How much does it benefit the family? Do you appreciate it a lot? Do you resent your wife? Does she do a great job? Is she lazy? Are you both happy? Do you consider her a trophy wife?

46 comments

  1. Uh…

    My “wife”, I’m too lazy to actually marry her, is from another country. We met online. I like having her around. I appreciate her company. I don’t resent her; if I resented her, I wouldn’t have her living in my house.

    She does a great job at spending my money. She works hard to make sure that Jeff Bezos doesn’t go to sleep without a little bit more of my money in his pocket. She doesn’t cook or clean very much. It’s not like an every day thing, mostly because I like to cook and we have a maid.

    She is lazy. I allow it. I’m never happy but I assume she is. I do not consider her a trophy wife because that’s a stupid thing to consider.

  2. It’s amazing. I’m very lucky to have a great job such that my wife can stay at home and be a home maker while raising the kids. Don’t let anyone tell you that being a SAHM isn’t a full time job, because it totally is.

    My wife does the majority of the housework and cooks dinner most of the time.

  3. We had kids and her being there let her be involved in their lives. They love her to death and sadly I was always working and missed so much but at least she was there for every baseball game every heart break every story. In hindsight I should’ve been there more cause those times won’t come back.

  4. Wife became ‘stay at home’ around her 8th-9th month of pregnancy. We figured it’d last until kindergarten. In the end, she never went back to full time work. And while a second income could have opened up some opportunities financially, I couldn’t imagine paying for daycare or a sitter if she (or I) could otherwise be there.
    If you can afford it, I highly recommend it.

  6. “Stay at home” doesn’t really apply to her, because she is the home. She’s the entire reason our house is a home. She is the center of it all. Those times she has gone out of town and leaving us for x number of days…..it feels different at home. Me and the kids feel the absence. The warmth and familiarity is just not there when she is gone.

  7. So far its just us (for now) and it works well for both of us. She does do some consulting work in her field from home but usually around 5 hours a week.

    I appreciate that she handles most of the housework, gardening, and our social calendar. I handle most of the cooking (and kitchen cleaning), bills, and the outside stereotypical “man stuff” like mowing and fixing and chopping. I’m relatively sure we both think we’re getting the better end of the bargain.

    She’s smarter and better looking than I am so in that regard I “win” though I wouldn’t consider her a trophy, shes a partner in the sense that we compliment each other’s strengths and if I had a weakness I’m sure she’d help with that too (kidding kidding! We’re good at handling the things the other isn’t super strong in)

    She’s a million times less stressed since we made this shift to her being STAH…her being less stressed has made our dynamic significantly better. Sure, adding a full income to mine would be nice for the extra cash but we’re not hurting and with plans for a growing family we’re very confident on being able to get by without her needing to work.

  8. It’s great.

    There can be challenges as it takes a while for the working spouse to understand just how many tasks there are to run a household properly and the broken plans that can happen taking care of the children. Mine both benefited very much from having a stay at home moms.

    Some neighbours benefited, too, by having someone trustworthy nearby to step in for help, advice, or perspective.

    We also stopped the stress of finding the “right” care for the children while she worked, the expense of it. The after tax difference of net cash of employment minus child care was a great investment in our family and mine & her comfort.

    It’s important to get her away from the house and mixing with other adults from time to time for a break from the daily routine.

    Do I appreciate it? More so over time, a whole lot more after a period of unemployment and discovered her day didn’t have all the free time I presumed.

    Does she do a great job? Yes (I know, I’m lucky)

    Consider her a trophy wife? No, but I do treat her as my Queen!

  9. A good stay at home wife is a blessing for her family. Her work creates real value and isn’t taxed. The kids will be better off, the home will be nicer, the food will be better and taste better.

    It does take a good woman and a good man working together to create that situation.

