I don’t have a great deal of sexual experience, which is why I’m here now, asking for help with regard to encouragement. My current boyfriend introduced me to the world of gentle BDSM, mainly femdom and in particular gentle femdom, as that’s his main kink. I’ve read a lot of posts and discussions, looked up art, short stories, and audio to get a feel for what it is and to see if being in a more dominant position was something for me. So far, my boyfriend and I have done a lot of exploring together.
I feel like I’ve come a long way in a short amount of time, but there are still times where I feel like I’m not doing things well enough or like I’m doing it properly – especially when it comes to encouragement and praise.
What really gets my boyfriend off is encouragement. He considers himself a service sub, and he loves feeling small and soft and taken care of. We’ve talked about it numerous times; what he means when he says encouragement, and how I can encourage him. He likes it when I tell him to do things; at times as specific commands or orders. I think I have a good understanding of which nicknames he likes, and there are some “lines” I have that I can use, when we’re together, but he often tells me “I need more encouragement”.
I would love some help with what I can do or say or things I can think about so that I can properly encourage him. I should add that we’re in a LDR at the moment, so all of our communication is via a screen, mostly text and sometimes verbally.
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How do you encourage him? Is it purely verbal or does it include physical interaction?
Do you allow him to touch you, get close to you or even taste / smell areas of your body as you tell him how well he’s performed?
To you reinforce good behaviour by touching him? Stroking his hair, gently touching his face or even sliding you hand down and squeezing his cock if he been exceptionally good? Remember touch can often convey more than words ever could.
It may also sound cheesy but the reward ribbons / plastic medals they give out a schools for good behaviour or a simple reward chart to track his behaviour with rewards for achieving a certain level, of course offering praise as he progresses.
If you’re watching television does he need to perform certain chores before he can sit beside you?
Have you set rules about what he needs to wear while in your service, male lingerie, formal attire, something as simple as a ‘g’ string or cock cage?
Also do you have a way to signify a start / stop to this, it may be a word, something you wear or carry or something you give him to put on? You could use an item that if it is placed in a certain part of your house something like a small ornament which if it’s placed somewhere conspicuous means he’s to start his service. This in itself can be part of it. If he notices it quickly praise and reward, if not no reward and a stern dressing down or whatever negative reinforcement methods you have agreed to.
Please keep in mind these are just some suggestions take them as such but above all keep trying and more importantly talking between each other about this and not just in the bedroom.