I (27 F) have been with my boyfriend (28 M) for 20 months. One thing I should note is we have a long distance relationship. We don’t live in the same country. I’m from Canada and he’s from the US. We have visited each other and have met each others’ families. He is the first boyfriend I’ve had that has lasted this long and who wanted to always be doing something together whether that would be talking on the phone, FaceTime, watching shows, game, etc. given our circumstance. I suppose what I’m experiencing is called the “post honeymoon phase” but I’ve never experienced it before so I have nothing to base it from. I love this guy but I’m just getting the sense that he’s pulling away. He was suppose to come visit me this month but won’t be able to because of work which is understandable but he hasn’t given me a set date of when he will come. He does work from home and last time he was here he still worked so I feel if he really wanted to come he could.. we used to fall asleep on the phone every night but now it rarely happens. He seems quieter on the phone now and will stop what we’re doing to go game with friends. I know he has his own life but I guess the change is just hard for me because we were as together as a long distance relationship could be. We did have a discussion when I got upset about him wanting to game with his friends instead of doing something with me after he had already been gaming for hours. I know this may sound bad on my end I never thought I was controlling but maybe I am. We didn’t talk for a while then he said we need to make more time to ourselves which I have been now but honestly I’ve never felt so far from him. I did ask him if he was thinking of breaking up and he said of course not. We had previously talked about him moving here and buying a place together but lately he has been saying how he really misses his family since they live in a different state from him. I told him he should visit them before coming here. He’s had chances to talk to them about it but hasn’t which makes me think he’s not coming here any time soon. We have talked about marrying each other and he has given me a promise ring so I want to think he’s all in but I know feelings can change. I just don’t know what to do or think. Maybe I’m overacting but I just miss what we had in the beginning. Is this normal?
TL;DR: my bf seems distant and I’m not sure if it’s normal and how to deal with it.
1 comment
Hello! I have been in almost same situation, it looks almost like my story but a bit different, since we are in Europe.
I can say that it is normal in every relationship, LDR or not, that both individuals can miss the honeymoon phase after some time. Usually it has to be around 1 year, maybe a bit more or less.
Then the problems begin to arise. After you both enjoy each other, then you start to think that this relationship is moving, and you consider that the new phase is coming. LDR is difficult, and thinking for the next phase makes it more difficult, because it involves thinking hardly about moving, and changing all the previous life. In these phase when being apart makes it more difficult to plan.
The most important thing is COMMUNICATION, and making it completely sincere. While being apart you should critically thing what should be done, then when being together making all the plans for the future. When something feels strange, it needs to be communicated.
Its really important to be very careful and patient, not making mistakes. Because when you do a mistake its hard to fix. However i truly believe that when both of love each other you will overcome every obstacles