  10. Its pretty awesome. She keeps tje kids in like and makes sure their school work is done. The home is as clean as it can be with 6 kids. Normally a hot meal is ready for the family when I get home. For the times she is overwhelmed dad gets to take charge and let her relax or do whatever she needs. I don’t mind those days it’s a good time to bond. As long as you work as a team for the good of the family unit it’s badass.

  11. hmm, I don’t have a stay at home wife but I have friends of mine who do have a parasite at home and they say they regret the deal they made with their wives.

    These days it’s nearly impossible for a guy to support a household on his own, with only only his paycheck. That is, if he’s middle-class. A guy making 30k a month ater taxes probably loves having a stay at home wife.

    Trophy wife?

    A Trophy wife is a woman who is much younger than the husband, and hot.

  12. I have a SAHW. She’s been SAH since we were married. The agreement was that as long as I could provide for our family then she wanted to stay home and primarily raise the kids.

    I did 10 years in the military and that took me away from home for extended periods of time pretty often. Not having to worry about her having a job and managing childcare and other stuff was nice.

    There have been a few times when she has mused the idea of using her degree to get a job, but she ultimately decides it’s not worth it.

    Now, I’m out of the military and working from home. This is where it has been nice. Since I don’t get to do casual water-cooler chats with coworkers, I get to take breaks with her. Sometimes we’ll go on lunch dates. Or she’ll make me food and bring it to me, or bring me snacks/drinks. Or, occasionally we just have sex in the middle of the day while the kids are at school and I have a break in my schedule.

    I’ve always told her that if she wanted a job, I’d support her. I even helped her write her resume, but she eventually decided it was more important for her to be there for the kids. I agree, but I also don’t want to stymie any career goals she might want to pursue.

  13. LOL these days? You get a full time complainer. kids are too much so you have to pay for day care.

    House is too much so you’ll have to work more after work to keep it clean.

    And gratitude for paying for her whole life? LOL yeah right, what have you done for her lately?

  14. Have a coworker whose wife stays at home cooks/cleans/cares for the kids. She sometimes watches my son for me when daycare is closed and I have to work…The running joke is I’m going to steal her from him. She’s in on it. Occasionally he’ll be on the phone with her and I’ll take the phone from him and be like “Hey baby, whatcha wearin?…If you were mine you’d be wearing Prada.” Hand him back the phone and we both laugh whilst he sputters….I make a lot of gay jokes for a straight girl…lol… Anyways they’re both nice people and he appreciates the hell out of her.

  15. Note: This does not apply to stay-at-home mothers of young children, only SAH spouses with no kids.

    My ex stayed at home while I was the sole breadwinner. It was dogshit. It’s having an adult dependent in your house who somehow has the audacity to act like they’re an equal partner for doing basic chores and then attempting to dictate how the money is spent as if their “contribution” somehow entitles them to it as if they had equal hand in earning it.

    During the height of the pandemic I was temporarily out of work due to closures. I could wake up at 10, do every bit of housework in my pyjamas while watching videos or taking breaks, go run some errands while taking leisure stops and have dinner ready for my partner when she came home. It was the easiest fucking thing in the world and I felt like a leech, I couldn’t imagine being able to live with myself if I *chose* that lifestyle while she was out working.

  17. When there are no kids at home, I feel much resentment and used. At that point she’s just a dependent when I wanted a partner.

  18. My wife not only stayed at home, she home schooled all three of our kids through graduation and I’m pretty damn proud of not only the kids, but her as well. I can’t even begin to imagine how my kids would’ve turned out had we carted them off to daycare, then school, literally letting complete strangers raise and educate our children. We were additionally blessed to have been able to “enroll” them in a charter school here in California so the entirety of their school needs were paid for through the school, same as with any public school. This allowed us to choose different curricula based on each of our three kids individual needs, as opposed to a public school’s “one size fits most” approach, and each of our children thrived because of it.

  19. Do you know how great it is to have every meal prepared for you, a clean house, fresh laundry and you come home to a loving woman every day? Its the reason why I work so hard because it is absolutely priceless.

