaluate why he feels it is necessary to hurt you.
– maybe he will stop picking on you if you show “genuine” care for his well-being. other people around will view you as a safe person to be around. you could end up making new friends with some cool people.
the way i dealt with my bullies is to passive aggressively treat them with kindness. it’s actually very satisfying. if they continue their bullshit, print out a list of mental health resources to give to all of them. ask your school counselor to check in with them because you are concerned about their behaviors lol.
i know thats a lot of emotional labor and acting to confront someone… but in my experience, it has worked. it’s easier than talking back or physical retaliation. i hope things start getting easier for u pal, sending my love.
You’re in good company. Some of the most successful people in the world were bullied relentlessly. Consider this a test to learn how to live a great life regardless of the sea of A-holes all around us.
You really only need 1-2 great friends and sounds like they might be in the group that gave you advice. Focus on them! Ignoring drama isn’t easy but it’s a skill that serves you well for years to come.
Best advice is to stay calm and give him shit for not having anything better going on than talking about you.
People with any worth just ignore those they don’t like, not spend their time talking about them. Don’t let it scar you because its basically irrelevant in 3 years.
My comeback would be “why am I so important to you bother talking about me at all?” Try to be calm and deadpan
Let them talk behind your back, however, I’d recommend you confront them when they egg you on loudly/openly, let them talk shit behind your back if you want, it makes their true nature apparent.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. The big thing to keep in mind here is that happy people are not bullies. Chances are, this kid is bullied outside of school or has a terrible situation going on in their life. 99% of the time, bullies are simply projecting their pain, insecurities, abuse and any mixture of that onto their victims. Whatever he is doing to you is a direct reflection of what has happened or is happening to him.
And also–standing up for yourself worked. They backed down. I would suggest the next time you hear them talking shit abt you, walk over and as casually as possible ask, “hey, i keep hear you talking shit behind my back and im wondering why you’re too afraid to say it to my face?” as though youre legit confused. And i think a pretty universal response would be whatever he says, completely ignore, and say “well i hope in the future youll be able to find the courage to address me directly instead of whining to your friends about it”. If possible, smile at them and walk away.
If they do take you up on your offer to talk shit to your face, replying with “okay” or “wow its interesting that you think that” and absolutely nothing else are other great power moves. If they keep talking, keep saying okay or interesting in reply.
“How do you want me to respond to that?” “What are you trying to accomplish from this interaction?” are great ways to not really respond and throw ppl off their guard bc they expect you to be defensive. Like in this situation, theyre too afraid to talk to you? They’re not going to reply “i was looking to make you feel like shit” in response to the accomplish question. And if they do, thats pathetic and easy enough to call out as such. And since that is the only reason, chances are you will leave them floundering for a way to reply.
They are bullying you bc they want a reaction. They feed off of that. Starve those bitches out.
Can u fight?
You tube “Breadstick Ricky , you don’t like me? Safe travels”
You owe no one anything. “They” don’t like you? Fuck em. Find your people and stick w them.
To me physical violence worked but you can also turn it around by having the attitude of yeah you’re tough picking on me, works sometimes. For me personally it was the combination of slamming one down and then telling them how tough they are but hey that’s probably quite toxic as well. For me it was always justified by them being a bully and having a taste of their own ‘medicine’
Go up behind the biggest and Sucker punch him in the face then while he’s on the ground keep hammering the fuck out of him guarantee the others stand watch.
Always remain calm, collected, and indeed stand up for yourself. If they continue to make fun of you then move on and find the right people that you deserve my friend.
Sounds like you’re living rent free in their head. You’re not there and they’re still bringing you up? Lmaoooo.
Real talk tho, i saw that you pushed him and he didn’t do shit back, and now talks shit when you can’t hear it? That’s really pathetic of him, his opinion does not matter. I know it’s 1,000,000x easier said than done, but try and remember that what he thinks isn’t important. Because it’s not.
Idk if I agree with all the “kick the shit out of him” comments, but if he does anything physical first, that’d be the time. But I think you know that he wouldn’t do shit anyway right? He already didn’t do shit before when you stood up to him.
Good luck bro, and when you get him to stop bullying you, make sure not to become the bully yourself. The whole “hurt people hurt people” thing. Figured it was worth mentioning.
As Oscar Wilde once said/wrote: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
Nice job. You got further than me when I was at school.
May I suggest that in addition to any other wit you may bring to the game, next time if anyone, or they themselves, says anything that could even be associated with talking about you behind your back, you could respond with something like “Do I live rent-free in their/your heads or something?” Because it sounds like you do. Keep at it.
You shdnt give a rats ass abt others.
Theyre all a bunch of bums once youve gained enough self esteem. Start working out and working on yourself and youll see just how much ppl dont even take care of themselves properly. So why care abt their opinions. Ofc those that arent bums wont even talk bad abt others in the first place