TL;DR I still like a girl I think was the perfect match for me. I need to see other people but this is difficult because I think about her a lot even when I’m on a date.
I met a fantastic girl and we saw eachother for 2-3 months. She’s in the country for a year and then gone… Which is fine. I get it. I support her leaving. I accepted the breakup how I wanted to, without too much mess. Never begged her to stay. No hard feelings. But I’ve literally never felt this way in my life. I would almost go to wherever she needed to be frankly.
Just I thought love and shit was dumb. And love at first sight was dumb. I really really did. And then it happened or some shit and like I don’t get it. I can list the reasons why she was cool and can do the same for others and idk why she seemed so special.
I’m used to these sort of breakups: chest still feels feelings, angry, chest hurts, pain fades, neutral.. ok date again.
But the good feelings haven’t stopped here and I don’t really get it. I’ve went on some dates but It’s really weird for me because I’m trying to chat with someone and it feels unfair to the person across the table. I’ve given it 6-7 weeks and everyday at least once, I think about her. And I’d really like to not do that anymore cause I feel like it’s holding my life back.
If I let it go, I just straight think about her all the time and I’ll just hope that things somehow change or that we’ll at least have a chance to see about it without giving up so soon.
I know I will be happy without her. I’m not in like a state of desperation. It’s just weird and new to me to be stuck on a person like this.
3 comments
Time to get her out of your face – mute/remove from social media. Then focus on your life. Hobbies, work, friends, etc.
Just give it more time and be patient with yourself. You are holding on to the fantasy that you built up around her more than her. You barely knew her. I would probably stop dating for awhile so you aren’t just hurting others with your baggage as you grieve.
If you’re still having obsessive thoughts about your ex, you’re right – it’s not fair to date other people. Some breakups simply take longer to get over than others, and this is going to be one of the long ones.
I’d advise you to take an intentional break from the dating world for a while, and instead focus on being happily single for as long as it takes to fully get over her. Take up a new hobby or interest with a steep learning curve, or renew your interest in an old hobby to occupy your leisure time. If it’s something your ex had absolutely no interest in, that’s even better. Make social plans with good friends for your non-work nights, and travel plans with friends for your vacations. If most of your friends are in relationships, consider expanding your social network (with people of all genders) by joining interest groups or volunteering for a local non-profit with a cause you strongly support.
Sooner or later, I promise – you’ll meet someone and just go “Wow,” without even bothering to compare her to the fading memories of your ex. And maybe your ex really was amazing – but there are plenty of other amazing women out there. You just have to fully heal, so you can be in the right frame of mind to truly see and appreciate someone else’s good qualities and romantic potential. It sounds like you’re quite not there yet, but if you remove the dating pressure and just focus on meeting like-minded people in a social setting, you’ll get there soon enough. I wish you well.