  21. My wifes stay at home and id say its prob worse for me. I get home after work, do the shopping, and cooking and then on the weekend have to help do the cleaning. She gets to stay home and be sick and feel sorry for herself

  22. Having a stay at home mom in the 1960s made me a vastly different person from most of my friends who mostly had divorced parents by my teens.

  23. My wife worked in our kids daycare as a preschool teacher until the youngest of the two kids was about a year old. She then started to be a stay at home mom. It let me be better at my job because I knew the kids were always in good hands, she took them to school and picked them up and dealt with the household. I helped a lot, with daily chores, cooking, and after school activities. It hasn’t always been easy, SAHM still need interaction with others and my wife struggled with that. Now my kids are teenagers and I’m starting to wonder what she wants to do because they don’t really depend on her much. I don’t resent her staying home, financially it was a wash when we had to pay for daycare or after school care, but now her bringing in an income would be nice.

  26. Now that I have played a long game, kids grown up etc I look back on having a sahw as a blessing. But not gonna lie at the beginning I was crazy jealous of all you double income guys, not just because of your lowered money stress but because of the freedom you all seemed to have. Separate friends and soical groups etc. Having seen that play out though I’m glad I didn’t take that route.
    Edit to take out snarkiness.

  27. I have no clue or desire to understand this.

    Sincerely,

    A Stay At Home Husband.

    No shade but my propensity for running the household is counter balanced by her earning potential.

    Works for us. Your mileage may very.

  28. My wife has been a SAHM for roughly four years. It’s nice never having to scramble to find someone to watch the kids, and it’s extremely beneficial to have her at home to clean and do housework.

    So far as downsides go, it’s all a matter of perspective. She often doesn’t see how hectic things are in the outside world in relation to life at home, so when I come home frustrated or tired or just zonked out it can irritate her. Also personally I love it when my wife dresses up and with her being a SAHM that rarely if ever happens.

    That being said to have her be a SAHM is a rare benefit that very few enjoy and I’m thankful for it.

  29. It is when, as a team, you decide that is the way you want to build your family. You have a much larger ability to manage the homestead with the downside of losing a wage earner. Seems really hard to pull off nowadays unless both people are selfless and caring and he earns quite a bit on his own.

    I personally would only resent her if we had no children or if I didnt make enough income myself to support what we need. It’s really a strategy to raise children and not to have dinner prepared when I get home. Being a trophy wife is something completely different and based entirely on beauty… Rather than staying home.

    Every relationship should be what the two people decide together it should be. If that is how you want it, go for it. If it works out, it probably does wonders for making each person feel masculine or feminine…. Not to mention having the benefit of raising children with attention. If you try to force it when you don’t have the means to do so…. It can be disastrous.

  30. Ended in divorce, fun times. The key is to pick the right wife to begin with. If you picked wrong a kid will not help and allowing her to sahm will m make things worse.

  31. We are fortunate that my job affords my wife to stay home and manage the house and both children. She works hard to cook, shop, clean, pay bills, all laundry, does most of the home remodeling. She doesn’t have the biggest sex drive, but I can’t complain that my best friend allows me to follow my passions, provide for the family and co-raise our kids. I always encourage her to work if she wants to, but only if she does.

  32. My wife did a 2.5 year stint as a stay at home wife while she changed careers and took a mental health break and honestly it wasn’t that great for us.

    I’m sure was mostly my personality but I actually enjoy cleaning, cooking, running errands, bills, yard work, etc whereas my wife does not enjoy those things in the slightest.

    So she reluctantly took over those duties to ensure “fairness” but her doing those tasks did very little for me because I knew she hated them and I would have rather just did them myself.

    Eventually it began to negatively affecting her mood and our relationship dynamic so she stopped and just relaxed for a few months waiting for her college program to start.

    So it was a bit of a bust for us, it probably would have been different had we had kids or if we lived near her best friend who is also a stay at home fiancé.

