basically what the title says. im a 21f and my bf is a 22m. he is my first ever sexual experience, first ever relationship, and first love. he is my first everything. i love him a lot but i have known ever since i was in middle school and before we got together that i have a very high sex drive. i am horny all the time and can have sex for a very long time. my boyfriend on the other hand has a low sex drive, doesnt last for a long time. when we do have sex, it feels good and intimate and nice and it feels like love. it feels nice. but it gets ruined after he finishes in like five minutes. it has been like this for our whole three years together. and i have also never been able to finish bc he gets “too tired”. i feel awful for thinking about wanting to see new people, or participate in hookup culture simply bc i am not satisfied in my sex life w him. and since i am a very sexual person, good sex is important to me if i am involved in a relationship. i have communicated these feelings with him before and sometimes he’ll get insecure and beat himself up while simultaneously make me feel bad. and there are other few times when he’ll listen and offer changes that he can do but then it never really happens. another factor that plays part in our sex life is our lack of privacy. we almost never have a private environment around us because we both have strict parents that dont let us be alone together (yes, our parents are still strict even tho we are 21+ years old, we’re hispanic) and our parents are always always home, dont let us out of the house late, dont let us go on vacation together. it is so hard. why cant i just have a simple and happy sex life? i just want to be railed 5 times a day. is that too much to ask for. i know that i am still very young and i know i have a lot to experience, i just dont know if i should breakup w him and participate in hookup culture (itll break his heart and i dont want to hurt him) or if i should continue in our relationship and continue to be patient to build our sex life to get better.
tldr: 21m bf has low sex drive, i 21f have high sex drive, he also does not last and i have never achieved an orgasm with him in our three years together. debating if i should leave the relationship or not.
10 comments
Intercourse five times a day is too much to ask for in most relationships, but good sex is not. You should either orgasm before intercourse through other means like oral sex and fingering and such or get close and then switch to intercourse depending on your preference, so that he can take the amount of time he takes and you still get to have satisfying sex. However, if you don’t have time to be satisfied due to your living arrangement, you will just need to fix that, and breaking up with him isn’t going to fix your living arrangement.
You’re 21 you are allowed to say no I want time alone with my significant other. They have to respect your space. Also talk to him about male kegels for control. And all parties need to learn how to edge. It create orgasm control for men and women.
The grass looks greener on the other side but expectations tend to disappoint. His parents are a real problem, though. You two do need to spice things up, though. Does he skip foreplay? Does your bf give oral? Ask if he has any fantasies that may make him more eager to engage..
You need to be upfront and tell him that he needs to take this more seriously or he will likely lose you. And not to just beat himself up and make it about him when there are solutions. He should practice edging for one. Prolonging your orgasams helps you last longer in bed. Also, foreplay is very important. I prefer to make the women Im with cum at least once before intercourse even begins. And at least once before alloeing myself to cum during intercourse, he may think that sounds impossible, but again, edging… also mentally he can practice not finishing too soon during the act. Concenteating on perfromance and pleasing you rather than the things that are turning him on can also help prolong finishing too early. Once youre satisfied and begging him to finish, he can concentrate on the things he likes and the stimulations hes feeling.
With practice and in time he should be able to cum on demand. Withholding until you tell him too.
Also, depending on your stance on the matter, certain substances can make you last longer, or even make it impossible to cum, or even impossible to get/remain errect. This is reffered to as Dope Dick. Or Whiskey Dick. Opiates, Alcohol, Stimulants (cocaine) anf various other substanrs can achieve this. However. Beware of frequent use and subsequent addiction, especially with opiates and alcohol. I would heavily advise against EVER using either of those for two days in a row, EVER.
I have this same situation like this but i can do 2 round at a time and after a year we found a position where she got more please than me and same time got 3-4 even 4 orgasm before I got one. I love to give her orgasms.
Suggestions:
1. 21 is a legal adult. Set boundaries with your family. And if they can’t respect it, I’d start looking into moving out, either on your own or with friends or a lover, so that you could avoid your family since they currently don’t respect you, your privacy, or your happiness.
2. Learn to off-set gentle critiques of your boyfriend’s sexual performance with praise or positivity. Tell him what you LIKE about what he does to build his confidence, then gently introduce suggestions for improvement.
3. Embrace novelty. Whisper sexy things in his ear. Compliment his body. Sex is mental, it’s about the connection, the energy that you bring to the experience. Make it a space of growth and exploration that is connective and less focused on the physical performance.
4. Encourage him to learn orgasm control techniques.
5. Watch porn together.
6. Share your fantasies together.
7. That he’s finished/cum doesn’t mean that sex has to be over. He can still tend to you with his fingers, tongue, or with toys. If he’s “too tired,” make sure he pleases you FIRST, because the tiredness is probably coming from the fact that he’s already orgasmed. Some men lose interest in sex post-orgasm, but that doesn’t mean you should be left hanging!
As someone with awful PE, lasting 5 minutes is really fucking good, you could definitely last far longer than that with some techniques.
He doesnt seem to be very interested in sex.
How much porn is he watching?
2 part issue. Obeying your parents in everything and your bf not putting effort in the bedroom.
For first issue, just go do your vacations/whatever or figure out a new living arrangement.
For the second you need to bring it up again in a neutral setting and not let him make himself a victim on this. If he starts the woe is me shit. Call him out and say we’re focusing on an issue I’m having, let’s not change the subject.
Being a good lover takes practice and EFFORT. Sex does not start and end at his pleasure. But he’s using your high sex drive and his low sex drive to basically just get his. If he has to “work” more he can just withdraw and you’ll be forced to capitulate.
Best way for y’all to have a good sex life is for him to get you off first. Oral, hands etc, before moving on to piv sex.
I might have good advice for you. We all know that you love him and don’t want to hurt him also has been 3 years. Maybe you both should explore sex toys. A great way to pleasure yourself. Or you can get penis sleeve either can get a spray delay for long lasting.