    But if I’m being honest even if I had a wife that throughly enjoyed maintaining the house, bills, children I don’t think I’d really enjoy it.

  33. I have a stay at home boyfriend. We’ve been together for 4 years, and have lived together for half of that. I consider us married. He’s depressed, so doesn’t always get the chores done, and I go to college as well. Sometimes it’s hard, but when he’s doing good it’s so great to come home and not have to do anything. And it also feels great to me, as a traditional man, to provide. As long as he’s trying, that’s all I can ask for, and I’m happy, and I know he is too.

  34. My wife was a stay at home mom for a couple years and it was the happiest we had ever been. I honestly would work 3 jobs if it meant I got to come home to that for just a few hours a night.

  36. She’s been a bit extra lazy because I also work from home so I get to do a lot of household stuff too. I asked her to get at least a part time and now everything seems to work just fine, we have a toddler and I can manage him and work during the time she works

  37. My wife, whom I love more than life itself, has ADHD and lacks certain elements of executive function. She has made tremendous progress in the years we’ve been together, but there’s still no way in hell I would leave her in charge of running our house. We both work, and when it comes to domestic duties we play to our individual strengths.

  38. There are good experiences with it and there are bad. It really depends on the person. Some women handle it amazingly well and are the literal bedrock of the family. Then some women only use it as an excuse to be lazy and take advantage of their partners.

    My experience with my ex was one of the negative examples, but I do recognize that it only works well if the stay at home individual is self-motivated, caring, and selfless.

  39. She watches a shitload of Netflix while I work 60+ hours a week, do all the cooking, cleaning, and outside chores. All she whines about is how she never has any time “for herself”. Any time I bring up how i do all the work, both financially and around the house, I get guilted for using my “white male privilege” to try to force her to conform to traditional gender roles.

    So, to sum up, a stay at home wife is not an ideal situation for anyone but the stay at home wife.

  40. I would have supported her choice either way, but I’m glad my wife was able to stay home with our child in the early years. The cost of daycare made it kind of a push financially on her working versus her staying at home. When our daughter started school, she found a part time job that didn’t pay much, but had very flexible hours.

    My wife did all of the housework (until my daughter got old enough to contribute). Aside from being the breadwinner, I repair stuff around the house and maintain the vehicles.

    Some of the other questions don’t make sense to me. Why would I resent her? Why would she be a trophy wife? I suppose there might be a class of woman who just wants to not work and live off their husband; not do the (hard) work expected of a stay-at-home mom. That is not my wife or most SAHM. She is my partner in life. I don’t have to check after her to see that things are getting taken care of. She has a great work ethic and I know I can trust her 100% to manage anything we have agreed is her responsibility.

  43. I love it. I get home from a hard days work to a hot meal, a hot bath, and a clean house. The kids are happy because their mum picked them up from school, and my wife is happy because her day, and her work schedule, is her own. Everybody is happy. We all have our part to play as a team.

  44. Stay at home wife and mom? I think that depends on the wife and mom… The person she is.

    You’ll have the girls who just watch TV and do light chores.

    You’ll have the girls who don’t do anything at all.

    You’ll have the perfectionists who make everything from scratch and try to emulate the perfect TV wife.

    You’ll have the girls who are your best friend and emotional support and make your house a home.

    None of these women will have sex with you.

    Jk

  45. My wife isn’t a stay at home wife and to be honest, I kind of wish she was, I would love to just come home from work and not have to spend the rest of my evening doing my share of the cleaning, cooking, child raising etc. Just go kick a ball around with the kids, then sit my ass on the couch for the rest of the night like a 1950’s Dad. She’s not really into the idea though, oh well, at least the money’s good.

  46. She got really lazy, or perhaps insanely bored/depressed and sat around doing nothing.

    I had to work, pay for everything,buy take away meals and clean on the weekends, it really caused a lot of resentment and fights.

    Eventually we divorced over it all.

    I don’t recommend setting up a SAHM situation.

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